Unwell me always gets NOSTALGIC about getting back to my writing routine….sitting and glancing out the snow….alone at home….far from” home” in Sweden….this thought struck me while I slipped into my very old kurta….it’s something about old clothes…they remind you of a certain time of life.they remind you of a certain “you.ya that was me…years ago….loved my kurta’s and long hair, the not so wise me, not grown up. Yet a smart Delhi girl who still had the hunch of innocence and insecurity always
But today, I am here, quite transformed as a person surrounded by multicultural people, a not so hard but demanding job atmosphere, a competitive environment which I think I did a great job with…yet I do feel my achievements and big dreams are not big enough, the world has much greater aims, and desires…
So, just when we thought of moving into this new apartment, right in the center of city, by the water….garden area…extravagant life as it sounds….I sit here today and I Feel….years ago… for me….the feeling of home was really when two people came together and felt at home….
I run back in time, a 22 year old moved to the “not so heard” country Sweden with no idea about the life that is going to be, no work in hand, no friends, no family….But I still felt at home with the man that I knew loved me, cared for me…We lived in a small rented apartment, I loved doing every corner of it… it was a beautiful phase and I loved spending my days that way…and if you ask me I did not aspire to go on a bigger or newer place, I was happy… I am probably one of those who are easy to please?
But. the planet earth “rotates” and the world “moves”…and so….we all move on….went to a bigger place, but loved the greenery…. quite soon I found a job….some new friends….all seemed perfect and settled ….but not very late from that time… we moved again and the story goes on….
You are endlessly as a wandering brain…. aspiring to getting bigger in life….a bigger home, bigger wardrobe….a bigger life style, bigger friend circle….and so on…It’s when you are so big that simplest of things feel complicated… like saying sorry to a friend feels like a hurt on ego….losing a perfect job feels like end of world and it’s not the change in you but the changes in your lifestyle that more defines you…that’s where you need to look back….when you started as nobody….and run your thoughts all the way to who you are today….you are pretty likely to come out more content and feeling worthy about yourself and “that” feeling is the much precious and exquisite!
And that’s exactly what I am feeling today with my old kurta?…I am reminded of the not so nurtured, soft and unwise me to a matured, modest and stronger me….and that is what I feel makes me the most happy to look back than the other materialistic achievements I may have made in these 5 years…Trying to be proud of “who” I am not “what” I am today! It’s very important to know where the actual happiness lies.
I am not rejecting the idea of rearing to be big and leading a luxurious and successful life….but just avoid the greediness, competitiveness and endless desires it can bring….if that’s under control life is beautiful!?
