The WHO?!!. Review on The Guru Movie

Ramu?! That itself is an insight into how irritatingly condescendingly pathetic this film is.

Don't watch it I say, don't watch it. unless you enjoy cringing into your seat and wishing you weren't sitting next to anything remotely human. Never have I studied my popcorn so intently(and yes, I do still take popcorn into a movie).

I suppose the temptation of glimpsing Heather Graham as a porn star makes this movie somewhat of a must-see but if you're stooping to such low levels you might aswell see Boogie Nights instead....you get Heather Graham better packaged and are not subjected to irritating foreign accents trying to be indian. Headache inducing to say the least...

Totally unconvincing...i can't for the life of me understand why, when there is an overflowing country of indian accented people, some director goes and digs out all the NRI lowlifes of hollywood and asks them to project their single brain celled, unimaginative, blind little perceptions of what an indian accent actually is. They just end up sounding like a horrifying by-product of Ali G.Minus the coolness of being in a Madonna video.

What further baffles me is how the director actually managed to assemble quite a colourful main cast of fairly good actors and then extract the worst performances from them ever. Marisa Tomei should now throw away her Oscar and become a hermit.preferably in alaska. and Heather Graham should now wear her g-string on her head instead of elsewhere except it doesn't cover enough of her face to save her from the embarrassment of being in such a dumbass film. Jimi Mistry ( 'Ramu'.... heaven help me, I had to type it again) ofcourse is the biggest disappointment after a past of some not so publicised but good performances especially in East is East. See what Hollywood can do to a person? seee???

The film doesn't entirely suck though. there are some feisty little dance numbers that are not-so-bad ( and no I don't mean the goose-bump-inducing embarrassing rendition of Macarena which has jimi mistry prancing around marisa tomei's house dressed as a Swami.....would it make you feel more nauseous if I mention he's called Swami Bu? Sounds like a Johnsons baby shampoo ad).

Heather Graham actually does look good in indian clothes and manages to wriggle around quite eye catchingly and even gracefully.sometimes.

There are a few porn film puns here and there which might instigate a snigger or 2 aswell. and yes I knoooow, I shouldn't take the film so seriously and yes I knoooow it makes fun of americans as much as indians( although, ahem,that's not too hard..) and it spoofs more than it depicts but frankly, i'd rather take apart a film that's rubbish then look for reasons to justify its existence.

and someone please tell me whhhyyyy it's still running in the cinemas?? I missed Red Dragon, and it's now out of the cinemas but this bunch of toad-pee is still attracting an audience....?! someone tell me what THAT is about...