I am not at all photogenic and so avoid getting within the frame of any photo. I have tried everything.
Well, it’s a different story that like any normal person, in any photograph, my eyes search and stop at my own image, only to get that “awww” feeling.
I have seen luckier ones. I have seen marriages being fixed just based on a snap! I have seen people adding people to TC based on their snaps. I have even seen people sending their "fotoo" with the resume and getting selected without the interview!
I have been there but never done that !
So, why poor me? Or rather why not poor me? Why wasn’t I blessed with a photogenic face?
This led me to probe the matter. Hence, I decided to research and research I did for 110 years. And while I sat under the apple tree, and apple fell on my head, the ABC of things-going-wrong for me dawned upon me! So, this review is for all those who are sailing in the same Titanic as me. Let us get better snaps clicked to make this world a better place(?)
So here comes the newage ABC.
A for Angle. Yes, maybe I need to stand at the correct angle especially when I am blessed with more width than height. The falling apple enlightened me to the fact that the angle should be 47 degrees to the camera. That will be just right to convert me into a perfect figure!
B for Beauty. This is a very subjective term. I cant do a Sridevi and get my nose transformed. All I can do is visit a beauty parlour before getting my snaps clicked! But then I still carry the ghost that pictured in my reception snaps.
C for Camera. Yes, this is main culprit for my snaps going awry. I am yet to discover a good camera which will justify my true face. Thank God for the genius who invented digital cameras! I can promptly delete the snaps that can give Ramsay a run for their money!
D for Dress. Better to keep the dresses as colourful as possible. They will help distracting the viewers and hence give an illusion of a beautiful "fotoo".
E for Eyes. Since beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, we now have one more source of possible error in judgement. What you can do is ask the person who is NOT admiring your snap to get his eyes checked by some GEEK.
F for Focus. The need of the hour is focus! Many a times, it’s the cameraman who is the main culprit. Its the cameraman who needs to make sure he focuses on the subject rather than the distracting objects around it. So, before getting the snaps clicked, make sure that even the eyes of the cameraman is checked thoroughly.
G for Genes. According to Maharishi Darwin, the whole and sole blame of anything that is beyond your powers can be attributed to the jeans that you inherit. Oops, read that as genes! So, if I am not photogenic I know that the particular gene located on the 18th X chromosome is to be corrected. Hence rush to the nearest DNA outlet and correct that subscription!
H for Hand. This is really tough. Many a times, I am left wondering where to hang my hands. Should I place them on my kamara.. sorry kamar (waist)! Should I cross them behind my back or hold them in front. So, I just let them hang and look lost and maybe that’s another of the reason for the fiasco in the name of my snap!
I for Innovation. You can innovate new ideas to collect all beautiful items (things) around you and arrange in a fashion that can help create a mirage of a perfect picture! Think, innovate and change the world!
J for Just, K for Korrect and L for Lights - Just Korrect Lights(any spelling mistake is to be attributed to recent english classes on MS). Light follows a peculiar path when it falls on me. Either it reflects badly and gives me a ghostly and ghastly look or it refuses to reach me leaving me in dark. I am still looking for the KORRECT kind of light, (psst Daya, can you help?).
M for Mood.This one is very important. Professor of moodolgy, Doctor Moodpecker says that YOUR mood controls the way the camera reacts to you. The better mood you are in, the better will be your photo. So, when you are feeling blue, all you have to do, is stay away from anything that resembles camera.
N for NormalAgreed. Fine. Being normal helps. No point in being conscious of an inanimate thing like camera. Be cool, be calm and don’t run for the cover or the mirror when someone says “cheese”. Its so easy to advise but why cant I ever follow it. Why?
O for Optimist.Being optimistic helps. Being positive that your picture would turn out good will actually turn it into a good one says Robin Karma. I am still trying this one, will let you know as soon as I succeed.
P for Pose. Some like to pose with their hand on their cheek with a pen in tow. Some like to stand by the window. Some sit in café coffee day. Some just smile. Some stand by the river, some by a tree. Some hang from a pole. Some try to hold on to their hats. Some decide to show only their forehead in their photo. You can pick and chose and experiment. A good pose will get you a good applose (applause?)
Q for Quickie. By virtue of experiments, it has been proved that a quickly taken snap comes out more natural than the one that takes a lot of time. So, quickies are always good!
R for Ridiculous, S for Smile. I tried it all. If I show my teeth, they take up majority of the frame. If I don’t show, it looks that I am eating some rosogulla! So, how much smile is too much smile? I am yet to discover. But smile is a must.
T for Technology. Well, if the snap is really bad, we can always take the help of Photoshop! Give it a hazy look. Make some frame of flowers around you. Colour the hair. Make your snap Black and White. And Aila! Your pic can be the pick of the year!
U, V, W, X -YoU Very Well know that this review is getting a little bit tough for me. Hence I am leaving this Xthing and moving on.
Y for YOU! Can you change you? So, I have a better idea. The great philosopher, Fatty Collins, has disclosed that if you want to look thinner stick around with those fatter than you. This same principle can be applied for pictures too. Whenever possible, grab the next person in sight who is much less photogenic than you. The end result would be a charming YOU! But unfortunately, I am yet to find someone who is worse than me… sigh!
Z for Zebra! Why Zebra? Why not Zebra? The answer is obvious. I cant think of anything with EZED!
Phew!!! After all this research, I have understood one fact - that there is no trick for enhancing your beauty in your snap. Some people are just plain lucky, sigh!
So, now you know why there is that caricature on my profile
