Attending a wedding can be emotionally and physically draining at the same time insanely funny. I have just come back from my cousin’s wedding and had some great experiences met a lot of people – aunties and uncles I know, aunties and uncles I don’t know, cousins, second cousins, remotely related ones, Mom’s childhood friends, enemies, neighbors, strangers and list goes on and on.
There are times I felt overwhelmed, at times terrified and at times even suicidal. Three days of wedding preparations had left me at the brink of insanity. But like a child visiting the zoo for the first, I was excited and it was a novel experience. And yes characters in a wedding are comparable to the animals in a zoo but they are roaming around and hence more dangerous.
My cousin was looking a bit tired.
Me: What happened to you? You should be excited, it’s your wedding.
Chechi: Yeah! But I’m tired of acting shy all the time.
Me: Why are you acting shy, going for a Yash Raj film audition?
Chechi: Bad Joke. But you seem to be in a good mood. Found a new girl to hit on? Anyways, leave me alone for some time.
Me: Ok! Chill out girl
A starving bride with overloaded makeup is not unlike a lion. So I chose to leave her alone and keep my jokes to myself.
But then happened to bump into a couple of unknown aunties, who were staring at me like I’m from a different planet. I gave them a customary smile.
Unknown Aunty 1: Aren’t you Arvind’s son?
Unknown Aunty 2: (To aunties 1 and 3) No he is shobha’s son!
Unknown Aunty 3: No he seem’s like Devi’s son!
Before the venture any further into the debate and messed up my genetics I decided to intervene “I’m Akshay and I’m Sheeja’s son”. The moment I said that they started pulling my cheek.
Unknown Aunty 1: You are so cute! You’ve grown up; I saw you were 1 year old. You are so big now.
Ok, did she expect me to remain like a 1 year old even after 18 years or does she have a dinosaur’s IQ? The thought crossed my mind. But now it was clear why my brother kept his moustache intact.
Me: Yeah! I am a complan boy.
Let me warn you, questions from unknown aunties can be more confusing than the aunties themselves. I did answer them well enough. My acting would have put at least Uday Chopra to shame, if we can still call him an actor.
Escaping them was really a difficult proposition until my brother came to my rescue; he has a knack of talking to aunties with his much superior vocabulary in Malayalam. He gave me a nod and a customary show of his hands which meant that he had the situation under control.
I went ahead to bump into my mom, who was busy chatting with a couple of known aunties who were even more difficult to handle. If you are adamant of losing weight before a wedding, meet every relative of yours at least 2-3 days in advance.
Chaat Chaatke 2-3 kilo toh kam kar hi denge!
One aunty even said “Look like the next time we’ll meet will be at your wedding!”
Haan ji! Yahan ek ladki nahi pat rahi, shaadi ki batein chalu? I said to myself.
Then there are people who start with “Remember me?” which continues with you giving them an almost perfect and really long smile; long because you are scanning your memory trying to recollect every face you have seen since childhood for that one face and finally giving up and end up saying “You are….You are….You are.” waiting for them to fill in the blanks.
“Oh yeah, Hi aunty .I remember” Good liar I am!
Then there is the fun part, my cousins. Every one of them as shameless as me, some even more. We became best friends in a matter of 2-3 days. But the girls in the group lived for the sole purpose of posing at every inch and corner of the house, which made me reconsider my decision to take up photography at the wedding.
After 4000 pics my hands were already sweating and I had the blueprint of the house and the lawn in my head.
But then I saw chechi walking towards me, smiling as, she looked stunning. I gave her a huge smile back, the most sincere one of all. I was happy to be there for her and loved every moment of the great Indian shaadi. Thanks for the memories!
I love you so much da! Have a happy married life.
Cheers
Akshay
PS: After the wedding when you go back home every aunt and uncle will give you money, it is important that you say no at least a hundred times before you finally accept it. Apni lalach wahan par mat dikhana;)
