Tunes To Die For. Review on Twenty Best English Songs

After listening to music for some sixty years, to pick out my all time best twenty songs is a Herculean task and tomorrow my selection would probably be different. So I am approaching this task from a slightly different angle.

In the film Soylent Green starring Edward G Robinson and Charlton Heston as father and son, the older people had the option of seeking voluntary euthanasia at a time of their choosing and as they lay in the special chamber a wall displayed scenes of their choice whilst music that they asked for played until they gently passed away.

Under such circumstances I would like to hear records that meant something to me in my lifetime just one more time. Unfortunately the list has to be limited to just twenty.

1. As a five years old refugee I lived in Blackpool during the Second World War I would spend my school holidays in Poulton-le-fylde as a guest of Mrs Dalton, one of the many English people who opened up their homes to the less fortunate of the time. On wet days I was allowed into her cherished front room to play records on the family gramophone. On this wind-up gramophone I played the long gone 10 inch shellac records(and even some single sided records) to while away the hours. My favourite then which even today after nearly sixty years still has me chuckling away was The Laughing Policeman by Charles Penrose.

   
   




2. During my school years I was an avid fan of Dick Barton Special Agent, a serial on the Light Programme on BBC radio at 6.45pm each weekday evening and each episode was introduced with a stirring piece of music – The Devil’s Gallop played by the Charles Williams Concert Orchestra.

   
   




3. George Formby accompanying himself on the ukulele whilst singing The Window Cleaner was, in its day, rather racy and suggestive.

   
   




4. Then in the early fifties came traditional jazz in the shape of the Dutch Swing College Band’s incredible version of When The Saints Go Marching In.

   
   




5. Rock Around The Clock by Bill Haley And The Comets could easily have turned me into a Teddy Boy but a naval career interfered with that notion.

   
   




6. Connie Francis singing Winter Wonderland is a record that I always play at Xmas and reminds me of the Xmas dances that I attended as a youngster.

   
   




7. Brenda Lee singing Let’s Jump The Broomstick almost took my affections from Connie Francis but I found room for them both in my boyish heart.

   
   




8. The Glen Miller Band played a big part in my early life and Moonlight Serenade was one of the smoochy records that we ended the night’s dancing with.

   
   




9. In complete contrast The Benny Goodman Orchestra gave real meaning to “swing music” and my absolute all time favourite was the Sing, Sing, Sing recorded live at the Carnegie Hall on Sunday 16th January 1938. The metronomic drum rhythm from Gene Krupa for just over 12 minutes has to be heard to be believed.

   
   




10. Traditional jazz still played a big part in my listening habits with a particular liking for the Chris Barber Jazz Band and when Ottillie Patterson, a diminutive Irish ex-schoolteacher sang Beale Street Blues the rapturous applause forced her to do an encore.

    
    




11. Although both Cliff Richard and Elvis Presley were prominent in my listening there is only one record that I would like to hear again. Elvis Presley singing, Are You Lonesome Tonight? Not the regular recording that hit the charts but a recording at a concert somewhere where he changed some of the words to make one of the funniest records ever made and for me turned him into a human being.

    
    

Do the chairs in your parlour seem empty and bare,

Do you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair.

As I listen to it now, tears of laughter are streaming down my face and it is almost impossible to type.

1. Humour has never been far away in my musical tastes with Victor Borge and Johnny Standley at the front but the funniest of all is Murphy’ Bricks performed by Noel Murphy.

I remember hearing this piece as a monologue by W.C Fields something like fifty years ago and after all these years it is just as funny. I’ve no idea who wrote the words and I only hope that no one objects to me reproducing them here as surely they are a tribute to the writer’s brilliance.

Dear Sir I write this note to you to tell you of my plight

For at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight

Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey

And I write this note to say why Murphy's not at work today.

While working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear

But to toss them down from such a height was not a good idea

The foreman wasn't very pleased he is an awkward sod

He said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.

Now shifting all those bricks by hand it was so very slow

So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below

But in my haste to do the job I was too blind to see

That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.

And so when I untied the rope the barrel fell like lead

And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead

I shot up like a rocket ‘til'til my dismay I found

That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Now the barrel broke my shoulder as to the ground it sped

And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head

I clung on tightly numb with shock from this almighty blow

And the barrel spilt out half the bricks from fourteen floors below.

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor

I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more

Still clinging tightly to the rope me body racked with pain

And half way down I met the bloody barrel once again.

Now the force of this collision half way down the office block

Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock

Still clinging tightly to the rope I fell towards the ground

And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel had scattered round.

I lay there groaning on the ground I thought I'd passed the worst

For the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst

A shower of bricks rained down on me I didn't have a hope

As I lay there bleeding on the ground I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel then being heavier it started down once more

And it landed right across me as I lay there on the floor

It broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say

I hope you'll understand why Murphy's not at work today.

1. Stirring marches have always fired my blood and Imperial Echoes by the Band Of The Royal Air Force is not only a march but also a military two-step in olde tyme dancing which on one riotous occasion our class tried to re-create on the parade ground much to the chagrin of our instructor.

   
   




2. Jean Sheppard – Dear John is a rather sad song where the girl at home tells her soldier boy friend that they are through.

   
   




3. Bonnie Lou – Just Out Of Reach, which I still have as a 78 rpm record.

   
   




4. Patsy Cline – Crazy. A classic that lives on.

   
   




5. Patsy Cline singing I Fall To Pieces, showed the full range of her wonderful voice and like Crazy will always be associated with her.

   
   




6. Two Voices, Two Shadows, Two Faces by Jean Sheppard epitomises the Country and Western songs.

   
   




7. Although country music is best played by American artists, one English girl took my affections with Cowboy Lovin’ Night. Patsy Rigger hailed from the Devon/Cornwall area and as far as I know only had that one record as a hit.

   
   




8. Classical music was never far away in my musical taste and I would like to hear them all but I have to make a choice so it has to be The Prelude To Act 1 - La Traviata so that I could slip away as the last notes are played.