Dear Saar,
I am Gupta and I live with my wife and son in Kolkata - the'City of Joy'. But what to say Saar, I have no Joy. Let me explain with examples Saar, how your new policies have affected our family:-
Ban on Non-veg in IIT
Son - Papa suna hai IIT me non-veg ban ho gaya.
Me - Sahi suna hai beta.
Son - Papa main soch raha hoon kyon na IIT ke bajaye MIT ki taayari karoon.
Me - Beta tere baap ke paas IIT bhejne ke paise nahin hain, MIT kahan se bhejega?
Son - Nahin papa, aap galat samajh rahe ho. MIT bole to Mamta Institute of Technology. Woh jo apne gali ke nukkad par khula hai do-chaar mahine pehle. Aapka paisa bach jaayega aur.
Me - Aur?
Son(in a low tone) - aur mujhe non-veg bhi mil jaayega.:-P
Cigarette
Son - Papa, ab aap kya karoge? 10 rupye ki cigarette ho gayi ab to.
Wife(adding) - Ae ji, sun lo, aaj se tumhara cigarette bilkul band. Yahan, khaane ke paise poore nahin padte aur laatsahed din ke sau rupye ka sirf cigarette phoonk jaate hain.
Me - Arey Bhaagwaan, isme main kya karoon, yeh to Modiji ki chaal hai.
Wife - aakhiri baar kahe deti hoon, cigarette chhodh do nahin to mujhe maayke chhodh do.!
Ban on Maggi
Me(to Wife) - kyon bhaagwaan, ab kya karogi? Pehle hi kaha tha, Maggi ke bharose na raho aur kuch healthy banana seekho.
Wife(inconsolably) - Beda garak ho Modiji ka, pehle paanch minute main Maggi bana deti thi ab kuch aur banane me aadha ghanta lagega. Dugni khatni, so alag! Ab kya Lalle ka tiffin unki amma aake banayengi?
Me(biting my tongue) - Kaho to maayke chhodh doon?
Ban on Porn
I come back from a hectic day at office and wife greets me at the door smilingly.
Me(surprised) - Kya hua badi khush nazar aa rahi ho aaj?
Wife - Kyon kya main khush nahin ho sakti?
Me(suspiciously) - Nahin bhaagwaan, ho kyon nahin sakti. Lekin jab-jab tum khush hoti ho, kuch kharche paani ka aabhas hota hai.
Wife - Kya anaap sanaap bolte rehte ho, main to isliye khush hoon kyonki Modiji ne porn sites par ban laga diya hai.
Me - Kya? khud to kuch karte nahin, doosron ki khud-khushi bhi unse dekhi nahin jaati? Wife - Chup raho, kya main nahin jaanti, tum Sharmaji ke saath chup-chup ke us chudail Shanti ki videos dekhte ho.
Me - Arey bhaagwaan main kahan dekhta doon, woh to Sharmaji ke ghar me itni ashaanti hai ki kabhi kabhi unhe bhi Shanti ke dynamites ki zaroorat aan padti hai.:-P
Onions Rs.80 a kilo
Wife - Aji sunte ho, pyaaz phir assi rupya kilo ho gyaa.
Me - Astaghfirullah, kya dushmani hai iss sarkaar ki pyaaz se? Arey iss dafa to Pokhran me test bhi nahin hua?
Wife - Tumhe to kuch khabar hi nahin rehti. Pata nahin kis duniya me rehte ho. Aaaj whatsapp pe message aaya tha ki iss baar nuclear test Pokhran me nahin, Nepal me hua tha. Aur jab hamare vaigyanikon ke control ke bahar chala gaya to sarkaar ne use bhukamp ka naam de diya aur saar pyaaz Nepal bhej diya!
Me - Bhaagwaan, isme main kya kar sakta hun. Sukh ke din beete re bhaiya, ab acche din aayo re.No saag-sabzi, sirf noon-aachaar, abki baar Modi sarkar:-P
There are so many other things but rest I will reserve for Mamtadi. But Saar, your'bans' have caught us completely unaware and unprepared. I have a small house(only 1250 sq feet) with no storeroom. Half of the house is filled with onions/potatoes, Maggi, cigarettes and liquor. I have a small refrigerator(only 430 litre) which is filled with a few months ration of nonveg/beef. My desktop has only 5 TB of memory and I have very few porn clips which will lose their repeat value within a few weeks. Saar, how am I supposed to store my lifetime's ration of non-veg, Cigarettes, Maggi, Onion, beef, porn and other things that are soon going to be banned?
Please Saar, reply soon.
Yours painfully
Gupta(Mukandi Lal)
