Nov 10, 2008 02:21 PM
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A Man Sets a Bomb in Train: sitting in front was a young man – apparently worried, smoking profusely. Finally I broke ice, fired my first shot –“you are smoking too much”. “yeah I know” he grinned. Then came his story. He is Rakesh, a native of Kanpur, did his Engg from Bangalore & worked for 4 years. Now leaving the job suddenly he was heading home. Reason – he had to look after his parents. He said “last week when my mother called to narrate how much she struggled to buy medicines, carry food to hospital etc when papa was sick, I decided to return to them. Everyone thinks I am foolish, what do you say? I asked him why cant be bring his parents to Bangalore. They didn’t like bigger cities & they wanted to be close to their soil. He knew very well that even the best job he got would only fetch him less than half the salary. So he was divided. His heart said he was doing the right thing, but his mind was presenting calculations. Add to it, everyone around only talked calculations.
Finally, I quoted him 'road not taken' by Robert Frost & said “You have chosen what is right in eyes of God. In the short term career wise it may look like a setback, but your parents blessings will be with you & 20 years from now, you will not regret this decision & with this you will have shown your children a great Indian tradition – that of caring for parents”. After that he smoked less & we talked a lot. The above words of wisdom are proof that ‘once in a while a fool also talks wise’ … just like any clock shows right time twice a day’ ;-) He got down at his station but not before setting a bomb! The bomb he set was not a time-bomb, but a thought bomb, which wud tick for long time in my mind & eventually after 3 years it exploded, when I was in a similar but not severe dilemma & I followed Rakesh.
An Indian Context: I wonder why often our references to mythology get celeb-stuck to only few. Do you know there was an aamaadmi character in ramayan, Shravana kumar, whose only claim to fame is his caring for parents! In such an India, with family values counting high we see an increasing number of ‘old age homes’ used to dump parents. Mother Teresa went on to call this tendency ‘the leprosy of the west’. I feel there is also a ‘oldage homes’ mafia thats making money, by taking in elders whose children happen to be rich & NRIs. The government also runs many such homes, further increasing corruption. Remember how sarkari institutions work – some babu, some contractors are making money out of their plight. I would be a fool to think, a system that can’t make a good road, can handle a humane issue like caring for children/aged people.
But Why care for them? : 1) We will also be old someday, it’s a matter of time & old age is not a disease.
2)Aged persons in general, parents in particular need special attention
3)Its right & moral duty to care for them – as its they who cared for us, when we were helpless.
4)It fetches you their blessings, God’s blessings & blessings of other people.
5)Be setting an example to children, you wud have inspired many to follow this tradition.
6)Children also benefit from being nurtured by grandparents – besides getting stories ;-)
7)No human deserves to die ‘unwanted’ & ‘shunned’ - looking after them ensured dignity in death
8)if you don’t care for them while they are alive, later on realization you will feel bitter.
The Right Approach: When a cow stops yielding milk – we sell it to the butcher. We live in a world where if we are not careful we can swept away by the consumerist culture which rates human beings based on their usefulness. Add to this the run for money & individualistic mindset, ‘discard the useless people’, appears right. We even see many cases where parents are shunned the moment they have divided the property! To reverse this, we as individuals & society need to develop an attitude of duty/responsibility towards the elders, than looking them as burdens. Like every human being all that crave is for some love, some sense of belonging & self esteem – that’s not a big ask, considering what they have already given. Can we ever be thankful enough?
Some things: One comedy show had this script. The old father calls his NRI children to say ‘I am divorcing ur mother & marrying a younger girl”. Considering the shame about to come on their family, all children come rushing to dissuade father from doing it. They found on arrival that he had lied. Mother says “I only asked him to tell such a lie, otherwise I wudnt get to see you all together. At least for this reason you came, now I can see my grandchildren”!! ;-) Some things we can check : When was the last time we took our parents for health examination? When was the last time or how frequently have we spoken to our parents (eye to eye) to discuss their problems, concerns, aspirations (they too have these!!) Do we listen to them, at all?
Related Issues: I have read of stories where matrimonial prospects for single girl/girls only family got affected bcos there is always a question as to who will care for their parents. Films often show ek-lauti beti coming with lot of jaydaat, but in reality, even with all wealth, the welfare of the girl’s parents are not ensured, unless the son-in-law & the in-laws are considerate enough. It not just about the money, its about being with them in their hour of need. In such occasions people & society society have to come out of their selfish hypocritical approach.
Be the Change: Many years back a foreign woman was moved by what mother teresa was doing, called her & said “I want to come to Kolkata, I want to be part of your mission – I want to look after the old age ppl u have, I want to look after the orphans u have”. Mother teresa said “Find your own Kolkata, you have needy people around you too, first begin with you family, love your children, respect your parents, care for them”. If only everyone got the essence of it
p.s: despite all this - "parents love their children more than the childrens loving their parents!!
