''If you don't believe that I love you honey, just ask my wife''
This is the note on which the book begins. Rest of the scales are not much different, only funnier.
So what do you do when the going gets tough? In case you happen to be a hero in one of Dan Jenkins' anti-hero novels, you simply look for the nearest exit sign board, take it off and use it to beat the sh*t out of trouble.
Dan (Jenkins) was an absolute nobody for me before I picked up this book. Had somebody asked me,
''hey grunge, whadya think of D Jenkins?'',
at best my reply would have been,
'' you mean that blind chap who wore dark shades and blew trumpet for a 60's Jazz band?''.
Not that I really know of anybody who fits this description. Or for that matter blew a trumpet for living.
I reckon it would be the same for most of you.
To cut a long story short here is how I came across the book, brought it, read it, and when the tears stopped flowing(try reading, drinking cola and laughing, all three at the same time) mused over it, then sat down to crap about it.
I had been scrounging through the legendry Moore's Market in Chennai(they even stock Dr. Zhivago(soundtrack) and Johann Strauss LPs) when my eyes fell on the look-at-me, screaming-for-attention cover of this book.(you'll know what I mean when you look at the cover). Flipped through it, read a few lines and knew I had hit pay dirt at first go itself. Trying to stay poker faced, I asked for the cost and braced myself for the slugging that I anticipated, was soon going to follow over the price of the book.
A friend of mine followed a certain modus operandi. No matter what price was quoted she used to go psuedo ballistic with a ,''WHAT!''. (Eyes poping and all, routine). Said it always worked for her.
Hoping to cash-in on the ploy myself I was busy concentrating on getting the timing right when the stall-keeper threw a re-bounder.
''How much is it worth to you?'',
he drawled, or something to that effect.
''I'll make you an offer you can't refuse'',
was what I wanted to drawl back in the trademark Marlon Brando-esque voice over, but settled for something less interesting.
How much we finally settled for is not relevant, but by jove, I could have bet my whole collection of prized Led-Zep CDs that the original price must be easily three-four times of the paid-up capital on the down-payment of my latest investme...sorry got carried away :~)
However the alacrity with which the stall-keeper agreed to my offer, as if washing his hands off the damn book made me feel as if I had brought a turkey instead of something to pass time with. Anyway, got back home, read the book and before that day could have never believed that any book can make you laugh so loud.
Author's Behaviour: [Dan Jenkins]
Haven't researched much on him but I think he is an ex sports-journo turned novelist. If you are looking for literary stuff and books which get more talked about than read, then I strictly recommend you maintain a double arm distance from this guy here. However, if you are ready to throw caution to the winds and want to ape a laughing jack-as* for a day (or no. of days it takes u to devour a book) I recommend this book strongly. I'll put him in the same bracket of comic quotient as Pelham G.W or Tom Sharpe, only difference being in the quality of writing & approach. Brit's put it in a more straight faced what-did-I-do manner, where as Dan being a true yank, can be trusted to come up with more of raunchy, loud and slap-stick kind of humor. Which is, by the way in no manner lacking or flat. Like most, I used to think that nothing can beat the good 'ol subtle approach towards humor but Dan not only defies that 'myth', he flips it in the air like an empty beer bottle and bang bangs it to smithers.
Behaviour In RUDE BEHAVIOUR:
Like I mentioned earlier, Dan used to cover sports before retiring to write bricks. So we don't have to depend on Merlin the magician to tell us that his novels are going to have shades of his old association. In Rude Behavior, NFL acts as a backdrop, however no prior knowledge of the game is required on the part of the reader. In fact, the whole gamut of players, trainers etc. only add up to provide more fodder for eccentricity.
The road map of the plot is something like this.
Billy Clyde is an ex star football player, winner of a Super-Bowl ring, who now wants to set up his own shop. NFL committee is planning an expansion and Billy will so much as part with half his anatomy without a blink for that nod of approval. In short do anything to achieve a team license. Also lady luck is on his side 'cuz his father-in-law is ready to bank roll the scheme and go the whole hog. Talk about breaking all stereo-types.
In-between, the writer introduces a whole bunch of weirdoes who never fail to leave you choking & gasping for breath. Whatever Dan may be trying to achieve, being politically correct is not one of them.
One scene goes something like this. Two business partners try to seduce each others wife. Soon they realize that when one was busy patting-chatting, the other was doing the same. They don't score but nevertheless the attempt itself makes each other furious. Predictably when they meet, a heated argument breaks out(I cannot replicate the dialogue here, would make even the most seasoned sailor turn red, but '' ...you know when two guys get into an argument and call each other everything but a white guy'', is how one of them recalls it later).
Eventually they whip out their guns, but luckily both are poor marksmen. Each fires four shots. The first one hit the side-walk, the sky, the fender and the other person's left sleeve. The second one was no better. He hit the road, the sky, a water hydrant and the other person's toe thumb.
Being true capitalists business takes precedence and everything is forgiven. They patch up but not before boasting and bragging about it to anyone who'll give them the time of day. The one whose shirt got damaged cannot tire of telling that he came out richer from the whole episode. Apparently his Tee was costlier than the other person's loafers so he got more damage claim. The one whose toe got damaged brags that it actually improved his golf swing!
Theoretically am done but practicals are still to go. As part of a cranky hypothetical experiment let us edit all the profanity and derogatory slangs used in this book.
I'll bet my Led-Zep CDs again that the book will still not fail to make your English teacher wince and squirm in her seat. All the more reason why you ought to beat Hell for Leather and go for this book.
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