My tryst with the demons... Review on Handling Depression

Now an 18yr old may not be the ideal person to tell you about handling depression. So rather than going into the general scheme of things, I will tell you about my first real encounter with stress. And I think I share it with many others

Hell is on earth

As many of you might be knowing, I was preparing for JEE 2005. For 2 years, JEE had been my life and I was pretty sure of admission - if not a good rank. At least my ranks in Kota would surely suggest that.

On 16 July I got up at 8am(Normally'am' is not exactly when I get up after having given all the exams). Logged in to the result page and after entering the roll no., the damned page showed that my worst dream had indeed come true -'Candidate_ has not qualified'. Once more - same result. There was no mistaking it now. But it did not sink in just then.'AIEEE is still there'.

Three days later, memories of my toil came and I knew this was no small stuff. What followed was a series of miserable days. I was on my bed most of the time - closed in my room. Every time I opened my cupboard the only things I saw were the books. It was a real pain telling it to relatives.'Maybe I am just not good enough'. But I knew there could not have been a big margin. One more trauma. The sheer thought that JEE beat me was proving too much for my somewhat puffed up ego. And I am not someone who frets over things.

The deal

'I have to deal with it myself, its'my' failure' - I thought. Mistake. But I did not share it with anyone. There some things you have no control over. Failures are bound to happen at some stage. What is important to learn from them and not repeat the mistakes. Moving on is the key - though it is hard, real hard. I had to constantly remind myself of the options left and shove the ones lost, out of my mind. Looking on the positive side, JEE had consumed much of my time and not let me focus on many other important things like my health and alternative career options which I could consider now. I had stopped looking beyond the wall. It was relieving once I realised it.

Another good way to beat it is to divert your attention to other things. I for one got back to MS, played a hell of a lot of football and bought several new game CDs to keep me busy.'Idle mind is the house of demons' they say. And though queer as it may sound, I even danced on MJ tracks at 2 in the morning when I could not sleep. To each his own! Bad days don't last, good dancers do.um. not exactly!

Now I am almost over the past and am sure I will get a decent engineering institute. And yes I also have a silver lining - I am considering another good option - MBA from US! See, there are good things in life after all. All you have to do is give yourself a chance.

PS: Please forgive me if I happened to sound like your school headmaster!