Many of you must be wondering what is Maddy doing, writing a review under this category. Let me explain!
First off, let me tell everyone that this review is pure fantasy. In the world of reality, husbands do not have any right to decide what they should be gifted. Why, husbands do not have any right to decide what anyone should be gifted. If wifey gives you any gift at all, it just means one of the two things. Either your wife has eyed a new diamond jewellery for herself, or else, your marriage is new, and she is yet to learn what a chump she has married.
I am not hinting that all husbands are chumps. Look at me! Do you think I am a chump? All my employees will tell you that I am the most dashing person in the whole world, especially if you ask them between the 1st and the 10th of every month. But somehow, my wife believes that I am a chump, and I have maintained that belief in her mind. It always helps! For example, if I forget my umbrella in a taxi, she feels happy that her belief about me was right. And when a wife feels happy, she doesn't create a brawl. And when she doesn't create a brawl, the husband feels relieved. And when a husband feels relieved, he remains in a good mood. And when he is in a good mood, he works hard. And when he works hard, the nation is benefitted. And when the nation is benefitted.it's kind of good for the country, if you know what I mean! And hence, for the country's progress, it is necessary that every wife believes that her husband is a chump!
Now, when a wife believes that her husband is a chump, there is absolutely no way that she can allow him to choose his own gifts! Hence, I am thankful to Mouthshut for providing me with a platform where I can fantasize about what gifts I want from my wife(other than silence). I was so excited at the very thought of jotting down these gifts, that I immediately decided to write a review under this topic. So, here I am!
I remember those days when I was not a husband. You know, the days when you decide what clothes you will wear, and whether you will go for a bash at the local joint, or how many shots of whisky is enough for you, etc. The good old bachelor days! When you are bachelor who never go on to become the masters.
Incidentally, those were also the days when my wife was not a wife(Elementary, my dear Watson!). She was a dreamy eyed college girl who thought that I was the best thing in the whole wide world.
Incidentally, again, those were also the days when she used to spend days thinking about what to gift me, and hours selecting the right gift at the store. And what's more, all that money was spent by an unsuspecting poor thing- her father!
I used to receive shirts, perfumes, aftershaves etc. Every time she gave me a shirt, she made it a point that I did not have the same colour, and that I liked the quality. If I said no, it was a death sentence for the shop owner from where she had bought it. Her gift had to be certified by my choice. Period!
Today, when my wife decides on buying a shirt for me, the scene is as follows:
We go to a swanky new shop in Lokhandwala complex. The salesman looks at my wife with a toothy smile and says- Yes, ma'm. Can I help you?
My wife waves towards me and asks him if he has anything my size.okay, make that capital- MY SIZE.
The salesman looks at me with a horrified look. I feel I just saw him gulp. The toothy smile vanishes within 2.03 seconds. Finally, the salesman decides to take up the challenge, and shouts at a lean boy- Jaraa XXL ke box laana.
You want full sleeves or half sleeves?- he asks me. Before I could open my mouth, my wife orders- Full Sleeves.
As I look at the shirts, I almost shout with pleasure. Such nice quality, such vibrant colours.I say to myself- Truly, the garment fellers nowadays come out with superb clothes.
With every shirt I try my hopes increase, and the salesman's hopes decrease, thanks to my wife's responses. I like a particular olive green shirt, and for a moment, I also think that my wife smiled a bit(a very rare occurrence), but then again, my wife discards it. As we leave the salesman in a heap of clothes, I clear my throat and venture saying- That green one was nice, wasn't it?
Yes- she replies - I liked it. As I stand confused as to why she did not buy it, she tells me- Now that I know that there is at least one colour that suits you, I will get an olive green shirt from Ghatkopar when I visit my mom. They come cheaper there!
I receive the gift when she returns from her next trip to her parents. As I look at the shirt, I say to myself- Truly, the garment fellers nowadays come out with some of the worst clothes.
Alas! The agonies of marriage!
Anyway.here is a list of things that I would have loved to get as gifts from my wife. Please note that every husband is a different kind of chump and my choices may not match with the others! However, this is a list of gifts I would love to receive from my wife, and hence, may be useful to ladies who read reviews under this topic. Any such ladies are requested to congratulate their respective chumps on my behalf.
MY LIST
1. A watch
I always believed that a watch spells class. My favourite brands are Titan, Seiko and Citizen.
2. A nice branded shirt
Every man loves good shirts. I personally love mild coloured shirts.
My wife loves darker shades. I generally wear darker shades, for obvious reasons.
3. Music CDs
It is my hobby. And a thing which fulfils a person's hobby is always the best gift item. As for my taste, anything soft and instrumental will do. I also love gazals, western classical and of course, R.D.Burman.
4. Candle light Dinners
Though most of the husbands do not believe their wives to be their idea of romance, I can assure you that their so called ideas of romance cannot stand their sight. So, I always feel good when my wife makes me feel special. And yes.there have been times when she has done it.
Why, she just treated me to such a dinner last week- just before I bought her that gold jewellery she wanted!
5. Permission to have alcoholic drinks
This is one thing every husband who drinks liquor wants! Normally when I ask my wife if I can have some whisky, her answer is- Why are you asking me? Do what you like!
Beware! If you take the literal meaning and do what you like, you may be in for big time trouble. Intelligent husbands like me know that the above statement is sarcastic and, in matrimonial dictionary, simply means- Just you try having it! I will box your ears and blacken your eyes and punch your nose and break your bones!
Under such conditions, when your wife sweetly smiles and gives you the nod to have some shots of whisky, it is the best gift!
IN CONCLUSION
I hope that my ramblings above have helped some of the ladies at Mouthshut. Please do not feel offended by a poor husband's complaints. As I said, these are just fantasies. A husband can open his mouth only on such a platform. Otherwise.it's a *Mouth Shut Life for the poor souls.
And as I always say.I never wrote what I wrote and you never read what you read in case you bump into my wife!
