Are over-caring Dads right ?. Review on Bommarillu Movie

We have seen hajaar movies where the parent is right. And the sons and

daughters dutifully follow their parents and rise to glory. There would be this

extremely difficult moral choice which the hero has to make,  pop, he

remembers a sagacious one-liner by his parent .To make a short story long,

he faces a lot of difficulties along the way, but in the end, you know, he

triumphs and the parent gives him a good hug with tears in cheek. Parents are

right, when they are wrong, refer to the beginning of the movie.

Just to keep the balance in perspective, can we flip the coin around and see

if there is a movie which depicts the contrary viewpoint, if any? Bommarillu

attempts to do that. Not without demerits though. First, what I didn't

like  about the movie: the way how, in certain scenes, Prakash Raj is

made out to look like a fool. And that for what? For(over)caring for his son.

Come on, That isn't reason enough to make some Dad into a fool. That extreme

could have been avoided.  To be fair,

given what the movie sets out to depict, it couldn't have been avoided that Dad

is shown in poor light. However, the director might have included a scene or

two to defend the parents' viewpoint.

Now that I have pointed out what I didn't like, let me go ahead and mention

what I liked. Whatever the viewpoint that the movie sets out to depict, it does

a good job doing that.  I'll come to content, but the movie is taken well.

A movie might handle an old story, but if it's handled differently, and if it

can absorb you when you watch it for the first time, either as entertainment or

as thought-provoking or as a thriller, then you have got your money's worth. In

this case, even the story is different, so it's even better. In these times of

junta movies grinding the same old flour, this one comes out as a refreshing

experience. If not anything else, atleast they have kept out cheap humour,

violence and the junta masala that characterises our movies these days

Let's take a look at whether the central contention of the movie is valid.

Are over-caring Dads right? Obviously, we shouldn't generalise that all dads

are right all the time or the reverse. The movie tries to depicts ONE dad, who

is over-caring and therefore becomes the cause for frustration in the son.

Let's look at phenomena that happen more often. Parents can indeed go wrong

about their kids on certain decisions. Humans as they are, they are not

perfect. But, to make things worse, they might often be totally oblivious, even

to the very possibility that they may be wrong. This is not to say that they

love their kids less. The point is, you could love someone and still make wrong

choices for them. Out of ignorance. Out of blinding. Out of peer conditioning.

We are not talking about a Transcendental Love here to say Love always makes

right decisions. We are talking about a very human commonplace love expressed

by parents to their kids. Most often, they usually do things strongly believing

it's good for their wards and out of profound love for their welfare. But they

should pause to consider the possibility that their affection is masked by

their own possible misunderstandings and prejudices.

One area where parents quite commonly go wrong and therefore rightly pointed

out in the movie: career choices. If everyone around them is becoming an

engineer, then engineer it has to be. Why not a singer? Hey no, don't be

swayed by such infatuations, focus on your studies. Become first a doctor, earn

a lot, build your house, and then my dear son, you will have all the time in

the world for saxophone. I have even known parents who want their daughters to

do a particular course so that after that course, they can manage to get her

married with lesser dowry.

The single most important argument presented against this is: Kids are not

mature enough to take decisions right, so they better listen to their parents.

Agreed. But, seldom does it get mentioned with the same vigour that the parents

may not be mature enough sometimes to take certain decisions where their wards

can beat them to it. The implicit assumption is that parents are anyday better

equipped. The very notion the movie attempts to dispel. And moreover, the movie

does mention the hero's age as 24, so I guess, it's more about Dads over-caring

for Adult Sons, rather than about kids. I would even say sometimes, on certain

counts, grandparents take better decisions in the light of larger experiences

in life having settled most turbulences. Haven’t you heard your granny

moderating the disciplinarian regime of your dad and allowing little pleasures

that your Dad denies? She might even let the cat or two out of the bag by

letting you know what your Dad used to do when he was young.

Another area where parents could go wrong(but not depicted in the movie):

The son/daughter wants to do something of her heart's longing. Mountaineering.

Poetry. Tsunami Relief. One can understand parents being concerned about

decidedly unhealthy tendencies like smoking, drinking etc. But it is another

matter when they object to something which is quite okay, and even contribute

to the development of a rich mind. But the parent would see it differently. Not

used to these things. Worried about the danger. I have stereotypic dreams for you,

why do you want to do things that are outside the type?

Another area where parents could go wrong is failing to effect a balanced

development in a child.  No cultural activities. No Toast Masters Club. No

tennis. No this. No that. First, study, get within three ranks and then we'll

see if you indeed have any extra-curricular talents at all.

Another major area which gets goofed up thoroughly and regularly is finding

your life partner. Our movies, including this one, seem to be intent on

grinding this flour, so I'll deliberately skip this on account of inexperience.

Coming back to Love. Parents take a lot of care about their wards, out of

love for their welfare. But after a certain age, they might do well to mellow

down their protective affection by providing a certain amount of independence,

atleast at 24. Who knows, such independence might result in the blooming of a

flower, that you never expected, but more fragrant than you thought. Much as

you would expect them to be in your mould, when it does not happen for some

reason, you know that letting it go and taking it cool might show a sign of

maturity in parenting. If not anything, the movie appeals to the reasonable

parent to include this understanding in their definition of Love.A

tamil proverb puts it very succinctly: “Tholukku meley valarndhal Thozhan”. If

your son has grown up to your shoulders, treat him more as a friend.

This may not be the right viewpoint from the elders’ side, but when there is

a paucity of movies that cleanly depict what might actually be going on in the

angry young lad’s head, this one, attempts to give some pointers to that.

Recommended, once with friends and again with family.