Sheer Torture. Review on The Guru Movie

There's been a spate of movies recently released with NRI's acting in English movies with an Indian background like 'Bend It Like Beckham', 'American Desi', etc. some of them have been good movies the others not so good, but there's not been one movie which sucked quite as much as this movie does. I'm quite with this thing about Indian males being sex maniacs, please Indian males enjoy sex as much as all other men around the world, but I dont see other immigrants being made such crude fun of, its now become almost the trend to have an Indian in the story and to make him the sex starved pervert, be it a Hollywood movie with Americans starring or NRI's starring.

The Story

There's this Indian boy who teaches dancing in Delhi whose dream is to act in Hollywood, so in pursuit of his goals he goes to America where he's supposed to meet his friend whose become a very big shot (turns out the friend was lying and drives a cab, but sometimes he's driving cabs the others he's a waiter, could'nt quite figure that out till the end). So Ramu our hero is disillusioned and takes up waitering as well but loses his job cos he put 'Chicken Tikka Masala' on an American's head (already my heads reeling), so Ramu decides to go job hunting and ends up in a porn studio where he gets a job as a porn star.

Now comes the twist, it seems porn starhood was not what young Ramu wanted. Oh No!!! he's got his eyes set a lil higher, but in the mean while he's got a crush on his co porn star (heather graham), whos got this whole other life going, where her boy friend believes she's a school teacher (gimme a break). So anyway his friend the waiter/driver is working at this party where Marissa Tomei (she's supposed to be reallllyyyy rich) is celebrating her birthday, shes a big religious freak and believes in all this 'Guru' mumbo jumbo, the actual 'Guru' invited gets drunk and becomes unconcious and to make a long story shot, our young Ramu plays out the night as the 'Guru' (im sure ur as sick by now as I was while watching it). Marissa Tomei hooks up with young Ramu and decides that people need to hear the message that Ramu has (also all the spriritual crap that Ramu spouts comes from the mouth of heather graham, which is for some reason her method of working as a porn heroine, quite painful).

This movie drags on for way too long, and before ending even has a dance sequence with heather and Ramu(whose real name I do not know and dont want to know). Theres a Dil Chahta Hain kind of end with Ramu breaking up heathers wedding, oh and theres a twist to the wedding as well, seems her fiance is gay and is in love with his co-worker (jeez how much more corny can you get). And of course Ramu quits his job as spiritual and sexual 'Guru' (did'nt know you could do that!!), that to on a national talk show (ahhhhhhhh!!!!), and actually names Marissa Tomei as the real 'Guru'. At the end I was left wondering how two such good actresses such as Marissa Tomei and Heather Graham actually agreed to do this Movie (though I donno if it qualifies as a movie, more like a two hour spanish inquisition).

'The Conclusion'

What can I say but that this was a once in a lifetime experience that I shall surely put along side my other once in a lifetime movie to never watch 'Yaadein'. 'Yaadein' is my movie rater for really bad movies, and I think 'Guru' ranks along side 'Yaadein' quite well. So my advice to all you MS'ers, if you liked Yaadein then this is the movie for you, if not then I cant think of a movie you would not wanna watch. So if you dont have anything to do this weekend try bungee jumping, or rock climbing, they are less painful activities to indulge in.