KKKKonspiracy Theory . Review on Serials produced by Ekta Kapoor

A recent discussion at the Octagon, which for reasons unknown not just leaked but also found its way on to mouthshut has sparked this opinion. A friend of mine, an ex-mouthshut-er who does not write any more on the site, often used to warn me and explain threadbare the conspiracy theories that were hatched at the nerve centers of the Big Brother(BIG B) - the unquestioned protector of world’s democracy. I never for once agreed to what he said, I did not believe in conspiracy theories, at least not until now.

But after reading the essentials of the meeting(https://mouthshut.com/readreview/45313-1.html), I now feel my friend was always right and it was me who failed to see the obvious. Why else on earth would the BIG B try to ridicule something as Krogressive, Kroductive and Krofitable as Ekta Kapoor’s serials(‘K’ is obviously the best way to start something, at least when Kapoor Ekta(KE from now on) is involved, for those of you who do not believe in numerology, substitute ‘K’ with the adjacent alphabet ‘P’, what’s in an alphabet anyway?).

KE and her serials play a very big part in India’s development, as much(or as little, depending on which side of the fence you are) as the Five Year Plans do. To belittle it in a top secret meeting and over an above that, leak the minutes of the meeting(I suspect intentionally) is almost as much a direct attack on India as Kargil was( let me add that I have a serious doubt if one of India’s neighbor is also behind this malicious campaign). No self respecting Indian will take that lying down. So this is my attempt at educating all of you, who are not already, enlightened enough about what KE and her foray into the domain of the idiot box means to us Indians.

Let’s start with employment. KE serials win this part of my justification hands down. A good actor/ writer/ technician can find a job easily, but alas what about the mediocre and the not so talented ones? What about the* I-Cant-Act/Write/Do anything-For-Toffee* kind of people? KE serials offer them an opportunity of a lifetime, literally. “A lifetime” because *a KE serial is like Energizer batteries, once it starts it goes on and on and on and on…. *Some of the screen characters are so enigmatic that they re-appear precisely in the sixth episode after the episode in which they die. I almost wonder if any person playing a part in KE serials were to die in real life, KE might even resurrect the screen character using CGI, which again opens up opportunities for the now “not so hot” Indian IT industry and also animation companies like PentaMedia, which never even warmed up; forget being hot.

The commerce that’s generated through KE serials is another plus. All characters wear expensive silk apparels and loads of jewellery, even if they are just waking up from the bed or walking out of/ into the bath. Every character irrespective of the gender divide, smear themselves with cosmetics. Should add here that, this is one of KE’s successful double edged tactics, to take away the focus from the aforementioned acting skills of the actors and at the same time provide some business opportunities to the fashion industry. * Add to this the expensive/lavish sets that depict the average Indian household(after all most KE serials are *Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki), talk about the commerce in terms of indirect employment of masons, electricians, painters and many more skilled, not so skilled and unskilled laborers. Add to this the extremely high demand for construction materials, plaster of paris, paint, wood, paper and the likes; you haven’t even begun to fathom the impact of KE serials on the Indian Economy. Of course, the fact that each 30 minute episode is skillfully carved into three(precisely 3 minute 45 seconds) sections, the gaps being filled in by commercials, is a point that can be mentioned under both commerce and dissemination of information to the  not-so-informed viewer.

The uniqueness of KE serials lie in their magical quality. I do not know of any other art form or form of entertainment, where mediocrity(and several aspects that aren’t even able to attain that level) can be converted into long lasting commercial success. *The user friendliness of the serials lies in the fact that even if you have missed a dozen episodes at a stretch, due to pressing commitments, you haven’t missed much of the plot(how can you miss something that’s not there.

The tangible benefits aside there are many more that can be listed as intangible ones. Let me take this opportunity to introduce you to just five.

• Without KE serials there would never be special episodes of other television programs like *Kisme Kitna Hai Dum, Kaun Banega Crorepati, Khul Ja Sim Sim! *and many more that pit one KE family against the other.

  
  




• Without KE serials the word “peace” would never find a way to a married man’s household, the time between 7:00pm to 12:00 midnight is the only time when a man can listen to something else other than his wife’s ramblings provided that the TV is tuned to a channel that is showing a KE serial and also provided that the husband knows to slip away exactly at the time the infomercials are on.

  
  




• Without KE serials there wouldn’t be telephone conversations(even if there were they wouldn’t be a fraction of the length of what they are now) at least you wouldn’t have a starting point, * “Hey do you approve of what XYZ just did?” and “Do you think the two should get a divorce and get married to the one’s they are having their extra-marital relationships with” * are just two examples of not merely ice breakers in telephonic conversations but also excellent topics for debates at kitty parties.

  
  




• While on extra-marital affairs, not a single character in these serials are shown as faithful to their spouse, which when transposed with the real life couples, provides each person in a relationship feel secure about their respective partners. KE is role in helping real life couples deal with their trivial troubles is almost an unsung virtue.

  
  




• The increased sales of analgesics, increased business done by psychiatrists, marriage counselors and the increased sales of TVs with remote can all be traced back to the origin and growth of KE serials.

  
  

That’s just a brief list of presently available benefits, *I am reliably informed that KE serials are gearing up for a better tomorrow. Edited episodes of these serials will be used to test stress handling ability of prospective employees by recruiters. The option of sentencing those who are convicted under POTA, to a lifetime of viewing KE serials, is being reviewed by a team of judicial experts. Also the intelligence agencies are all set to procure the original(unedited) versions to use as a torture tool to extract valuable information from the captured terrorists in Kashmir(now you know why I suspect a neighbor’s hand in the Octagon meeting and the subsequent leak).

That friends, brings me close to my allowed 8k of word limit, I so rest my case not only expressing my disgust for organizations like Octagon for its mindless allegations against KE serials but also requesting all you members to use the comments space to chip in with benefits of KE serials.