Culinary Diets. Review on My Ten Least Favorite Foods

I thought that being ‘adventurous’ with food was limited to having rice with Dal and jam…perhaps having Icecream with pickle….but my hostel’s ‘mess’ proved me wrong!!!

Being in a supposedly ‘creative’ college where innovation is the call of the day, could the cooks be left behind?? They thought, they plotted, they tried to impress…..they got blank, stunned and tormented stares…..

Some of their most imaginative and artistic creations include:

Methi Matar Malai

As if Methi isn’t bad enough!! I really don’t mind having it with potatoes but whoever heard of the bitter Methi in an even more bitter gravy?? Put in a chunk of hard peas and thick Malai green errr…paste and you get this concoction which is sure to make your eyes flinch, forget your taste buds!!

Mooli ki Sabzi

The riots in Ahmedabad last year left us vegetableless. The mess people, so considerate and caring of our hearty appetites, were determined to make something out of nothing at all. The result – grated Mooli cooked with little bit of tomatoes and onions for flavour (huh??) Needless to say the flavour of the dry chapattis tasted better!!

Stuffed tomatoes

The law of vegetables says that anything and everything can be stuffed with anything and everything. The law of bargaining says that buying things in bulk get you a better price for the goods. Why waste tomatoes in tadka – let’s think imaginatively – stuff them with potatoes one day, with onions the other day.., and the third…well, why stuff them, just cook them the same way and serve them hollow!!….and yes, do NOT forget the orange gravy!!

Rainbow Custard

The granddaddy of all experimentations!!! Custard played holi long before we did the same and came to us in colours of the p of greens and the ‘mera Custard tere se safed kaisa’ of the whites. The most memorable one was undoubtedly the brightest, most glamorous and flamboyant of pink – didn’t know of the various disgusted and shocked expressions that can be made on a face till people saw this enchanting colour. .Moral of the story; even if tastes good, people will tend to judge a book by it’s cover – or in such cases, a food by its colour!!

” Nathu Bhaiya, ye kya hai?

Aap khaiye to madam, try kariye”

Till I got used to the experimentation obsession of Nathu bhaiya and his core team, this topped the FAQs of the mess. The surest way of getting rid of unwanted guests will be to serve them the Mess’speciality – cut Cabbages and stones ..oops, dry Dal (one of those Moong ones, I guess – they refused to let me into their trade secret!!) , throw a couple of onions and tomatoes (yes, again!!) for garnishing, cook it till it becomes soggy and serve STINKING!!!

Gujarati Platter

South Indian cooked Gujju style with sweet Sambhar and sweeter chutney and let’s not even get into the sugar put into the Rasam!!!(the cries of the TAMs could be heard miles away), spring rolls looking and tasting like stuffed Paranthas ( we cook it this way in Gujarat Madam)!!

Although this , technically, is not a food item, I have to mention it in the finale of the mess bloopers episode – the KADDU KETCHUP!!!

When I first saw the ketchup bottle, it left me speechless….why in the world are we having ketchup which is apparently made from kaddoos and not from tomatoes ( why can’t they use tomatoes in the right manner). Have gone through two years of KK ( no reference to any other ‘hated’ KK) by closing my eyes and trying to numb my thoughts to the actual origin of that vague tasting ketchup – but, ummm..hate to say this, it’s not sooo bad!!! Just have to get used to the thought of it!!

I love Rajasthan!!! Love it’s people (definitely!!), love it’s culture, love it’s forts but HATE it’s food!!!

Cucumber and Lauki curry

Yes, you are reading it right….they actually made this and I actually ate it!!! Boil the cucumber with the Lauki/Gheeya in WATER with salt and spices (as if that improves the taste!!) and you have in front of you a semi transparent white gravy with green cucumber and yellow Gheeya mixed in a delightful riot of colours!!

Gatte ki Sabzi

Had this at home one day and it was harmless enough. Had it in Bikaner for 7 weeks and it was pure poison!!! Gatte or Gatta or whatever – in everything – it was made as a Dal, cooked dry with Lauki (their second favourite vegetable),Lladyfingers, Cabbage, Potatoes, …even served as a snack with tea – with Bhajia!!! Oh God…even the thought of writing about it makes me feel squeamish.

Please note that these items are to be tried at your home at your own risk!! The reviewer does not take any liability for stomach aches, food poisoning or for any kind of emotional, physical and mental torture after consuming these ‘creations’.

Although this menu has been used, successfully, by a huge number of people for a diet – though involuntarily, the reviewer still suggests caution and approval from your vehemently screaming tastebuds.