Aah… where does one begin? Lets take the music first.
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The Music
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Anuradha Podwal!!! As it is our dear lady does not possess a decent enough Hindi diction. Here to add to the fun she is made to sing in English. If you ever decide to listen to these songs, you would need this translation from Anuradha English (AE) to Normal English (NE)
AE: Murder Murder, Deer Murder
NE: Mother Mother, Dear Mother
This is only to clarify that the movie is not about deer slaughter, wildlife conservation and related matters, unlike what Ms. Podwal would want us to believe. It is instead a movie about a Mother, details later.
AE: Heeppee days are heeyurr again
NE: Happy days are here again
Incidentally, this one goes, “tum ab bhi beautiful ho, tum ab bhi wonderful ho, tum ab bhi loveable ho, tum ab hi sex symbol ho.”
Call me mad, but I will firmly hold on to my rigid belief that any movie that has an Altaf Raja number is a collectors’ soundtrack. And if he even enacts it out in the movie, and if he wears silver shoes and a silver shirt, and if he alights from a cardboard plywood make believe Air Sahara aircraft in a stage performance, and if he is surrounded by extras with red feathers on their heads, and if he shakes his booty like Helen met Ricky Martin in Chandni Bar, and if he goes “biwi se vansh challate hain, log souten kyun ghar late hain?” then I can’t say about you, but I have to have to have to see it again and again.
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The Dialogues
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The movie abounds in some killer lines:-
# “Sundar Das hamesha sacch bolta hai, aur non-veg nahi khata hai.”
It’s one character’s sign off line after every dialogue he utters. (I love this line and use it liberally these days, think twice before talking to me)
# “Main mother nahi hoon, main toh whorr hoon”
(Well, no comments. Except that I personally don’t like to use this one at all. I suggest no one should.)
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The Acting Department
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There are some lead pairs that only nonplus and confuse innocent movie-goers like us. Remember how we were at our wits’ end trying to find out who was the hero and who was the heroine in Prem Qaidi? History repeats itself here with lead pair Sanobaar and Whats-his-Name.
There is another girl who wants to marry Whats-His-Name. I don’t know her name either but you can recognize her as the one who goes about the movie with an attitude that says ‘I-got-this-half-baked-role-despite-relentlessly-pleasing-Saawan-Kumarji-o
n-the-casting-couch-and-hence-I’m-grossly-cross-and-living-in-Sulkland.R
17;
Wouldn’t you like to see Randhir Kapoor, wearing Preity Zinta’s prescription glasses, giving discrete flying kisses to Rekha across a packed auditorium (accompanied by background music that sounds like someone let go a noisy one)?
Wouldn’t you like to check Rakesh Roshan trying to clarify to the world that he can sire offsprings?
Wouldn’t you like to see Jeetendra wearing Salmanesque see through tight black t-shirts and act like an excited lisping schoolboy?
And the piece de resistance of the movie:-
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One of my fav. ways to gainfully spend time is watch my loved mega stars make utter fools of themselves. And Rekha does some marvelous things here. Jiggling like a remix music video item number girl at age 48, giggling like a drunken teenager, simulating epileptic seizures whenever director Saawan Kumar Tak asked her to be funny, displaying a painted face that hints of too much plastic surgery, botox injections, and other such wrinkle erasure procedures gone haywire (in certain scenes she faintly resembles Jaadoo), clad in outlandish costumes accentuating her big fat you know what. I know its rude but, one just can’t stop laughing!
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The Story
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After all this if you still want to know the story before you see the movie, then with a heavy heart I have to conclude that you are like those relatives of mine who while attending weddings are never happy, never easily impressed despite all the preparations. This is an extravaganza that Saawan Kumar Tak has conjured, and you ask for a story?
Anyway, the lore goes that Rekha’s pop was on his hospital deathbed and there is a financial crunch. (What about Mediclaim?). She resorts to the worlds oldest profession (rendering intimate services for a mutually agreed upon price) and picks up three men (Randhir Kapoor, Rakesh Roshan and Jeetu) in a bar within ten days.
Though daddyji dies anyway, Rekha is blessed with an extension to the family. (What about protection? Esp. in these days when u want to pick up someone in a bar, tsk tsk!) As one really doesn’t know who hit the nail on the head, she is given monetary support from the trio, who aren’t aware of each other, to rear her daughter (Sanobaar), After many years all three land up at to meet Sanobaar.
Matters reach a boiling point when Rekhas gory past is revealed by the evil Shashikala (hiding behind a silver wig, which she later lent to Amitabh Bacchhan for Boom). Don’t ask how, but the movie ends in an auditorium where after a lot of brouhaha, Rekha is awarded the Best Mother Award (oh c’mon don’t snigger, when there can be a Power Award, then why not a Mother Award)
But really one shouldn’t bother much about such inconsequential details and instead focus only on the madcap fun. Please catch this movie on Zee Cinema like I did this week, you wont regret it. Aur waise bhi, Premjit hamesha sach bolta hai aur non-veg nahi khata hai.
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