*This is a collaboration revu between Alok n me. My query to him was
:- What do men want from women .I have added a women's rejoinders to
his'wants' . BOLD typeface=AVA
Well this is for the first
time I did struck my head on lotto without buying any ticket. For the
first time a lovely lady other than my long lost girl friends and now
“tiniest green chilly”(have you ever tested one?) considering she is
only 5’3”; wife, asking me what do I want from her? Well not to make it
sleazy actually she did ask me about what men look forward from a
woman. And what better way to share it with one of the most
intelligent, whacky and hilarious ladies of MS!
Should I sing?
should I dance? Or should I write a poem asking for favors? Or simply
put, should I put it the way SRK does? Kkkkkkkkava? Oh that sounds like
that Kashmiri drink with slight bitterness but the lady in question is
all sweet and mellow, when I say mellow that doesn’t mean you can take
her for granted, tip you go wrong and tap she will make you turn turtle
without any help at her toe!
So back to where I started what
exactly men look forward in a woman? I wish the seven vows at the time
of “saat fere” in marriages to be the same!
Pratham evem dwitiya Vachan: Thou shall maintain the decorum and congeniality you did showcase while your first few weeks stay with me. BUT dont expect me to remain the same sweet talker I was.
* Don’t
maintain double standards. You may change
but I may not? I have to maintain not only decorum and congeniality,
but also the girl like figure that you admired? My sweet smile, my
‘girlfriendness’ that you liked? And you?
Bahu
Vachan: Thou shall understand that me being a male member of society
always want you to say “yes sir, yes sir” and hearing Why? What? When?
Where? No! Don’t! Stop! And all your irritating commands to mend my
way makes me think is marriage a boon or bane?
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. jawab mil gaya? Be thankful there is someone on this earth who cares about your Whys? Whats? Whens? And Wheres?
Chaturth
laganum: Thou shall understand that getting married sure means I am on
diet but that does not mean I can’t even browse through menu cards. So
stop spying on my message box and don’t give me spine chilling looks
when my message tone goes beep beep at 2’ O clock night!
* You
forget that all dogs have to guard their territory. I may not be happy
with you, but I don’t want others poaching on my property. So you are
marked “Not available” and trespassers will be prosecuted.
Pancham
lakhskhanum: Thou shall not be excited on a Sunday morning and be
prepared with a long list of items digging a deep ho*le in my pocket.
Thou shall understand all your love is mine but your bills were never.
Than why after marriage I find them in my “to pay list” every month!
*Dear,
nothing is free in this world. You enjoy having a beautiful wife
around you, be prepared to pay the bills. If you want something for
free…. I warn you she wont look good by your side.*
Chhattinam
Doodham: Thou shall not remind me about bringing “sabji bhaji” in the
middle of me “getting up close and personal” with my executive. I thank
cell phones to be technically inefficient to support a video
conferencing.
*Don’t you know women get vibes about what
their spouses are up to? Don’t you know our sixth sense enables us to
call about sabji bhaji at the RIGHT moment? We don’t need video
conferencing, we have an internal cctv which tells us exactly what you
are up to.*
Saptam Vikatum: Thou shall not expect me to
surrender every time and move sheepishly in my own home during war
times. It’s hard every time to kneel down and say sorry and injure my
male ego hoisting the white flag time and again “you are right I am
wrong” types. Aaahh! That remind me you were better as my girlfriend!
I was at least free to show a bit of tantrums.
*Dekho Alok,
seedhi si baat hai, agar galti kee hai to sharafat se maafi maang lo.
I cant help it if you keep making mistakes and have to say sorry all
the time. I cant help it if I am always right. I am still your
girlfriend jee. Maafi maangne se insaan chota nahi ho jaata.
Ashtam
Dosham: Ok ok! I am ready to forgive and forget all that happened
within the closed doors. Lest thou shall save my torn and soiled self
esteem before my relatives and elders! Making them think that my
decision to marry you was “oh so right and perfect” Thou shall act to
be an epitome of love and care in parties and marriages. Give all that
sh*t when we are back in the car!
Sht to milega. car
me aao jaraa, abhi mene kaha hi kya hai? Wait and watch, you think I
don’t have list of things I want to have out with you. Yaad hai hamari
shaadi ke shuru me aapne mujhe yeh kaha tha voh kaha tha.? Bhool
gaye tab maine aapko kitna shield kiya tha. Mataji ko kano kaan pata
nahi chala tha. And youuuuu? Even after so many years you refuse to
reform. Car me bolna. abhi batati hoon . aao zara bahar.
Andha
Nainam: Thou shall not treat a drunken husband as a soiled sheet at
bed time! Thou shall understand that me being in drunken state only
can fantasize you being mine “dream girl”. The morning I get back to
senses and curse myself for loving you so much!
*OOOOOOO
aisa? “Dream Girl” “Soiled Sheet” Jao dream girl ke paas daaru
peekar. I will see how long she tolerates you. Yeh to me hoon jo itne
saal se jheel rahi hoon. I am sure you will be back groveling at my
feet in 2 days. That “dream girl” wont put up with you for 2 minutes.
Jao Jao, don’t darken my bedroom door.
Dasham Kastam: Last
but most important! Thou shall not embarrass me before all those who
think I am “an extra wise brain” sharing some stupidity of mine that
could not be hidden from you as you being my lawfully wedded wife. Thou
shall not question me. Thou shall make me feel everything is fine and
normal next morning. And thou shall make me feel comfortable about
getting high and doing some sh*t in the disc in the morbid state of
mind.
*STONY SILENCE(hint . be very very very careful when wife goes into the stony silence mode. things are NOT GOOD)
Eh
eh is it asking for too much? But did I ask for a planet….? All that I
need is unshaken love, due respect and a little bit of freedom! Can I
expect them in this life? Or is it the case that one life is not enough
to live your dreams my friend.
*AGLE DIN KI SUBAH:
Alok
is in a deep dungeon. The only lady who is
willing to visit him is Smita. She brings him a half eaten stale bread
pakora that she has saved from her yesterday’s snack. Alok: Mera kya hoga Chintan Manan? Smita
: I have come on behalf of your wife and the GOG. You are ostracized
by all of us. Ap beghar ho gaye hain. Duniya ki koi bhi biwi ya ladki
aapki taraf aankh utha kar bhi nahi dekegi. I am sorry. I pity you.
But the GOG is very strong. Ham kisi tarah ki be-adbi bardasht nahi
kar sakte. Aap chahen to John Abraham ko bhej dijiye. Agar wo apki
biwi ko kuch samja sake to theek hai . warna(sad face) . sniff
sniff.*
