Apr 14, 2004 11:10 PM
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(Updated Apr 15, 2004 10:25 AM)
It’s a New Year Day in many parts of India today. And on this auspicious event, famous astrologer Rejan Jaruwala (RJ) who writes the astro-columns for ‘Limes of India’ regularly is making some predictions for all the sun signs as to what is in store for them in the year to come. However, Rejanji is unique in her way of prophesying since she quotes famous Bollywood scenes/ picks for her forecasts, all thanks to her diehard fan ship to Hindi movies. And of course, there is always the Janesha, a regular Jaruwala deity, featuring in all her foretelling.
Aries – You will continue to be as confused as ever. Since Neptune crosses the path of Saturn this year, it has the same chaotic effect in your life as Pankaj Kapur & gang chasing Naseeruddin Shah & Ravi Baswani on the sets of Mahabharata in Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron. Life to you will seem as perplexing as the Draupati Vastraharan scene where Emperor Akbar, King Ashoka, Maharana Pratap make special appearances. All through the year you will be befuddled like a sunglass donning Duryodhan played by Om Puri.
Janesha solution is that you adapt the same detachment of dead bodied Satish Shah, playing Draupati, to scrape through this bad phase.
Taurus – With your haughtiness unchecked, you are more likely to make many more enemies to end up in situations similar to that of Amitabh Bachchan in Amar Akbar Anthony. Lest you control your imperious attitude, you will be soon tincturing your own wounds before a mirror, heavily drunk, drowned in self-pity and feeling an utter fool cursing yourself “Thopda dekh apna, pucca eediyatt eediyatt lagta hein.”
Janesha says ‘don’t worry, keep the Band-Aid ready’ and there will be a Man Mohan Desai in your life someday.
Gemini – Your major problem this year will be crunching finances, and you will be seen selling your great ideas to potential scapegoat of clients similar to Mehmood in Pyar Kiye Jaa. A wannabe movie director Mehmood may have convinced his dad Om Prakash narrating strange horror story of “Andheri raat mein, bhooki billi hass rahi ti.. myeow hahhhaa myeow hahahhha..” with other associated sound effects and funny facial expressions, but its very unlikely that your customers will buy such queer fictions.
Janesha feels its time you went for fairy tales, so try marketing stories of ‘Khooni Farishta’ next time.
Cancer – You may face similar dilemma as Amol Palekar in Gol Maal. You will land up in double trouble just like Amol when his suspicious boss Utpal Dutt visits unannounced to check on the credibility of twin sisters’ story of his mother. Unfortunately, Amol’s rented mother is partying somewhere. But as you watch in total awe, the fat lady Dina Pathak manages to wriggle herself back into the house through a small window in the rear and finally makes an appearance before Dutt. So shall you too squirm out of your difficulties easily.
All possible with the blessings of Janesha.. and his twin sister Manesha.
Leo – Beware of Challengers. This year several people will time and again test your leadership in a similar way like Amitabh Bachchan challenging statue of Lord Shivji in Deewar. You will need to face all the high-voltage melodrama, loud ringing bells, terrible lightning and whirlwinds amidst which will emerge a staggering bloody (literally) gawky contender who will scream at the top of his voice, posing questions after questions, daring you to prove your mettle.
But no reason for you to worry since Janesha will put a good word with Shivji as well.
Virgo – Since Rejanji herself comes under this sign, its quite obvious that people under this sign are all natural born winners. And this year too shall be no exception as you will clear hurdles after hurdles as Aamir Khan did in the final cycle race of Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander. Though it was a highly predictable climax, the whole event was so captivatingly presented and kept people on the edge of their seats, similarly will all your endeavours keep the rivals at bay. Come what may, keep rallying along like Aamir all through the race, fighting off contenders and eventually picking up pace in the end to be the grand winner.
Remember, Janesha is always with you pedalling alongside.
Libra – Your life this year will be a comic tragedy like Anand. Only solution is for you to keep smiling all through your difficulties, just like Rajesh Khanna with his terminal illness whose last moments in the end are very sad and tear jerking. Babu Moshai friends like Amitabh Bachchan, helpless and crying over while recorded words play in the background, won’t be able to do much either.
Believe in Janesha, the tragedy of Anand will surely be remade into ridiculous silly comedy Kal Ho Na Ho soon.
Scorpio – You will be noticed for your strength, wits and winning debates. You will put to shame the arguments of Sunny Deol in Damini, a half drunk advocate with 2.5kg biceps each screaming his lungs out and winning thumbs up all the way during court room drama.
Janesha has no say here since Sunny does all the talking all the time.
Sagittarius – This year you will face opposition from society, parents, peers and public for no particular reasons. Life will seem like Ek Duje ke Liye while Kamal Hassan and Rati Agnihotri are signaling each other by tap tapping on books, bench, beating the hell out of soiled clothes, reducing them to tatters and eventually breaking a wall clock. Similarly you should be pounding your enemies to powder.
Janesha always sides the ruling party.
Capricorn – Interference from others in all quarters of life will drive you crazy. You will feel exactly like Amol Palekar and Tina Munim in Baaton Baaton Mein who end up going on a movie date tagged along with their mothers in tow. And if interfering people in your life are as funny as Pearl Padamsee who can’t stop narrating the movie events to her would be in-law, you will soon be ditched by your spouse.
Janesha suggests you change your name as to begin with letter ‘K.’ Kakesh Koshan and Kekda Kapoor can vouch for the fact that indeed has a profound impact warding off such evil effects.
Rejanji's forecasts for Aquarius and Pisces continued in comments section.. sorry!
