Today when I got up from the bed,I didn't feel like opening my eyes. I curled around the pillow ,eyes closed,waiting for some miracle to happen. It felt like when I open my eyes I should find myself on my familiar bed. Slowly I opened my eyes and heaved a sigh. It felt wonderful. Still I am in my room. Well,it was just a rehearsal for tomorrow. Tomorrow, again I am going to leave this room for another....god knows how long! I don't know when I will be able to surrender in the comfort of this cozy bed again.... The idea is just horrible,I don't want to think about it now. Let me enjoy the last few hours left in my parental house,where I have spent the most beautiful phase of my life.
When I went downstairs, I had tea with my family members for the last time in this visit. Tomorrow I may miss the chance. Faces around my seemed to be grim. They were pretending as nothing's unusual. But I could feel the difference. They were trying to hold this moment,the time that was slipping from their trembling hands. They will cherish the memory of being together till I come back again. My sister,who wanted to stay at home, had to leave for her school reluctantly. She had some project submission today. The unspeakable silence from her end told so many things. "Didi,I miss you............why can't we stay together? With whom I will discuss everything,when I need you badly?" But she left in silence. She can understand that now it's impossible to make me stay here..........Oh,duty and responsibility are two damn cruel words!
Mom wanted to be with me. But she also had her responsibilities in her office. When I helped her to get prepared and pack her lunch,she kept staring at me for a long time. I wanted to avoid that gaze. I could not stand that anymore. For last few weeks it became my job for packing their lunch boxes when everybody in my family goes out to work. They are going to miss it from tomorrow,it was clear from their expressions. My aunts left in silence,too. When I was watching them to leave,suddenly I felt a lump in my throat. Oh,how horribly I am going to miss this familiar scene,which I have watched throughout my life! Aunty stopped at the corner of the road,turned and looked at me. She stood there for a while,then she was gone........for the last time she wanted to see me.I could not stand there anymore.
Granny was not feeling well from last one week. Today,I found small saplings placed in a plastic cover near my trolley bag. She collected all these for me getting up early in the morning. She wanted me to take those with my luggage,as she knew that I love flowering plants. When I bent down and touched those I could not stop the tears. Her unspoken love and blessings were there in every leaf in those tiny saplings.When I removed my trolley,I found few fried pumpkin seeds wrapped in newspaper. Who kept this here? Our maid answered that. She knew I loved eating that when I was a child. So she collected a pumpkin and removed the seeds for me. She told,"After going to your place,eat these whenever you miss your home. But don't forget to remember me when you eat." What shall I say? I didn't have words for this kind of unconditional love.I am so lucky to get these people with me,who love me so dearly. I only know how I am going to miss them.
All are left for their work. Now I am alone in this house. But it seems the house itself is a great company. Or,may be it is the feeling of security being here? Or,the presence of my near and dear ones? I am not sure. Mom and aunts are calling me in every half an hour to know whether I have taken my food or what I am doing. I feel so comfortable. But the sense of loss is gripping me. Soon I will be out of this comforting embrace of care and affection. I have to take care of my "own" family where I will find no time for myself. Well,again that responsibility stuff! But I have a question here. Does the responsibility after marriage mean only taking care of hubby and in-laws and staying away from parents and loving ones? Which one is the real family of a girl? The parental one? Or,the one after marriage? For me,both are important. No one more,no one less.
Tomorrow I will be with my hubby. I am going to see him almost after a month. Some happiness is there at the remote corner of my heart. But the sadness of leaving mom and others in my family is overpowering the fact. I have realized a truth by now. Both of these families love me,and want to be with me. I have to be with them,but not with both of them at the same time. Being with one means missing the other,that's the fact. This is the only comfort that I will be with my mom very soon again. We are parting on a happy note,waiting for the next visit. My heart lies there where my family is.
