Jan 28, 2004 01:02 PM
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(Updated Jan 28, 2004 01:29 PM)
Do you know how I pronounce Psychology? Just asked out of morbid curiosity. .For a change(Oye! change se yaad aaya * I don’t even have any change in my pocket today, seems like I’ll have to make the customary rounds of the nearby temple …hmm)I have decided to write a *Normal Lewis review .This is the only life we have so dont make it hell because that's were we will eventually land up and i'm sure you don’t want to do a rehearsal or do you? I realized that something is terrible wrong with our society when I found 7 out of my 6 friends depressed. They say kal ho na ho therefore worry about your horrible past / present today itself! ye aaj-kal ke bachee bhi na!
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*Case 1: Ek ‘married’ hasina thi
Subject -speak: I was religiously fielding for this girl for over six months now, last evening she agreed to come with me for a long-drive .And then just two of us, just imagine! Man was I happy.The car jerked to a halt *(samjha karo yarron) and I announced that we have run out of fuel. What next? She pulled out a bottle from her handbag .Wow, brandy or whisky?, I exclaimed? ….Petrol, she replied. Wait, there’s more to come. To my horror, I found out that she’s a member of Red Cross Society, I mean she’s married yaar.I’m feeling dejected and depressed!
Me: Look at me mate, even my gf’s is getting married, Beta, main toh bhari jawani mein widhwa ho gaya! am I even a wee bit depressed? Every night I travel 13 miles to bang my head thrice against a road-side lamp-post but depressed, nah . Just stay away from those red cross society members.
*Case 2: Hum aapke hain Own
Subject-speak:One guest hates the other and the host hates them all* . I’m sick of these guest-appearances *, hey just drop in and then refuse to drop out .One of these impertinent guests keeps making incessant demands –It’s kinda small demand, *Chotee se mang hai, bhar do yaar.Look dude, I replied, I don’t think things have come to such a pass ki mujhe kise ladke ki mang bhari pade What do you think I’m Karan Johar?, alright, so don’t play this *mang bharo sajna * thing with me . I just wanna get rid of these guests somehow, anyhow .
Me: Yeah right, they are intolerable .One day when I feigned stomache a guest enquired whether I was pregnant . This exasperated me no end., I just hate such jokes .I’m a typical *Bhartiya nari errr nara err purush * and I aint married! How can anyone talk such rubbish about me! There’s only one way out – become a guest .
*Case 3: Log on – once upon a time
Subject-speak: There’s a girl, her mail id is Mailer demon or something like that .Everyday I receive her mails and I duly reply her .Though he never writes a word in her mails, must be a shy girl, I like her a lot .I think she’s an American, see the Id, I love imported gfs. I think I’m in love with her and I’m planning to propose her on *Volunteer’s day. 14th feb, you know, when volunteers crop up from left, right and centre. I’m on cloud number nine and …
Me: Hang on, I’m trying to solve your problem and you are making me feel depressed now! Are you crazy or what? Do you have any idea what you are saying! I know the truth might depress you but you ought to know . I have known this girl for 2 years and I know for sure, she loves me .Wo sirf mere hai.
*Case 4: Boss yun hi
Subject-speak: You know my boss resembles an ox with it’s one horn broken . I wish he had a tail, I’d have risked my job to tie crackers to it .He’s a strange creature, he wants me to work! He wont let me park my bike in my personal chamber, he wont let me smoke In his chamber, he wont let me distribute official stationary among my kids . Isn’t this ridiculous! And these days he’s playing dad to our receptionist, *a la * Mohan Aghase in *Paap. Mohan * Aghase ya Piche se , somehow he always drops in when I’m busy discussing ‘certain matters’ with Miss *Main Kusum.
Me: Friend, there’s no such thing as having upper hand or lower abdomen .There's a saying - fighting with your boss is like fighting with a pig in muddy water, after some time you realise while you are getting dirty your boss is actually enjoying it! Learn to live with him, your turn will come, may be posthumously, but it will come that’s for sure .
*Case 5: Dubai se aaya mera dost
Subject-speak: My childhood friend, Johnny, is back from Dubai . He’s no ordinary man now, he’s a *Bhai.While his dad renounced him saying that a Bhai cant be his son, his wife, on the other hand, is actually proud to have a bhai as her husband. For me my Bhai is dead and who’s alive is nothing but a bhai. Johnny Dusman, *goodbhai* forever. Heard he’s given my supari to some petty criminals to shave half of my moustache and parade me in the city in a saree . All of a sudden Saree seems to be the hardest word!. What to do, mere toh watt lag gaye mamu.
Me: The other day I saw a ‘no admission without permission’ sign-board outside an underworld office as if I would have entered! As and when this happens insist on a red saree and don’t forget to do an Item-number yaar.
*Case 6: Kal Wo na ho
Subject-speak: Yesterday my gf broke up with me for a chimpanzee looking guy . Now I really don’t know whether to offer this guy bananas or to beat him up .I’m thoroughly confused and *fultu depressed .
Me: Monkey se Chimpanzee tak, I must say that the girl is making progress in leaps and bounds . Stop crying over spilt beer, get another gf and shower her with gifts .Honesty, my friend, is the key to any relationship, once you can fake it you are in . Always gift lipsticks, if not 3/4th you will surely get back ½ of your gift back .
Continued in the comment section.
