Aug 21, 2005 02:31 AM
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(Updated Aug 21, 2005 02:31 AM)
Constantine is a flick that tries to combine Client Eastwood's cowboyish histrionics, with the skills of Jason Miller(The Exorcist),and the gift of young Haley Joel Osment(The Sixth Sense) topped with the I-dont-Give-A-Damn attitude of Neo(The Matrix);let everything else go flying out of the window! Finally what we have is a pathetic horror movie that turns out to be more of a documentary on the chain-smoking habits of a paranoid bent on finding his way to heaven!
The plot(if there is anything like it at all)is that earth is inhabited in equal numbers by angels and demons.The demons try their best to make people commit sin and thereby win them to their side,while the angels try to protect them. Thus there is this perpetual battle to outnumber one against the other. In the middle of all this chaos there are also some wayfaring demons who enter human bodies,against the ethics of the document signed between Heaven and hell!
Keanu,who plays the central role of John Constantine,is a highly-gifted,brave,middle-finger-showing exorcist who like to play around with all kindsa spirits. He smells em out,smokes em to oblivion and is happy to go without a fees,thereby carving his long-tortuous way to the doors of Heaven!
The movie is full of Matrix like cliches;there is a scene where he stands on a chair in front of hundreds of humans-metamorphing into demons ,shooting his big-multi-barelled gun at everyone,as the camera freezes in on some of em and holy water is sprinkled from above! And he manages to escape without a scratch. ''Look out! Its a bird,its a spider,no it aint. It's Constantine!''
The director throws in Rachel Weisz(Angela) who is a cop endowed with psychic powers. Angela seeks Constantine's help in unearthing the mystery behind her twin sister's murder. And lo, Constantine,sits on a chair,puts his feet in water,places a cat in his lap and stares at its eyes;as the Maya fabricated door closes behind Constantine is transported into hell,a replica of earth and there he gets the message from her sisters lingering spirit,just before she plunges into the hungry mouths of unerathly demons! As the lurching demons pounce on Constantine,he takes this God-knows-what sphere of liquid and breaks it,immediately re-transporting himself back to his place on earth. ''Good show there!''
As the movie progresses we meet Gabriel,Satan and even God. The last scene is really unbelievable. As Angela lies dead on the ground,Constantine cuts his wrists and waits for Satan to come. Finally he manages to wager his soul in-exchange of Angela's life. Lucifer grants this wish. But when Satan finally tries to carry the soul back, Constantine is shown elevating into heaven as he dreamily shows his middle finger(''Take That !'').
But Lucifer would not have it,''I cant possibly be duped by a human!''. So he holds Constantine,pulls out his nicotine-blackened-lungs,replacing em with fresh ones! Abracadabra!
At this point you start feeling maybe the movie's finally over. But wait, Keanu walks over to Gabriel who has now been punished with mortality by God. She begs to be killed,but Keanu gives her a big knock with his multi-barreled-gun,as she screams-''Ouch! That hurts!''. ''Get used to it!''-thats what he replies back!
The movie ends showing Constantine chewing a gum instead of smoking! A breather! Cant believe people can even think of such an impossible plot. But what the heck,everything sells !