KIRRON KHER - THE RISING. Review on Mangal Pandey - The Rising

I did not know Kirron Kher has so much of flesh in the right places. Woof! Pant! Pant! The guy sitting next to Laila shouted: Iske to Rani se bhi bade hain (''She has got bigger one’s than Rani''). And that’s all there is to the women in KIRRON KHER - THE RISING oops ... Mangal Pandey: The Rising – plunging necklines, tummies writhing to some horrid MTV style song, legs wide open to accommodate a firang’s you-know-what. Mangal Pandey: The Rising is supposed to be a saga of one of India’s earliest (recorded Martyr) but the ample show of female flesh and obscene dialogue does become a deterrent times. Sample this: The prostitute Heera (Rani Mukherjee in a teeny-weenie role) is being auctioned. The auctioneer claims that she is a virgin. “Yakeen na aaye to parda utha ke dekhlo”. Saying this he tries to lift her ghagra in an attempt to display Heera’s private parts. Obscene. The blatant exploitation of the female characters was one of the biggest drawbacks of this movie.

Aamir Khan may be rated as one of the finest actors of his generation. But this simply means that he is the kaana amongst the andhas (one eyed-hero amidst a horde of blind men). I agree with MS member Kamini. A lot has been said about Shahrukh Khan repeating himself. But dear friends, doesn’t Aamir Khan repeat himself. His body language and dialogue delivery are just the same in every movie. Playing diverse roles does not necessarily mean that you are doing it differently. I’ll cite a few examples: Aamir Khan’s smile from QSQT, to Sarfarosh to Dil Chahta Hai to Mangal Pandey hasn’t altered a wee bit. Or his dialogue delivery. Gives away the real Aamir every time he acts. He is a good actor but definitely not befitting all the hype that usually accompanies him. Perfectionist. Interesting, aha! When Aamir shouts “FIRE”, the pronunciation is so very correct. Also, watch out for words like “Gordon” and “Factory” uttered with precision that would have impressed the Queen herself. Didn’t know Mangal Pandey spoke English words so flawlessly. And yes, didn’t know that this eighteenth century bloke looked so damn urban. I didn’t expect the moon from Aamir and yet I was disappointed. He has done to Mangal Pandey what SRK did to Asoka (as far as the performances go). Yes, there are a few noteworthy scenes but that’s the least you expect from “Mr. Perfectionist” Khan.

The less said about the music the better. AR Rahman and Javed Akhtar disappoint big time. But the only one who does not disappoint and lives to my expectations is Amisha Patel in the role of the widow Jwala. She is as pathetic as ever. Every time she opened her mouth, I screamed: “MOUTHSHUT.COM”. The scene where Gordon (Toby Stephens) spills milk before leaving his house and she says: “Mat jaaiye. Doodh girna apshagun hai,” had me in splits. Vintage Amisha. Bravo girl.

So are there not any pros in this movie. Yes there are but you can count them on your fingers. The camerawork, some scenes like the one where Mangal tears the animal fat coated cartridge with his mouth sent a shiver down my spine and some dialogues where Mangal says: Hamari ladai kal ke khilaaf hai, ek aane waale kal ke liye.” Clapworthy. Toby Stephens is remarkable as Gordon. Rani Mukherjee is convincing as the prostitute but the last scene in which she is fighting the Brits with talwar in hand was again source of great ha-ha-ha.

That’s about it and we get back to the cons and Kirron Kher’s ample bosom that’s more shiny than hubby Anupam’s bald pate. What’s the secret of your soft skin, Kirron?

All in all, Mangal Pandey is more about Aamir Khan than the hero. Watch it only if you are a die hard Aamir maniac. Or desperately seeking Ms Kher.