It was a general question I read in a book, are we closer to God? Question put me to thinking if I am really closer to myself. When was the last time when I am really honest with myself, taking decisions guided by my conscience, or I am just following others, following directions, manuals or bosses instruction. While I am writing this blog, my mobile phone is constantly ringing, ringing endlessly, and ringing mobile sometimes makes me irritated, frustrated and sometime I want to throw it away, break it into pieces. Where the peace is?
Long back I was in Benares, spending time on the Ghats looking for spiritual experiences, inner peace, but I could not settled up my mind, it made me even more restless as something is running behind me like sirens, voices never stopped chasing me.
Later on I visited Sarnath, watched Buddha’s statue in enlightenment. Enlightenment is a lovely word, the lights enlighten your soul, it makes you fresh, it makes you washed, and you seem to be constantly in touch with you.
While writing this I am wondering whether whatever I am writing does make a sense, has it a genuine meaning. joh samajh na aye use bhagwan kah do. I look back to my life, was it a successful till now, may be , may be not, different definitions, different ideologies, vantage points, but to me, very frankly it is mediocrity, never take risk, always looks for others to advice, always believing that other person is correct, always behaving as others want, trying to adopt multiple roles, making fake smiles, laugh when really I want to cry.
