In a world where it's said that things are made extremely simple, right from buying stuff online, booking tickets, paying bills etc. I hold a different view. That things in general have just got more complicated! I will tell you why!
I have never been a fan of the great up-market Coffee Shops. Stuff like CCD and Barista. And I have strong reasons for it. To begin with - No one who really loves/appreciates or needs a cup of coffee lands up there. Fair enough! As one has the excuse that these places are meant to be beyond the coffee. It’s about conversations and for that "lot more that can happen over a cup of coffee."
Now here's the problem - They are bloody expensive! Ok - For any bachelor boy (age 17-18) growing up in the city of Mumbai on a monthly budget of Rs 5000 and buying your own groceries makes you appreciate the value of money. I remember buying Bru coffee 250 gm pack for Rs 143- That lasted for a month which means 60 cups of coffee at a max cost of Rs 5 per coffee. Whereas the cheapest coffee at a CCD would be Rs 60!!!! Are you nuts buying something that expensive??? I mean my coffee didn’t have the imported irish cream but was quite tasty and flavorful!
Okay I am frugal - Now here's another problem - What Coffee to buy? The first time I landed up at one of the counters I was like "What de hell?" How do I pronounce the name of the stuff on the board? Mock-kh hito? Okay, this still isn’t a problem. The best way to tackle this is to first look at which is the cheapest on the menu and pick that one. Or if your friend picks the complicate-to-pronounce one, just say “Make that two”. But this might not always help. I picked the cheapest one which was 'espresso', and then realized why this was so cheap. Such a small cup with so little coffee, I wondered whether the guy forgot to add milk!
But that's not all. You walk into a coffee shop to have a cup of coffee. Now traditionally a simple cup of coffee would contain coffee (duh!), sugar and some Milk? I mean a simple cup of coffee. But no! That’s not available...!!! Barista or Costa Coffee don't serve Black coffee. The names are some Italian fabrications as if everything from Italy or has an Italian sounding name makes the stuff a little more “up-market”! Christ – Just give me a simple cup of coffee. My mom might just die if she goes to the store and ask – “I want a cup of coffee” and the waiter would dish out these alien sounding names, roasted, irish cream, dash of Ice cream???? Oh Lord!
Another problem is all about “andar ki baat” - I don't know, but it's the strangest feeling when you are at the most personal store! I mean that store where you’re supposed to discuss the stuff that covers (literally) the most sensitive area of a man! The stuff that men have come to be defined with!
Okay now here’s the problem – You go to just buy an underwear. But since consumer choice is of paramount importance, manufactured believe in making several different types of designs, probably each targeted at different libido levels. I mean the other day I just wanted to buy one and the guy at the Jockey store asked me – “Kounsa style?” Hey Bhagwan! What do you mean by style? “Sir, we have Bikini cut or the V cut, long cut, Y cut.”
Oh Lord, I just don’t know what to say. I just can’t and would never empathize with these designs. I just want some simple one as I don’t have anyone to impress! The problem then just gets compounded when there is a pretty woman at the store. Once you’ve filtered the cut you want, the next is color. Oh Man, a pretty woman at the store can drive you’re imagination wild! However I am here to buy for “me”. And if for some reason she still chooses to be around you where you're audible it makes it worse.
Inflation has it everything - I just don't understand what's the point in spending Rs 600 on some CK or tommy stuff? And what difference would it make?
So How do you say I want black and grey next to a woman standing next to you? Can you even start justifying on how have you chosen the colour? How does one say that I want red? Moreover - Why do you want Red? Christ! Scary thought. Especially for something that is never seen or will be seen. WORST still Snapdeal has some special offers on woman lingerie that glows in the dark?
The worst is yet to come - What size do you want? That too next to a woman. And I would never dare and say small...!!!!
Oh Christ! Why complicate it?
