Of Krrish 3, Scrapyard villains,saving the world !. Review on Krrish 3

It was supposed to be a Rs 1000 crore club movie. It still may be. So we were flush with the confidence that the makers have that awe inspiring confidence to beat Chennai Express five times over. The product could be nothing short of a spectacle I told myself. But walking into a multiplex theater also comes with its share of irksome incidents that become anecdotes.

The national anthem is over, the movie has begun and in a typical fashion, one family which believes that the audience sitting in the rows behind them will be overjoyed with their presence streams in one by one, hollering to one another and discussing in the dark, all the while standing, on who should sit next to who. Please take your time! Hritik does not matter. After all you guys have just paid Rs 400 and own the theater.

Some rows away a gentleman has decided to answer his phone and has put the theater on silent mode.”

" Kai Deshmukh sahib kasa kai. Family nee sangitla first day first show bagaycha.”

Err it did not matter at the moment that it was the first day fourth show.Should I perhaps interrupt his 85 decibel conversation? No perhaps I should exercise caution. After all he may just be the owner of the multiplex considering that he had put the entire audience on hold. So I respectfully tried to tune his important conversation with Deshmukh sahib out.

Some rows away a gentleman educated the audience around him loudly on his cell phone on why the markets were closed and how there was a muhurat trading on Sunday. I am impressed. It is because of such learned traders that our economy gallops the way it is doing. And he is going to be working the next day, a Sunday or so he told all of us while talking to his friends on the phone. Excellent dedication. I had half a mind to run unto the projectionist and request him to hold the projection while I got my doubts on Income tax benefits on Shares en-cashed, cleared.

Just about the same time a baby decided to exercise its fundamental right and began bawling in protest at being exposed to a children’s movie. Right behind me a member of a very sweet family, giggling and exchanging riotous jokes softly shouting, decided that I needed to be rocked to sleep and commenced timed-kicking on the back of my seat much to the consternation of my companion who wondered what the rocking of my chair was all about.

Ok setting these cute distractions apart I turned my attention to the screen where Hritik Roshan from a previous version of this story was taking us down money lane, jogging our memories on where we had spent our 400 bucks before .Oh Yeaah…Cute films those.Our heroic demi-god as a  home-grown superman and then we got that free tourist ride in a South East Asian country as well in Part II. So I settled back into my seat and gave the movie my full unparalleled attention. Ok. Let’s say I tried. At first I thought the movie had not yet begun and this was  proxy advertisement for 22 big companies whose boards brazenly lined the landscape and refused to be part of the debris of the falling buildings.

I was fidgeting in my seat as the visit down memory lane seemed to go on for some time. I looked around. No one seemed to be minding it. Ok perhaps we needed to catch up on the story before to be able to intelligently connect to what was going to come on. Hmm. Patience my friend.

And then just to announce that all is well in the family of Indian supermen, an aircraft loses its ability to extract its nose wheel. So Krrish our superhero who has been living a quiet life now flies along with the plane and tries to provide on air mechanical repair services. Let’s give it to them, it was impressive. I mean like provide hydraulic services in mid air with the help of apparently home brewed special effects is no mean feat.

The task done, our superman jumps into a cocktail rehash of Osibisa version of Raghupati Raghav Rajaram. The hero dances and Priyanka who shies from calling her husband by his real name and prefers to hail him with a “ husbandji” just in case somebody mistook the relationship for a live-in, joins him smartly in executing a few deft moves.This dance is the only one where they attempt any impressive steps in a movie otherwise with very mediocre music.

The rest of the movie my friends is mind numbing. Incredible quality considering that I dozed of 6 times and most of the times being woken because I slipped off my arm and palm supporting my head or the loud blast from the stereo speakers.  There is a lot of technical gibberish handed out to the audience on how the dad Roshan will somehow'im-prism'( my word J) the sun rays into a concentrated laser beam arranged in something that reminds you of jewellery heist movies and which give life to shrivelled leaves.  Meanwhile a villain – Vivek Oberoi works hard to sit in a wheel chair and act with his face. I am still trying to figure out the funny ScrapYard look that he has been given - Possibly the worst buildup and image that a villain could have got. He was looking dressed up in metal garbage. Like they covered him with Glue and asked him to jump into a metal scrapyard. He is also credited with creating Kangana Ranawat and all these days I thought she hailed from some small town in the north. Surprise Surprise not so. So she wears a heavily gelled hair piece and also adorns something resembling a chastity belt …oops sorry this is a children’s movie so that must have not been the intention, alright!

If you need technical details of what the villains do and how Krrish saves the baby while destroying 15 skyscrapers and possibly killing all the people in it, please contact Krrish’s father from the far more cuter Koi Mil Gaya days and  yes in the process you will the time out to contribute to what should make it the largest grosser in the Indian industry.

Priyanka looks far more beautiful and entertaining in this movie with her decent Punjabi dresses especially the light Blue Lucknowi apparel. Was it Fab India? Oh oh I am digressing. She has an important role to play. She needs to embrace husbandji every time he gets confused about his role, prevent Kangana small town girlji from stealing the limelight from her and attempting to be called the heroine of this movie and most importantly ensure that we do not escape Krrish 4 as she gives birth to a child who is likely to be an understudy to Spiderman.

Are we somewhere confusing our abilities to reproduce passé special effects of Hollywood movies as being the benchmark for great cinema. Because there is an embarrassing pause after every attempt at bringing down buildings perhaps giving time for us to soak in  our awe struck emotions.

A Boring and an inane plot coupled with disjointed special effects badly pooled in from a number of Hollywood predecessors do not do the movie any good.I, Desperately want to go back and know more about Deshmukh sahib, or perhaps enjoy the cooing cry of the baby. Maybe even ask the family ahead of me to stand up and stretch their legs and exchange seats once again so that I do not have to see the screen. Perhaps join the stock broker on Sunday for the muhurat stock trading.

Honestly I dislike being hurtful of people like Mr.Rakesh Roshan and Mr.Hritik Roshan who seem so earnest in their intention to drag the Hindi movies from an existing rut but they are just moving it to a new dried cesspool of all bones-no-flesh-storyline.

Hritik obviously is not his usual self, dancing carefully obviously trying not to jerk his hurt body and yet there is no denying that there is no greater looker than him in the entire industry. Priyanka does look petite for a change in Indian dresses and Kangana looks vulnerable enough to be protected. Rest is a tale of blue special effects. And yes I am not certainly buying any product of the 22 companies that hit me in the face throughout the movie. Seriously there has to be some decency in making advertisements stick out vulgarly. It does not help as it distracts from an already poor script.

I wonder what it is with Diwali that brings out the worst Special effect horrors from the Hindi Film Industry. I am sure next year I am spending Diwali night at home even if Krrish 4 releases after a thundering performance at the theatres this week.

Ok Cell phone sir, you were saying something about 1st day third show….?