Motherhood and guilt are probably inseparable as skin and soul. With every new day the guilt just adds on more. Even after numerous efforts, all females suffer from so called maternity guilt pangs.
Guilt of not being able to have a healthy and cozy pregnancy, like the ideal one, so depicted in the fables, movies and illusive world. Either you find yourself juggling between job and home, waiting for just the last minute call from the stork. Or the post 30 pregnancy (which has become an average age of bearing kids), ends you up with a critical one and you juggle between hospital and bed rests. On the whole ,again a guilt of not living it up to the full.
In case the child is born with an ailment, God forbid! Again offering the head to be axed, in short taking the blame. “Maybe I did not eat right”, “I forgot to take the pills”, “I never took those regular walks”, and so forth.
Guilt of not being able to be around the kid, and observing the nuances of an infant turning into a toddler. For the job beckons, and its important to earn for the expensive nurture and care. Though the heart yearns to be with the newborn; diaper bills, baby foods, medicines, forthcoming education just trample the yearnings. Yet guilt just keeps on piling up.
Even a rash or injury which he/she took in your absence will just keep on niggling. “I am such an irresponsible mother”, “I am not fit to be” or anything of such sorts which stifles the being.
As they grow bit by bit they pick up the vibes. The remorse pangs ,which are so strong in the air. They utilize it best to their means. In the 2-5 years bracket, it comes in the form of tears . As they progress from 6-10 it becomes a habit, and in quest of nursing the guilt comes candies. Candies in form of expensive toys, gadgets and what nots offered to the kid.
Worst arrives in the form of teenage years( take it 11+). When the whole damn world including the child has a thing to say, to add on to the guilt. She/he picks up wrong company, starts smoking, viewing internet and banned sites. “Such a careless mother, cant she see what the child is up to?”., a snide statement just lands on the conscience like yet another blow. But alas! The candies have become a necessity and now they demand more in form of outings, night outs, and discotheques. A “ no” might get a worst blow like “Mom, do you even care for my happiness”? So might as well save from the embarrassment and do the needful.And also the inhibition and constant scare that the child may search for affection elsewhere, considering its an impressionable age.Who cares for the world, child should be happy, and the guilt needs to be eased.
The matrimony arranged by you for your offspring, gives you yet another ticket to guilt ride. For a marriage gone wrong or an erroneous choice, the mirror starts nagging you again “Did it again, Na?”Or maybe a happy son and working daughter in law bless you with a grandchild. Now he/she is your responsibility. And the voice booms with full resonance, “Today I was not paying attention and he fell down, I am so careless!!”
A circle takes a full and you are back to the square one.
Wish the guilt factor had not been the prime. Wish you had just been an ordinary mother taking pride in bringing a life to earth. Wish you could have realized that the time away was a necessity and not a crime. Wish discipline came casually to you without crushing you with a blame.
Wish you could just be a Mother and not endeavored to be divine.
