Operation Enduring Idiocy. Review on Serials produced by Ekta Kapoor

There have been undeniable proofs of reckless violation of NPT (Non-Proliferation of Inanity & Decadence on TV) happening on Hindi TV Channels as unearthed by the candid investigations done by Central Ignorant Agency on RAW ( Really Adamant Women), as evidenced by rise in tear-levels of women-folk & meek submissiveness of Men-folk in the 'Battle for TV Remote' - Gabilla the Goon, in top-secret meeting of Octagon

Confidential Classified investigation report presented to the full Octagon council by Special Investigator of Central Ignorance Agency, code-named 'Wind-Talker'...

Miss-Chief Maker

The main perpetrator in this heedless proliferation of WMDs (Weapons of Mass Distress) has been found to be one Ms. Ekta Kapoor (refered to as Ms. K hereafter) the daughter of a really secretive man code-named 'Jumping Jack' & more secretive uncoded (code-classified) mother.

The frontal organization for all these nefarious activities is a harmlessly named organization - 'Balaji Telefilms' ( called BT hereafter) run by Ms. K & her mother, which makes tele-serials for all Hindi TV channels starting from A to Z.

Exhibit K

The hallmark of every BT serials is that they always start with letter K, which happens to be 11th alphabet of English language bearing an uncanny resemblance to 111 mark seen on the forehead of chief mascot of BT.

Besides being the first letter of the name of their clan ( Ekta Kapoor, Tusshar Kapoor etc.), our chief steganographers harbor a strong suspicion that 'K' derives its origin from Sanskrit word 'Kriya-Karam' (funeral rites) pointing to the dubious nature of BTs operations.

M.I.L - 1000

A species seen in all of BTs serials cloaked in designer sarees, often called M.A.A. by it's victims & the opponent species. Code-named 'Saas' to avoid detection these can be detected by their grey-haired, uxorious & helpless spouses standing next to them with the unmistakable Having-got-last-on-Mars expression on their faces!

Though traces of these WMDs have been detected in older Hindi movies in the form of Lalitha Pawar, Shashikala etc. The more lethal & highly developed version of MIL (Mother In Law) has been detected in every serial produced by BT.

This species has been found to cause substantial damage to aural nerves by high-pitched hollering. The consequent brain-damage caused by relentless bunkum of cultural & emotional manipulations can reduce the unsuspecting victims (TV viewers) into Kombies ( Zombies who watch K serials)

D.I.L. - X

Often seen to be in opposition to M.I.Ls but serving the same strategic purpose, DILs (daughter-in-laws) code-named 'Bahus' are also seen in chic sarees. Often engaging in counter-hollering & counter-manipulation against the MILs, these dangerous species can be distinguished from MILs by two salient differences.

A) The spouse of DILs code-named 'Beta' is often seen having extra-marital affairs & children from ex-flames, office assistants, DILs friends etc.

B) The DILs have a remarkable ability to produce unlimited quantity to glycerine from their eyes in no time!! These tears have been scientifically verified to cause domino-effect of making most of the RAWs (Really Adamant Women) shed real Tears often resulting in National-mourning ( Like one of our strategic experts noted - 'When Tulsi cries, India cries').

Elixir of Life

There is a very strong proof that Ms. K & co-conspirators BT have invented EOL breaking all agreed international TV conventions

A) There is a lady in serial code-named KKSBKBT 'Amba' who has been living since 4-5 generations!!

B) There is this chap code-named 'Mihir' who keeps springing back to life despite all efforts by our secret operatives to bump him off for good

Advanced Cloning & Plastic Surgery

It has often been found that people rumored dead, have re-surfaced often bearing a newer face, features & even body ( expert note -'Transmigration of the soul, breaking Genoa convention').

These illegal advanced surgical procedures have often been found to alter the age, skin complexion, height, weight etc. of the patient.

Illegal cloning has also been found to be used in certain serials to create exact evil duplicates of certain characters to add a twist to the story

Goons Strike back

Gabilla - In view of such audacious flouting of International TV conventions & TV viewer rights, I ask the Octagon council to fund the top-secret 'TV Wars' program to send more & more satellites into space... to beam more & more 'New World Entertainment' programs all over world ... to saturate the world with so much Inanity & decadence that any future violations of NPT would be unnecessary.

As a temporary measure we should increase the budgeting for top-secret Jollywood counter-operations like 'Kill Bill', 'Jason Vs. Freddy', 'Alien Vs. Predator' etc. Make no mistake about it... Miss K will be smoked out from all Idiot Boxes soon.