It is weird but it is there and it seems nobody can help about it. I am talking of the inherent human instinct of judging a person by his/her external trappings i.e. how he/she looks, talks, maintains household, flaunts an accent and more so by the clothes he/she wears. If a man is well dressed then he is taken to be a gentleman whereas a number of incidents in my life have proved to the contrary. A girl in a trendy outfit must possess a modern outlook too though most of the times the case has been just the opposite. As long as she does not open her mouth she is eye soothing!! As soon as she does she is mind boggling coz her “inner self” is such an anti-thesis to her outer one.
Oh yes! A woman in a salwar suit or a saree is definitely the quintessential behenji which word somewhat succinctly encapsulates a positively unsocial persona belonging to the back-of-the-beyond who better not be seen rubbing shoulders with. Though these views are not categorically spelt out the underlying ethos of the poorly disguised facial and verbal expressions are quite explicit and overt.
I do not know about other cities but in the capital, yes, this is the mindset. I remember my colleague, who once came to see me as I was ailing, but was more interested in my dining table than my health. I once knew a scholar who was insulted by one fellow traveler because he was dressed in an ordinary Pajama Kurta. Later the co-passenger apologized when he came to know who he was. In crowded buses, torn and tattered labour have more than often vacated seat for me while the well dressed pretended that I did not exist. Another instance of a quiet girl (read behenji) who slogged up the hierarchical ladder by sheer dint of hard work and aptitude!! In absolute contrast was another one always flamboyantly “dressed” in straps and strings, frequenting the high society and blowing her worries away in curls of smoke giving in to the most conventional lifestyle after marriage.
When I see a body hugging pair of jeans prostrated in front of the deity or pouring pale full of water on the shiv-linga on Mondays, I can really not make out whether her attire fails to befit the old-fangled environs of the temple or is it my eyes which are a bit jaundiced.
Once a so called “mod” colleague of mine asked me how I reconciled to the fact of being single and unmarried. Undoubtedly, she thought it was quite “unusual” for girls to make a choice between getting and not getting married at the ripe (read right) age. In another instance, I broached the subject of adopting orphans by those who were considerably well off in society which met with stony silence from the so called “trendsetters” of my office.
I really wonder when we are so apt in following fashion why we are not so when it comes to a new idea or action which may go a long way in overhauling the present system of things. While we consider somebody positively below our status if he/she is not dressed in the most becoming style in vogue, we do not cringe at effete values and obsolete traditions and rituals.
Perhaps that is human nature. Whereas we are prompt at changing our external garb we forget to cleanse our internal junk. A mental exercise is always more crucial and hard to indulge in than physical exercise. We still embrace dowry, child marriage, discrimination against girl child in the name of tradition. Widows are still shunned from auspicious ceremonies like marriage, child birth etc. A child less couple still feel awkward and are barbed at in social functions by the elders. We still do not accept that sexual preferences are matters of an individual’s private life and are not subjects of public mockery. The blood baths in the name of religion are well known and well publicized by the media almost every day. Honour killings make headlines. Taboos, stigmas and inhibitions overrule our education. I really await that golden hour when an educated person will also be deemed as an enlightened one irrespective of whether he subscribes to a Rohit Bal or a Ritu Kumar.
