When Nature Calls. Review on Amoeba

When our boss informed us that we were going to enjoy an evening in town, little did I expect him to take us out for “Bowling”, a game as alien to me (then) as watching Guddu Dhanoa’s movies in an empty theatre. I eyed him suspiciously with an unexplainable forensic fervour for 10 seconds or so. I subject anything with GD’s tag these days to the same examination because I feel obligated to pass the benefit of my harrowing encounters to less fortunate souls who might be tricked, nay, conned into watching his “eye-opening” movies.

After surreptitiously negotiating an inauspicious (and unwarranted, though forced) yawn of boredom, I came to the bright conclusion that he was serious. I was barely into my first week at work and here was a boss who wanted to take us all out for playing games! In a way, he seemed alien to me because seldom had I come across a boss who (I learnt later) insists on taking the entire department out for an evening of fun and dinner, at least once a month.

Bangalore it was and we all left office by an assortment of 2/3/4/6 wheelers to reach “Amoeba” – an amusement centre located on Church Street (perpendicular to Brigade Road, parallel to MG Road) and adjoining “Chinese Three Quarters”, a Chinese restaurant. My humble self and Teena (teena_sri) will remember this place for a totally different experience caused by a combination of my idiocy (what’s new about it?) and Teena’s reticent deportment but that’s another comedy of errors by itself.

The Bowling centre is located on the first floor and, by Jove, its huge! For loyal pals who read my review on “Strike 10” (Andheri, Mumbai) and blessed me profusely for the friendly warning contained therein, the difference between these two places is as distinct as chalk and cheese, heaven and earth, Saddam and Bush, Maddy and Cheeky (the argument continues).

The charges are Rs. 80 for a game (comprising 10 rounds or 20 throws) on weekdays and Rs. 100 on weekends. Soon, our boss bought the coupons and we religiously trooped behind him to the shoes section where it’s mandatory to switch over to the special kind of shoes. Putting on those shoes brought back unpleasant memories of childhood when I used to be befuddled with the “laces and eyes” theory.

Each shoe has about 2 dozen “eyes” and loosening the lace, forcing my gargantuan paw into it and tying it back took a good fifteen minutes or so. I guess all bowling centres are the same the world over in the sense that they all give the same stinking and ill-fitting sizes to patrons. The huge enclosure has 10 lanes and is brightly lit.

We split up into 2 teams of 4 each and were soon building up ourselves into a gladiator like frenzy. It didn’t matter in the least that none of us had played this game before but we thankfully had a PYT who was assigned to our lane to help us out with the game, glitches and such other things. She exhibited the 4-step delivery with the grace of a ballerina and when she asked us if we were confident enough to begin the game, we all nodded demurely (may I add, with drooling tongues?).

The game itself was great fun with (yours truly) taking off like an albatross and landing like a dinosaur at the time of delivery of the ball. The Balls (the ones used for playing. Oh no! I mean the ones that are…hmm…bole toh…matlab hai ki…I hope you understand) were not as ill fitting on the fingers as the ones we came across later at “Strike 10”. For that matter, even the lane equipment worked with a clock like precision without causing havoc with the scoring system.

There’s a restaurant in-house that serves soft drinks and snacks (pronounced “Snakes”) for a charge of course but these charges are not as criminal as at many places in Mumbai. We ordered for colas and some crunchy edibles that were delivered at our lane within a very short time. There are (2+2) monitors, 2 on the ground (that show the score and strike) while the ones on top also show the scores as also a few funny doses of comic animations.

The DJ played a good mix of contemporary English numbers along with select Desi pop ones (on popular demand) and thankfully, the sound system was good and very unlike…you know what.

Thus Spake Cheeky

The highlight of this place is the “(Water) Loo”. Seldom have I seen such a sophisticated piece of equipment in a public place. I daresay setting it up must have cost more than the bowling lane equipment itself!

I had been to various other rest rooms in many public places. Most typically have half-a-dozen or so primitively modeled urinals and toilet bowls. In some cases, the existence of a partition or even the provision of a roll of tissue brings a feeling of ecstasy. My colleagues later told me that whenever they happen to be in the vicinity of Brigade Road/Church Street and if a situation arises when they are constrained to take a leak, they readily stroll in to Amoeba to relieve themselves.

Afterall, why pay a 50 paisa or 1 rupee at the dirty “Sulabh Sauchalayas” when one can stroll into the air-conditioned comfort of Amoeba for the same purpose?

Net of everything and on a more serious note, Amoeba is total “paisa vasool”. People of all ages and generations can have a whale of a time without having to shell out an obscene amount of money.

Over to you, Arun…