Flight to Nowhere. Review on Bengaluru International Airport - Bangalore

This is gonna be a mix of rhyme and crime. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm wasting precious oxygen and effort on this one.Let's start off with the city known as... Bang... Beng... darn... whatever the new name is...

The City

City, city, garden city

where once bloomed, flowers pretty

now short of space, electricity

you've gone from sweet to very sh

Bangalore... a place where 7 million people reside... in space designed for a million!

now... the airport...

The Airport

Bangalore's Airport is it's life line

access to every place

its more like a hernia in the groin

a pimple on it's face

your ordeal starts when you have a flight

to catch or to get off

if you expect customer delight

you're gonna choke and cough

there's rennovation going on

they're revamping the joint

workers toiling dusk to morn

still you wonder what's the point

with several flights to grace the scene

so many flights to catch

there's only one xray machine

and a queue that none can match

you amble on like an idiot lost

and wonder where you are

the airport, wonder what it cost,

resembles the planet Mars

Ok... so you got a rough idea of what it's like. Its just a massive building that looks more like a warehouse than an airport. There are crowds everywhere. There's one xray machine and 20 flights. And... the air conditioning looks like it has been assembled from left over parts from the last 20 aircrafts that crashed.

on to the next part...

Accessibility

Roads that lead in and lead out

roads that make you twist and shout

traffic that can make you weep

people driving in their sleep

bumper bumper bumping BUMP

makes you wanna scream and jump

takes an hour to traverse

50 meters, could it be worse

two lanes are there for your wheels

taxi cabs one lane did steal

the rest the police barricade

all your hopes will die and fade

the footpath is a better choice

to drive your amby or rolls royce

but when you get to the airport, LO

all that parking space... where did it GO....

No exaggerations here... during those times when there are more than a handful of flights... it takes hours to make it to the airport. Experience me hearties... I speak from experience.

Now... on to the parking lot. Before I start this one, please make sure you have nose plugs on or you have a cold or something and cannot smell anything.

(puts on nose plugs)... here goes...

The Parking Lot

Its hard to negotiate this space

without bumping your car

and once you find an empty place

with a shoe horn you shall park

then you get out of your vehicle

and you feel a sudden rush

and tears of pain will soon trickle

you're in a toilet without a flush

there's a paid bathroom that's ok

but the folks dont wanna pay

they just pick a wall to spray

oh this vile scent wont go away

we the PEEple suffer bad

cos of PEEple who do pee

this is the state of the place, so sad

you can borrow these nose plugs from me...

I once read an article that said INDIAN MEN WILL PEE... the truth in that statement hit me hard the first time I ever stepped foot... er... drove my car... into that parking lot. After all those patriotic songs Manoj Kumar sang for this country... after all that soil he rubbed on his forehead... sigh...

On to the rest of the rest...

What Else?

Where else, would baggage be scanned and the customs guys put an X on baggage they suspect... and that too with WHITE CHALK. I've seen a lot of people erase the white chalk X and calmly cart their bags through green channel.

And then... once I was carrying an Acoustic Guitar. The guy wanted to slap duty on it saying it was 'electronic items'.

Then, there are the baggage handlers... the blokes who look sweet and seem helpful. You have a few options here. One is to tell the guy that you're perfectly capable of handling your baggage. Then again, you could make him push it for you and later listen to his angry statements like "you paid me only 50 bucks to cart your luggage 10 meters". On some rare occasions, you'll find 4 or 5 of them wanting to wheel your luggage (which might consist of a bag and a half).

So what's the positive side? There's positive in everything, isn't there? Well, here's what I feel. The government is constructing a new Airport which should be done in a few years time (the catch being, it's lightyears away from the city). Whatever they build... can only be better than this airport.

I hope my next flight will be up a flight of stairs.

~finis~