There is a saying in Bengali “jekhaane baagher bhoy shekhaane shondhye hoy”which if transliterated will read as where the tiger is feared to roam the grounds, it is there that the evening falls. The inner meaning of this saying - the things that we fear the most are what we have to eventually face in life. At least, it has been like that with me.And it is life itself which teaches us how to overcome our fears and other negative vibes and be a winner.
I was an extremely shy and over protected child - an introvert unable to mingle in society - be it peers or seniors. My comfort zone was my home. In a bid to pull me out of my shell, my mother would sometimes send me across the gully to the grocery shop to buy a few things or run an errand. It used to be the most difficult task for me and I would rehearse thousand times under my breath how to ask the shopkeeper what I wanted of him. I grew up to be a gawky teenager with my dysfunctional attitude finding solace in a few books and at the same time being acutely conscious of my social handicap.
I should say it was a quirky turn of fate that I got my first posting in Kolkata away from my family and a handful of friends which I had managed to make in the course of time. I was born in Kolkata but brought up in Delhi and had no connection with my birth place for almost seventeen years. Though I had a horde of relatives, the city was absolutely new to me. By another quaint humour of fate, from the very beginning, I was allotted jobs which involved some amount of public dealing or public relations. I would have been happier and more contented with a back bench job but life had something else in store for me.
Eventually, I took a transfer to Delhi but to be saddled with a job which required me to extensively deal with external agencies. To top it all, my subordinate who headed the workers’ union at first refused to acknowledge me as his boss. But I had no option. As I had got the transfer home after eight long years I wanted to make the most of it. More so because I knew that the work given to me was a complete anti to my personality.
At life’s crossroads the most daunting task is to choose between what is right and what is easy. I chose what was right. I struggled hard to get over my inherent hesitations and inhibitions. I put in more effort than was required. To put it briefly, it was not easy and most of the times the fight was against my own self. At the same time, I tried to strike a rapport with my subordinate. He was otherwise a good person. Soon, we came to understand each other, if not appreciate. He was till then considered as a non-performer. I coaxed him to take up responsibilities, initially, in slow measures and later in a big way. We worked together for twelve long years (we still keep in touch) till I got a second break and moved away to another department.
The transformation as I have said earlier was not smooth. Nobody comes prepared for the idiosyncrasies of life. I confess I made monumental mistakes which given a second chance, I would definitely like to make amends to. But there are no retakes in life. On second thought I think human beings have a birth right to make mistakes, learn and unlearn from them, and move on. And that is what I tried to do.
It’s another story that my sincerity boomeranged and I continued for thirteen long years in the same job I hated the most. It was record of some sort as no predecessor of mine had continued for that long in the job. Whenever I asked for a change I was told that there was no suitable replacement for me, which I believe, was a hog wash because I knew nobody wanted to take up the responsibility as it was extremely demanding.
Nevertheless on hindsight, I feel happy that life provided me such a training ground (one of many). It gave me many unhappy moments too, especially, when I wanted a change desperately but was stuck with the same job. But all’s well that ends well. I am glad that I did not chicken out of my assignment goaded by fear. I am glad that I carry now a huge backpack of experience, good and bad, which I am sure, will come handy in future, not only in my work area but else where too. I am glad that life taught me the hard way what no institution could have. From a shy, gawky, naïve, over protected child to an assertive and forthright person, the journey has been very long and tough.
We celebrate 5th September every year as Teacher’s Day (this post is a bit late for that). But for me life has been the greatest teacher. That is why every day for me is a celebration as I learn a little everyday as life’s lessons get distributed.
