Was on MS yesterday after 3 days, and was trying to cover up all that I had missed and then I received a call from Didi, saying the school bus didn’t come today and she had no option but to ask xxxx (a very close friend, who lives in my society and her son goes to the same school too) to take my boy by auto, as she was taking her son too.
I called xxxx to ask what had happened, I was really worried, since the children had their exams and also wondered if the bus would drop them back home in the evening or we need to go and pick them up. Upon me asking her “ what happened , the bus didn’t come today ? she replied – WHY - YOU DON’T KNOW IS IT ? I said “Yes I just got to know ”, she said – “AND YOU ARE CALLIN NOW, WOW”, she was so sarcastic that I could not believe what I heard.. but then too, I, very calmly said.. Didi called me now.. and the fact that Im calling you is because I know you dropped the kids to school. I said this and hung up… coz my voice was almost choked and tears ran down...
Since then I was feeling so horrible and not feeling at ease, so best thought to pen it down here. Thoughts like these ran across my mind, firstly why did I have to put my son in a school where we need to depend on a bus….why do we have to hear like this for small favors’ received that too from our very own close pals.. Am I so dependant on others in such matters ….But at the same time, even if my husband was there, he too would have been at work, at that time and at such crisis we have no option but to rely to such assistance…
I was so upset and kept brooding over this the whole day after that phone call, the way xxxx spoke to me.. her tone was as if to make me aware that I’m sitting in the comfort of my office and she had to take the trouble to drop the kids. Felt like a piece of shit for a moment, an incomplete person, an incomplete mother.. my Kanishk always keeps asking me, that why can’t I drop him and pick him at the bus stop like other mothers do.. all I end up telling him is that I have to do a papa’s job as well and my office timings don’t permit me at all. I always wanted to be a home maker after my son was born, also because I’m working from the age of 17 (yes though illegal it maybe now) and then maybe I’m not destined for it.. I really don’t regret the life I live but episodes like these make me feel hollow and let down….
At the same time, when you go through ups and downs in life, you learn a lot from it and I have now learnt to take things positively.. learnt to deal with situations alone rather than depending on others, my dad always call me his “Son” that too being his only daughter with two sons, and there’s no doubt that it does make me feel good……..
By evening I was already out with a solution that I need to train didi (my maid) to travel to/fro and be able to help herself to drop my lil boy rather than leaving it to other parents and look helpless if such a situation arises again.. the fact is that she has never travelled anywhere alone, and does not know places too well, she’s someone who can be easily duped…..so I’ve never let her venture out on her own…..It’s nice that such an episode happened, coz everything happens for the best.. And we learn from it.. It’s upto me to take it or leave it….And I “Took it” as a learning step…
And like a total filmy that I am, I always try and find songs that will either pep me up or motivate me…. So last evening I kept humming this song “Pal Do Pal Ke Zindagi Mein, Duniya Ke Har Gam Mein.. Maine Jeena Seekh Liya Hai”… And here I am today, feeling great….Kyunki….Jo Hota Hai Wo Acche Ke Liye Hota Hai…
Have a Great Day one and All…
Cheers
Liz…
