Sitting in front of the mirror in my dressing table,sometimes I fail to recognize myself. The face gazing at me seems so unfamiliar. I place my fingers on each curve and contour of my face and wonder,why do I see a stranger? The same face I am looking at over the years,but still........something,quite unknown is hidden in those lines. Those factors which enable me to realize sometimes,I am not exactly the same as before. A fake mask has taken the place of the real soul. Whether I want it or not,but I have to carry the mask throughout my life. Not only me,many others also do the same,unfortunately.
An example,when I have to be present in a social gathering which I really don't want to visit, I have to wear a mask of politeness. I don't want to do this,but I have to hide that sullen face under this mask. I try to pretend that I am enjoying it tremendously. But at my heart I know how much I am loathing each and everything of that party. When I feel like slamming the door on the face of someone,I have to greet him/her with a pleasant smile. When I feel like commenting on how bad someone is looking,I have to praise her ill-fitting dress or oddly flashing accessories. Kids making loud noises at some corner,I feel like slapping each and everyone of them,but I have to make an affectionate face and exclaim: "Oh,how fast dear Monty is growing up!" or, "Isn't it baby Susane who likes to drop ice-cream whenever she eats one?!!" Ohh god,give me a break! I feel like running out,closing the door of my bedroom and peacefully reading a book. But.......I just can't do so. I don't want to be portrayed as an arrogant,shaky, unsocial figure. So I have to put the mask back and go around loitering. I get rid of it once the whole thing is over. But after that also I can't remove the mask. I have to discuss about the success of this party to my near and dear ones,to avoid their disappointment. Where,where is the relief? Sorry dear,you don't have one! When you have to be in the society,go accordingly. If you prefer isolation,leave it and go away! That's the solution.
The real me,have to be placed on the back burner always,otherwise your real self,your vulnerability will be exposed to others. That's costly. No one can afford that. That means being available for unwanted advantages. That doesn't harm only financially,but sometimes it harms the soul. When you are left alone,bleeding dry inside.......you can get sympathies but not the relief. You will be termed as fool if you pour your heart out to this cruel world,which really doesn't deserve it. It's you who will be wounded, harassed and the last chance to protect your ego will be gone. Gone beyond hope. The empty shell will live,not the proper you. To protect one's self one needs to wear the mask. It's just a protection from outer world,but it never portrays the real person.
So next time,when I don't recognize myself in the mirror,I will close my eyes and search myself inside. The mirror doesn't tell the truth always. It never shows the exact reflection. It's only superficial. Realistic views are more appropriate,I think. We all have to search our souls within us. Experience makes one tough and adaptable to situations. It robs away the innocence sometimes,but not always. Wearing the mask of toughness is essential to protect one's innocence in specific situations. Even to be represented as a social figure one has to adopt the mask. But always we have to remember which one is original and which one is not. In this way we can preserve our original self. That's the thing somebody can deserve the most in his/her life.
