==LAST night, I had the wildest of dreams. I had just browsed MouthShut for a while before I went to bed. Thoughts about people here still fresh in my mind, and particularly one review that I re-read on this very subject, the dream proceeded in the craziest fashion.
It involved, of course a certain Monsieur Aditya Pande (MS-id ZuluDancing), and I decided to write it down here without any delay, and actually, I confess, without asking him! I?m sure he?ll take it in a good spirit (He had better, because I?m not going to edit this for nuts).
You must know, however, the fact that the two of us belong to the same area of Vidarbha has been exploited severely here. You might like it? read on?==
The DUKAAR Monologue Begins
I had just finished a very sumptuous breakfast comprising of a couple of slices with bread, fried egg with all sorts of spices, a bowl full of assorted fruits and a huge bumper full of apple juice. Just then, someone knocked at the door.
?ADITYA?? I bellowed to my utter surprise as I opened the door.
?Hao!? he replied promptly, jovially and with the loudness one would associate with suddenly remembering one?s own name after fifty years. ?Main ich hoon!?
?Wow,? I say stepping aside, ?come in!?
He takes a deep self-satisfied breath in, puffing his chest out, and pauses to exhale. I look up at him curiously, and he instantaneously chuckles good-naturedly. He pulls his trousers up a bit, even though he doesn?t need to, and comes inside. Rubbing both hands against each other, he surveys the living room silently.
?Erm, sorry, everyone?s gone out?I?m alone,? I explain, ?Would you like to wash up??
DUKAAR
After he was fed and watered, and rid himself of the feeling of bad hygiene that rail travelers develop overnight in the train, Aditya and I sat down opposite each other staring blankly in the living room, neither of us having the slightest idea about what is to be done next. Finally I broke the ice?
?So,? I said diplomatically, ?what do you want to do now??
(Sometimes my intelligence at engaging others in conversations amazes me)
Aditya paused for a moment, and then suddenly remembered something. He stretched across the couch, picked up his leather bag that he had dropped there, shuffle something inside and pulled out a blue bound book, the size of his palm. Smiling satisfied at it, he flashed the first page of the book at me?
It was a dictionary.
?Oh, ok, let?s talk,? I said understanding his gesture.
Aditya gestured me to wait? He seemed to be looking for a word in the book?
?Talk, talk, talk,? he kept saying??Ah, here it is. Oh, ok!? he said, good-naturedly. ?Let?s talk.?
?What brings you to my hometown this time round of the year??
I was feeling a little rid in my face.
?Wait? hometown?. Home? town?? he kept chanting, till finally he reached the entry in the dictionary. ?OH ok? Hometown?right, oh nothing, I just came to meet up old friends and relatives.?
?I see? It?s so nice of you to come down to my place. I?m amazed how you could trace my house down!?
Aditya seemed to have suddenly found his backside resting on a nail. He began searching a word in the dictionary with extreme hurry till he reached it?
?Oh, no, I vaguely remembered having come to the building opposite your home?used the telephone directory, ok? Did I scare you??
Before I could reply, the sumptuous breakfast had it?s effect?DUKAAR.
Aditya frowned in bewilderment, and then began looking in the dictionary. After about twenty minutes?
?What does DUKAAR mean??
The Review Now
I think I?ve exacted enough revenge for having mentioned my name in your review, Aditya? I think it?s time for serious reviewing? Hey, no hard feelings, right? To my reader who has no idea about what is going on?Aditya has left at least a dozen comments complaining against words that are beyond his vocabulary in my reviews. I ask him so many times for an instance of such a word, he always gives me a diplomatic?I always have a dictionary with me?as a reply. I must assure you Aditya, either you have a smallish vocabulary, or I have horrible spelling.
And the latter could be likely.
Now to explaining the DUKAAR part?
The Experience of Appy
Appy is apple nectar pulped and packed into a paper container for you to drink. The first time I had really come across this drink was a little longer ago, when a host at a party was pouring deep yellow colored liquid that, in my imagination, had uncanny resemblance to a certain fluid I?d rather not want to consume, into a glass for me. Assured that it was but apple extract non-fermented for any neurological effect on me, I remember I had somewhat enjoyed it.
As Appy touches your liquid, the sensation is utter confusion. It has a spontaneous, tangy, almost sharp taste that spreads rapidly all over the mouth, imparting a very mischievous scent and taste throughout. It is confusion because one is used to this sensation only when soft bites of apple crush under the teeth, and the accompanying chomp-chomp of the teeth. But this time, it?s the soft and almost inaudible sound of juice flowing from end-to-end, spreading a stronger and albeit sharper taste of apple wherever it touches.
You must drink it chilled?the feeling is exotic. As ice-cold Appy swirls inside the mouth, the strong taste coupled with the coldness give you a reason to take in only small sips at a time. Now you have tasted it well enough in your mouth? Now it?s time to swallow. As you gulp down the small sip down, the juice reaches out and sweeps the entire throat with its taste and sensation?it leaves a taste right till the opening of the stomach.
I asked you to have chilled Appy?for when you swallow chilled Appy, it will spread the coldness and the cool, chilling sensation from the tip of the tongue to the bottom of the stomach, like cold water should flow down a patch of parched earth? You can feel the sensation slowly spread, caress and consume your body, till at the end of your second sip, your entire body is tasting the liquid.
And all this is free of real intoxication (I believe something like this happens when you drink? It would be reasonable to assume I know nothing about it!).
Aren?t you thinking about?
DUKAAAR?
==THUS WE CONCLUDE THE SEQUEL OF
=THE DUKAAR MONOLOGUES=
PS: Have you ever wondered where I got the idea of this title from? It won?t mind slipping in a confession?it?s adapted from The Vagina Monologues? Interesting, no?
NO!
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