One fine day, I will disdainfully kick my blue office chair with my cherry-black shoes with raw beastly force, enough for it to roll on through the thin long aisle and stop in my boss’s cubicle gently kissing his chair, for him to turn around and ogle in a daze. I would then rise slowly above my cubicle partition, amidst the pin drop silence and hanging jaws. With a Schwarzeneggerusque composed, mean, don’t-mess-with-me expression, I shall roll up my sleeves and look around as a few spectacles start to crack and crumble in disbelief. I would walk down to the other corner and rescue my dream girl who is swooning by now, grab her hand, announce a time off to my trembling boss and walk out of the front gate with the guard frozen in the most duteous salute.
From that day onwards, I will only have head-turning, big-bang entries. Doors will fling open and office stationary will be dismantled and float in thin air and it won’t be before everyone I have passed across has been left gasping and I have settled down in my chair, would the office floor stop trembling. I, you a^^holes, would have arrived! Just you wait!
By now, you should know who I am. Or maybe not. Maybe you haven’t even noticed even though I sit bang in the middle of the floor and I am always sitting there; even before you come in and even after you walk out. I complete my work before they put my name against it. I have arrived and already checked my mails before the clock strikes eight. Eight for me is start of work. Eight for others is the time they drag themselves to the shower! They have stopped putting people in the team I am supposed to work in. I am the team! I am the whole bloody team; a one man army!
Everyone is really friendly with me, you know. My shirt has faded at the shoulders by the sheer amount of pats I get on my back. That’s the way they all are with me. A pat, a ceremonial ‘How are you matey?’, a quick question like ‘would you know how this fuc*ing thing works’ and next thing I know is I am writing a step by step cookbook for them after that blank expression I get to see on their face when I have told them ‘that’s is the way this thing works’. And before I have pronounced abracadabra they are on their way shaking their head in disbelief. This carries on throughout the week and it took me a while to figure out why suddenly everyone seems too busy on a Friday afternoon that they don’t have any questions for me that day. It was the day when it hit me - ‘I am a bloody geek’!!
And you Mr. Stud, sitting next to me; I hate your guts Mr. Stud. I mean all you do is talk. I bet you took a training course to learn how to move a mouse and all the work you ever do is at the gym. But then, you are surrounded by all the prettiest girls, leaning over, drooling and laughing at your stupidest of jokes.
I sit there at my desk burgeoning with the thickest of manuals and left over coffee cups trying to look engrossed as they come and stand there at your desk like fifty times in a day smelling like fairies. Can’t you just sit somewhere, madams? I mean you stand with your distracting backside towards me which is way too mmmmmm and I am supposed to behave like you don’t exist which is kinda hard!
I wonder if they really think I am short at listening or my glasses are too thick for me to notice. I hear you bit^^es (I won’t call you that if you gather around my cubicle instead), loud and clear. Your chuckles are a signal for me to feel my bum for a strategically placed chewing gum which is now decidedly stuck there, or a ‘I am a Geek’ placard stuck on my back. How could I even blame you for those degrading chuckles when even the boss has a hard time keeping himself from falling off the chair laughing!?
Sigh! I know nothing I will ever do will work. I mean, it will work for my bosses, work for my goddamn company but it will never work for me. Neither the weekend slog, nor the three in a row night outs or an IQ of 180. At the end of the day, I am a piece of precious office furniture which is supposed to be painfully undemanding. It’s just hopeless!
But I have had enough, more than enough! I know its time to throw those glasses out of the window, loosen up my collar button and roll up my sleeves. I refuse to be a part of a doomed species heading for extinction. One day, soon, I would have abandoned my loyalty to the geek kingdom. One day I would have crossed over, from a timid, workaholic, inconspicuous geek to a smooth-talking, go-getter office eye-candy. Just you wait!
Disclaimer : The usual coincidental resemblance to living or dead disclaimer. Yawn! (And yeah, I am not a geek :P)
