Jun 15, 2007 03:06 PM
5538 Views
(Updated Jun 15, 2007 03:06 PM)
Dear Spammer,
This is a plea that I make from the depths of my soul. I hope you take time off from your busy schedule of mailing millions of misusable mailers to many mortals, to read this mail that I wrote exclusively for you.
As it is, I lead a very confusing life. For that solitary reason, I've restricted my mails to just a handful of official and a couple of personal sources. I don't get time to download things, watch porn or do other things that are there to do online (partly due to the fact that it doesn't float my boat anyway). And all you do is complicate things by sending me things that complicate things for me (see how complicated that whole sentence was).
Let me be specific:
I do not want to elongate, enlarge or enhance parts of my anatomy that wasn't naturally enhanced already.
I do not want to watch people doing things to each other and spoil whatever little sleep and appetite I have left. That kind of stuff makes me wanna casterate myself, adopt a crazy name like Swami Rajeevanada Saraswati and renounce the world
I do not want cool software for which I'd have to pay and wait for 20 years to even realize that the software I have ordered has gone obsolete and I didn't even get to use or see it.
I dont want to make donations to Mr. Scu M Bag of Swaziland who lost his entire family and fortune in a flood that never happened.
I DO NOT WANT TO ORDER XANAX OR ANY STRIPS OF CHEMICAL CRAP BY POST.
I do not want to get laid. Desperation has never been in my blood stream.
Finally, I don't want any free viruses. As it is, the weather's giving me a cold every second day.
So, keeping all that information in mind and the fact that you dont have any value to offer me (or anyone else)... I kindly, sincerly, truly... from the bottom of my heart... request you to... LEAVE ME ALONE.
Your's Truly
P. Issed Orf
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Now to the preventing spam bit
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My first woe was all the viruses that came with unsolicited emails. I tried using Thunderbird ( http://www.mozilla.org) to take care of that. Tried a few other mail clients. Still the spam seeped through all the so called filters that these had.
Even anti-virus software, firewalls and other utilities weren't fool proof. Had so many valuable files including music projects that were irreplaceable.
I got myself an Apple Macbook Pro and that took care of the virus woes. The Mail client that came bundled with the OS was sweet and easy to use. Spam still seeped through but the fear of viruses was eliminated. Macs dont have that problem.
If you do have a PC, the first thing you should do is, turn off the PREVIEW pane of your Mail client. This prevents rogue scripts in a mail from running. Any file that's suspicious can just be chucked into the trashcan without fear of triggering something crazy.
Also, if you get spam that come with an UNSUBSCRIBE option, do not click it. They send you that link so that they can verify whether your email id is a valid and active one. When you hit UNSUBSCRIBE, your email is added to their database and then sold to prospective buyers.
No matter how secure your software, spam will still seep through. Just keep your eyes open and resist temptation. Delete anything that's from a weird source.
And last but not the least... you are beautiful the way you are... dont get tempted to elongate, enhance or extend anything...
~finis~
