MTNL - My Ultimate Love. Review on Mahanagar Telephone Nigam Ltd

5 years Ago..

I was in the middle of an animated discussion regarding which service provider is the best. The question was do we get more Tangy or Believe in the Best. Since, I was a mobileless human being then, I got relegated to the category of “Neutral Opinions”. The discussion ranged from Tariff plans to Network coverage to Facilities. In the end, it came down to ‘Associating with which Service Provider gives you more status’.

I took threads from their discussion, and booked myself to one of the service providers. I have since then changed it innumerable number of times owing to different reasons, some genuine, some for the heck of it.

Today

Today, Im the proud owner of Mera Telephone Nahi Lagta (My Telephone Doesn’t Work) Service Provider, unofficially also referred as Mahanagar Telephone Nigam Ltd. Switching to MTNL was a conscious decision, a decision I don’t regret even as im writing this review. Some of the happiest moments (& Phases) of my life have resurrected ever since I made by brilliant swashbuckling move.

But Why?

MTNL has been existing for more than 100 years now (had they existed a little before that, they would have met dinosaurs & probably even got featured in Jurassic Park) and believes in a Mission that runs ’To remain market leaders in providing world class Telecom & IT related services and to become a Global Player.’. (I wish those bunch of executives were here today. I could have told them about my ‘Status’ of belonging to a Global network). Between Jan - Feb 2002, MTNL launched their various cellular services to prove that they are even now as incompetent as ever, in meeting their global objectives.

What MTNL made me

1. Stylish

When I jumped into the “Me-too-a-Mobile-user” wagon, I started off with a humble Motorola D628, then graduated to a Nokia 5110. Round about that time, I switched loyalties to MTNL too. Thereafter, I have thrown 5110 from my 2nd floor office window, threw 3210 out of my car, & crushed 3310 under a Truck tyre. All in frustration. I was young & immature then to realize MTNL’s philosophy - Mera Transmission iNvariably Late. Today, Im mellowed and used to their striking philosophy. Im using a flashy, sleek, 80 gm Nokia 6510. Thanks to the previous 3 cells of mine which faced my wrath, Im stylish today!

2. No Pressure @ Workplace

Despite having a wide infrastructure that they could have so easily capitalized on, MTNL still fails to attract significant signal ranges. In my workplace, I don’t get any signal. Since then, I have forgotten my Mobile ring tone, & am never pestered by those (read that BOSS) who hack you with all kinds of reports & status. Result: Im a very relaxed person now, and I don’t take unnecessary pressures in my office.

3. No Spam Calls

I don’t get squashed with calls from competition service providers giving me ‘reasons’ to shift base to their camp. Thanx to MTNL’s near VOID signal quality. And even if I do manage to get the odd call, the voice breaks, the line breaks, and finally the Caller breaks n cuts the line. So effective is the MTNL’s built-in spam caller filter.

4. No Fancy Expenses

With my mobile going ‘Tring Tring’ becoming as extinct as the black buck (Hey Salman! pls don’t shoot MTNL), I have stopped incurring fancy expenses that I merrily shelled out for downloading ringtones from the net. Nowadays, I treat myself to extra rounds of Watermelon juice with that money.

5. Great Customer Service

I know many have problems on this issue with their service providers, coz invariably when you call them, you go on to a ‘hang’ state with a sweeter than cuckoo voice reminding you ’your call is important to us. Pls hold on’. MTNL doesn’t employee such cuckoos on their pay rolls. In fact they don’t have to. Coz, you never get thru their customer service number. You are welcomed with the more immortal than the National Anthem ‘Engaged tone’. And I keep the phone down, happily thinking ’Wow! These guys are flooded with so many calls from well wishers’. Just praying, for that one day, when I will be able to get through their China wall defense, & congratulate them on their brilliant performance.

6. I realized my true friends

While I would have read 1000s of books on this subject, none was a greater teacher than MTNL. Most of my friends stopped calling / SMSng me coz they didn’t get any replies from me (and that’s coz I never got their SMSs on time). Only a few friends (the TRUE friends) still SMS me, not letting their old pal down, and in the hope that one day Gb will REALIZE the TRUTH.

Mera Telephone jarur Nikama Lagta hoga, but then you got to use it to get the FEEL of those benefits. Just yday, I managed to convince my Mausi to change over to MTNL, and have great pleasure in producing that snippet below:

I had given her the same intro as above, when she started off…(The Script is in Hindi)

Gb: Bas Mausi, Dukan ka pata chalte hi hum aapko khabar de denge. (There is a BIG shortage now)

Gb: Ab Kya karoo Mausi.. mera to dil hi kuch aisa hai. Tho….main ye rishtaa pakkaa samjhun? (ki aap b MTNL kharidenge?)

…..Aur aapne kya socha hai?

[ Please Read Comment #3 ]