Apr 18, 2005 04:18 PM
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(Updated Apr 18, 2005 04:18 PM)
A Book on marriage? And that too, by Shobha De? My curiosity got the better of my rationalizations and I decided to buy this book ( and read it, too !!) . I should say that I found the book interesting. I will not say it is a ? must read ? or a ?recommended? book. It is not a story or a ?How to?.? Book.
Rather, it is a collection of the authors opinion on elements that go into the making of a successful marriage. She substantiates some of them convincingly with examples from her personal life or from those of her friends.
Yet, it appealed to me, for the nice, easy and simple style of the author in getting across a strong message.
What impressed me about the book was the brutal honesty with which the author has approached the topics. She is openand sensible to admit that marriage is a mix of every emotion, ranging from melting romantic moments to the popular nagging to the run away from it all feeling.
Successful marriages, she feels, are built on commitment, companionship, compromise and communication ? not necessarily in that order. But, the foundation of a successful marriage is the deep need to be married, to desire to share your life with your partner, to willingly and lovingly make someone a part of your ups and downs and be the part to a similar need and desire from your spouse s point of view.
The author touches almost every major issue in marriage ? fights, in-laws, children, physical intimacy, money, household works? almost everything you would be involved with your spouse. She does give a few tips to handle them, but does not give a ?formula ? for successful marriage.
She places a lot of importance on communication and compromise ? expressing your opinion without feeling subdued and the willingness to meet your spouse half way through in areas of minor differences.
I thought I agreed with most of the views of the author. Marriage is a old fashioned institution. It works on old fashioned values like staying committed without straying, being sensitive to your partner s views and feelings, not putting your partner down, standing by your partner through the tough times, adjusting with your in-laws, putting the family ahead of everything else ( including career).
She feels that at least one person has to compromise on career if both the partners are working. This may evoke a lot of debate, but she does sound convincing when she says there is not a single case of a successful marriage where both partners became successful in their careers and still had a truly great family life.
The book is practical, yet humorous (marriage is always the easiest target for jokes!!). It is prose, yet artistic in content and style. It does give pointers of a strong marriage and also early warning signs in a relationship which may eventually lead to a break-up.
Having gone through a break up herself, the author agrees it leaves a bitter feeling no matter how ?friendly ? you could be after the break up. Every generation loves to criticize the next one and talk about the good old days.
Shobha De is well up to date in her thoughts, ideas (explained in a couple of chapters on long distance weddings) and yet, courageous enough to speak her mind ? especially attacking the lack of patience in today?s ?cool? generation. She also attacks the lack of commitment to the partner in today?s ?fast paced? world. The book closes powerfully with the lines - Who wants to be married? I do.
Personally, the book did set me thinking. Shobha s strong feelings and opinions are conspicuous as much as her love for her husband, which perhaps inspired this book. She admires her husband and has no qualms saying so.
Shobha is a confident woman, a successful writer who is economically independent, but has no false pride in admitting she needs marriage. The book is open enough to admit marriage as an imperfect institution, but has a powerful message that marriage caters to a basic human emotion of loving and being loved. It is a rare common thread across cultures.
The institution is being challenged like never before, but the greatness is evident from the fact that humanity is yet to come up with an alternate practice to cater to the basic human needs of companionship, commitment, and communication.
