(Continued from part 3)
A bit OCDish. Aren’t you?
She smiled at him. Not “a bit”. She was overpowered by it. She had been under the shadow of Obsessive Compulsive disorder for a long time. She feared her thoughts that ran through her destroying her mental peace and her inner harmony so much that she wept behind closed doors and sometimes wished for death to take her out of the agony that she lived every moment in. She had told him that too. But wished she hadn’t because he was a pusher and he pushed her to overcome her fears, to overcome her compulsions. She thought about how he would sit listening to her strange confessions all day without complaints or faces that struck her down. She once asked him whether he ever got tired.
“No, you need someone. If this tires me, what would it be doing to you?” He held her as he told her to let life enter her. His spirit flowed into hers when his eyes locked with hers. “There are no thoughts that are right or wrong in this world. Actions – well yes. But thoughts can’t be judged, you just have to let it go. When you hold it back, when you suppress it, you are just giving it the power to come back - stronger than ever”
And she did just that. She let the thoughts of torture flow through her. She cried some more. She hated her and cursed her in the beginning. She complained to God and wailed for some miracle in her life. And then after a while it was gone. She didn’t know when. Once she was his, it wasn’t there. It was just the unexplainable ecstasy that had filled her heart.
And years passed;
She was different now. The cocoon of fear has fallen off. She has learnt to be herself. And as he had said her words never deserted her. It had stayed loyal to her. And that day she was there in that big bright hall to make her dream come true. Her first book to the world.
She watched the people who had come for the launch and her eyes stopped at the handsome man in his late thirties who sat at the front row. He was smiling, a confident smile that seemed to flow into her as well– an unexplainable power that raised her above her fears. A beautiful woman clad in gorgeous chiffon sat next to him with a brilliant gold chain around her neck – the talisman of their relationship.
Yes, he married several years back. Some people might consider that betrayal. But that is so not true.It would have been betrayal if they had decided to live together. They were with each other for all the wrong reasons. She loved him for his charm, his support, his oak brown eyes and his art. He loved her for her quirkiness, sarcasm, way with words and her beauty. But he had found someone who was worth his life to him and he had told her that. She could feel her heart crush inside but she had let him go for when someone falls in love, there is no holding them back. And she knew that a little too well.
But he did not walk out of her life. He just didn’t return to that one part but he was everywhere else and he continued to be the source of power for her, continued to be the inspiration for her.
She smiled brightly at everyone, talked her heart out, thanked them and trotted back to her little angel who was waiting by the stage. She kissed her at the temple and gazed into the brown eyes that looked at her mother with undisguised pride. She held her daughter close and in that moment everything melted into eternity – for love comes true in a different way to everyone and for her it had come as a lovely angel that kept her smiling – just like her father had.
