Whatever the motivational gurus may blare with additional garnish and sprinkle, one must at times count one’s failures, not to get depressed and overpowered by self pity, but to know and reassert one’s limitations. The spiritual masters say that human potentials know no limits. But is there any point in proving that we are super human? Is there any point in being brave when one is cowered by the enormity of a task ahead? Shouldn’t one accept that what is not to be is just not to be?
Perhaps I am in no mood to be exhilarated and expansive. Perhaps I am daunted by what lies ahead. Perhaps I do not want to tread the path strewn with thorns. But don’t I have the right to be a little cowardly at times? Can’t I say without feeling guilty that this is beyond me? Can’t I let my ego be a little deflated by my worthlessness and inertia?
Sometimes there is immense pleasure in floating with life. Sometimes we do need that fluidity to muster our courage and move ahead. Sometimes we should have the privilege of enjoying our own laziness and apathy. Let things be as they are. Let’s not change the status quo. Let’s not try and prove the world that we are different.
As we take pride in saying “I can” we should also resign ourselves to fate at times and announce “I can’t”. I can see the snigger on many a face. I don’t care. Let me live life my own way with all my failures so that when success comes I can enjoy it many folds. But how will success commence if I do not give in my 100%? Can success just walk in to make my spirits a little more buoyant so that I can shake off this cloak of fatalism and stride proudly head held high and challenge failure looking into its eyes straight without blinking.
As I dual with myself I realize it is more important to put in efforts than winning. It is more important to recognize and embrace failure after trying hard to succeed. Friends! Sometimes giving in helps in standing tall and walk purposefully. Counting failures does not always mean failing or aimlessness but it’s just a hyphen before the next word which is success.
Notwithstanding the next thought that dominates my will is why do we have to struggle so hard and long to succeed? Can’t it come like a cake on a platter? Can’t it just smoothly swish in without demure and hold my hands? Strange are the ways of life. What we want the most recedes far away as we gallop ahead to catch it.
Many a times it also happens that we move away from our own dreams with time. The things which were important to me a few years back are no more significant in my life now. Am I aging? Am I melancholic? Has my life lost its aim? Is this what destiny is all about? Where is my drive to work hard and win?
As these questions torment me again and again I wallow in misery and surrender to time as it ticks away dispassionately forward and I loose precious moments count by count. Friends have you too gone through such times? Have you too thought the way I have? Have you too felt useless? Have you too accepted it as the end of everything beautiful?
I am sure these inert moments are also required to surmount the lag the sluggishness the haggardness of purpose. Perhaps my next communiqué with you all will be on a more victorious note. Perhaps the next time we will chat about more positive things – the will to move forward and the drive to win.
Till then I submit to my lack of composure. Till then I agree I lag behind. Till then I accept all my flaws. Till then I brand myself a failure.
Love & Luck
