WARNING: This Review is a General Article on SLEEPLESSNESS & wouldnt offer recommendations for overcoming the same. However, if U feel you suffer from this, read this to discover the hidden horizons.
Before U proceed, keep the MTNL Telephone Directory with U right now & a Re. Coin. Keep the Directory on ur right hand aside. Toss the coin. Before the coin hits the ground, choose either HEADS or TAILS. If its Heads, ur word is Mehta, & if tails, its Shah.
Now pick up the MTNL Directory & go to the first page, which talks about the name [either Mehta or Shah, as decided by the Toss]. Now count the number of instances of that name. *Count & then read the rest of the review
Welcome back.
CASE I:If U feel guilty that U slept while counting & its the next day now, U can skip this review.
CASE II: If U are tired, & just peeped in here to take a break from the counting [by this time U would have counted around 1873 instances], please keep the MTNL directory aside, read the rest .
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I have a BAD NEWS & a GOOD NEWS for U.
BAD NEWS - If U had counted 2 more names & then peeped in here, U could have easily entered the Guinness Book for the most number of names counted in a single stretch. Opportunity Lost.
Don’t feel Disheartened. U have a GOOD NEWS too. U can elevate the country’s Economy. HOW? Read on.
I met my old friend Thungda Khanna at the bar & our discussions zeroed on nation’s economy & its impact on the common man. Thungda Khanna however felt its the other way round. Allow me to take U through Thungda Khanna’s amazing theory –Sleep & Economy, Bhai Bhai.
SLEEP
A Ha! Easily the most important & the longest(non)activity in a day [8 hrs as per definition]. But being slaves to a mechanical city life, sleep too has got slotted as Fast Moving commodity like consumer goods. Everything in today’s life, needs to be Fast. Even the sleep. The Price U pay for this self-imposed service - A tired/depressed/ anxious/restless/angry/nervous energy state of mind & body.
There are ofcourse, in true city style, many instant remedies. Im sure U would have tried medications, consultations or probably even hypnosis to cure this.
VIRTUES OF A SLEEPING ECONOMY
A survey data available from USA reveals the story thus,
· 47% of employed Adults face sleeplessness [That’s almost half the working population].
· 42% experience pain or aches along with Sleeplessness, though they don’t report the pain or don’t think too much about the Pain.
OF these Sleepy eyes….
· 63% report problems regarding concentration & handling stressful situations on job.
· 57% report problems in LISTENING [don’t blame ur boss now, count him as one here]
· 53% report problems in decision making ability & 48% report problems with co-workers.
This Sleeplessness has resulted in 18 Million dollar loss to the US Economy owing to sagging productivity. *Courtesy – National Sleep Foundation, USA – 1997
Now clear why Dubya IS behind the Oil Wells at Iraq?. But, Im sure every other country [including aamchi Bharat] has similar dismal statistics.
LACK OF SLEEP & IMPACT ON ECONOMY
If only U guys had SLEPT WELL these years, our economy would have been spiraling up & U could have enjoyed the following benefits:
· Interest rates offered by Banks would have been much better.
· Millions wouldn’t have been given Pink Slips owing to companies downsizing.
· The BSE Sensex index would be soaring at 3500+.
· The Re. would be reading 46 against the Dollar.
· Govt of India wouldn’t have pinched a working individual for extra slabs of Taxes.
· More companies would have come to ur college for Campus Recruitments. More Openings.
· Ur salary would have increased in the last 2 years by atleast 25% per annum.
· Petrol would have costed atleast Rs 2 less. Diesel less by Rs 1.50.
· The Govt Wouldn't have introduced Tax for everything U Eat & Drink.
and countless other good could things COULD have happened … IF ONLY U HAD SLEPT.
WAKE UP GUYS
Now dont take this too literally. The Wake Up call is a request for U guys to SLEEP. [Life is full or ironies. Count this as another].
I have 2 solutions for U. One ofcourse is Methods to Sleep. The other method is to continue ur existing lifestyle - Sleepless ghouls & yet make productive use of it [thereby contributing to the country’s economy].
A. Methods to Sleep
As I said before, Im not a GP & wouldn’t take the risk of recommending solutions. Other non-medical solutions are easier said than done, so Im not recommending them either. However recently people have reported marvelous SLEEP success with this method:
Watch every episode of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhie Bahu Thi & Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki. Alternatively, watch the news telecasted on DoorDarshan. [In case U are already with Conditional Access System].
B. For Sleepless Ghouls
Ha! This is my domain for some recommendations.
Did U know that U guys stand a much better chance of getting a job in the Call Centre, an industry which faces the maximum attrition rate mainly because, ordinary mortals can’t cope up with the pressure of remaining awake in the nights! U have a great chance & a career here. Call center [BPO / ITES] incidentally is also one of the highest paid sector in today’s economy.
And imagine going to office at 11:00 pm in the night. No traffic. No Autos Zipping between ur legs. No Pandu Whistling at U for not wearing the Seat Belt. Instead, U have Pick-up facilities thru a company sponsored Car / Van. U neither have smelly fishes by ur side, nor the enthusiastic crowd which seems to be charting out new dimensions in committing suicide with their aggressive pushes in a Virar Fast Local train. No need to wonder whether the train is coming on platform #5 or #3.
Have a Blast at NIGHT! U too CAN contribute to the country’s economy.
Thus, ends excerpts from Thungda Khanna’s theory on Sleep & Economy Bhai Bhai.. I was flabbergasted at the end of it. My glass was empty & I was still holding on to it, lost in my thoughts.
Keeping the Glass down, after I did my own HIGH level mental calculations on this theories, I asked him - Thungda, one final Question. If the person is very confused as to whether he should use method 1 or method 2 to contribute to the economy, how to resolve this?’.
Thungda Khanna * ordered for one more *Large with a snap, brought his head close to mine, his red eyes burrowing on mine, & whispered ‘When in doubt, always SLEEP’ .
Saying thus, he crashed his head on the table, Gravity helping him to land his head faster than the normal pace & off he crashed to SLEEP. He is one helluva contributor to the Economy of an country.
