I’am not sure how many dreams I have left to see in this journey of life that is very essential for the evolution of me, THE SOUL, I want to reveal a very beautiful and a very strong feeling that was created on 22 July 2002 Called LOVE. It was seen by a very disturbed yet stable man . On that day I was running from pillar to post for an admission in a institution where they would provide a qualification for a decent job. After going to many places I finally came to a place where it would change my llfe for many years to come . It was close to 8 pm on 22 July 2002 and I was standing in front of Arena Multimedia, Mathura.
I saw an angel who started to climb down the stairs when she saw me standing in front of the main gate. She was beautiful beyond imagination yet she spoke to me very nicely and convincingly, the way she spoke and persuaded to do that Diploma as she guaranteed me the job…I fell for her that very first 20 minutes, I felt very nice to meet her after a very exhaustive day…she was like a breeze…She was the first Pooja Batliwala .
Next day I was with my dreamy best friend Tayyab when I went to see that beautiful Angel of my own dreams. While I was talking to her about the Diploma and the job, I saw she was making a small heart struck by a arrow on a paper that was placed on the table that was distancing us from each other. I felt a severe surge of thrill and excitement. After getting out of there I was screaming to my best friend ‘’ I’AM IN LOVE…I’AM IN LOVE’’
What I saw was just a very sweet dream but what I felt was LIFE in a HOPELESS world I was living in for so many years. I had to see this kind of dream, it was meant to happen and it did. I was madly in love without her knowing it. I got admission there with my parents saying something silly to her but getting my Handicap Father climb the stair was something of a nightmare to me because I feel guilty about it. In this dream I don’t really know what was driving me but I was dead serious about her. She told me she celebrated her birthday on 4th September and I came to know she may not be as sentimental and emotional as I hoped her to be.
I started to call her from my landline number because I just wanted to hear her sweet and lovely voice so just to hear her voice I didn’t used to say a word and that’s why she used to keep saying on the phone ‘’Hello…Hello…Hello…Hello…Hello!’’. Oh after listening to her sweet voice that used to stimulant some kind of sweet butterflies in my belly …I used to hang up the phone but on the 6th day her Brother started to pick up the phone so this series of stupidity of boyhood had stopped.
After a month in the institution …I felt she is sweet to everyone so my love meter started so shackle and she didn’t invited me on her birthday or wouldn’t give me her private phone number…so does that meant I wasn’t important to her…well let me tell you a secret . She was very feminine and knew how to test a mate, the problem was …she was five years older than me and she was far more materialistic than I was . I mean as stimulant for TRUE LOVE in me,She made me a better human being, I took good care of myself, I behaved well, I had become a sweet young man and to tell you the truth…an Artist .
One day I drew a image of her and showed her but when she saw that I was very much in love with her she started to test me by avoiding me. That game of her caused a lot of distress to me and I thought that I had angered her by drawing her which infact was not the case . My world turned upset down just in a month and than came the day when I came to realize the depth of my failure…I have lost her forever.
One day in the same month of September,whileI was mourning over the death of my dreams of having a family with Pooja Madam…I was watching Forrest Gump, In a certain scene The love interest of Forrest Gump comes walking on the lawn at his home and slowly disappears…looking at that scene I burst into tears so brutally that even I couldn’t believed I loved her so much that it pained me so much like when my Father lost his leg or when my Lassie died in the same year. It kept happening to me till this year when I totally realized that The sweetest dream that only lasted for a month would scar me emotionally for more than a decade . I kept remembering her from time to time and than I saw her on facebook with a girl child beside her and the only thing I said to that sweet looking doe eyed child’’ MERI UMAR TUJHKO LAG JAAYE, TU MERE SE NAA HUYI THO KYA HUA’’.
Sometimes when I see her in my dreams…I feel like telling her how much I loved her, how much I have longed for her and how much I have shamelessly cried for her even being a MAN. But I would never do such a thing because I would be so embarrassed to tell her how much I wanted her. She will never know and it’s ok that way. I prefer this way only. I’am glad she didn’t married such a person like me who don’t belong to this planet, she married a successful person and has two beautiful daughters. She loves them so much.
Once I told that I will be on tv without doubt after all that had happened inside me, I was so sure about myself…now I’am not even Half the man I used to be. You wanna know what really pains me the most …She will never know that there was such a man existed who longed for her more than a decade just to let go of her one day. Once when I called her and told her that I wanted to tell her something very important on the third day when I had just met her, she said ‘’tell me now …who knows when that day comes or not’’. And you know that day never came BECAUSE that whole drama was just SWEET SWEET DREAM . I thank GOD for giving me such an opportunity to love someone so deeply that till date I haven’t forgotten the girl who would never know that how much I loved her and still remember her.
That dream was a stimulant to create the love I had inside of me . What I saw,heard,touched and observed was a Dream but what I felt was REAL . After 2nd and 3rd POOJAS I had poojaphobia but I’am no longer haunted by it as my whole life is a Dream. Purpose is important for the evolution of the sentient energy called soul. Today is 4th of May and 4 is the number of suffering and true love, every number mentioned in this comes to number 4, even the number of the year is 4 and yours truly celebrates his birthday on 22 February…Destiny has its own share of irony.
Thanks for reading my blog on a dream that I couldn’t make it to a reality
