69 anyone..?. Review on Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus - John Gray

Prologue:

This is my review no. 69. Maybe it is not a milestone number like its cousins (?) 1, 50, 100… but 69 is a special number for several reasons.(For starters it’s the shirt number of Lance Klusener, but that’s not the only reason why I like 69. Read on you might find a more valid reason too). Though 69 is not the right position to be blowing one’s own trumpet, since the number is special, I thought I will make this a review about a book on Men and Women.

Not My Cup of Coffee:

If you are an author of one, you should pardon me, for I do not think too much about self help books. In many a ways these books are like astrological predictions that appear in periodicals. By using the appropriate words and phrases at the right places you can make any nonsense, sensible. “Managing finances will be tougher this week” is something that can be used for any star sign especially in the latter half of the month. Another cliché is “tough week ahead for married men” (Ah come on! You don’t call stating the obvious a prediction do you?), as if to indicate that things will be hunky-dory from the next week (carry on dreaming, after all being an optimist is not a very bad thing). Coming back to self help books, if a book, like “How to become a Successful Manager”, was really effective, wouldn’t everyone in this World be a successful manager? (Just wondering in that case - Who the Hell would do the ACTUAL work?)

The Early exchange:

The first time I heard about this book was from a married friend of mine (me was a free soul then), who said he has found a book that has been of a great help in matters pertaining to dealing with his wife. I instinctively asked him if it was a fully illustrated martial arts book. When he said no, I looked at him surprised. (After all the difference between martial and marital is where U place the “I”.) My surprise grew into disbelief when he said that “forget having any reference to martial arts this book about men and women was not even illustrated” (What a let down).

The Drowning man...

Let me put it this way, most of those thoughts was of me in my bachelor version. Marriage changes a lot of things, especially the way you think (that statement of course is not applicable to men, as with men marriage often takes away even the right to think). When the mysticism of marriage started to wear off and the reality stared at me, in one off my rare moments of clarity, I begged my married friend if I could get hold of that book. That act of mine is best described by the phrase - a drowning man holding on to the last straw.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:

Even before I read the first page, I got one valuable insight about women – I find them “HOT” because they come from Venus; which if you know your geography (or is it astrophysics) is closer to Sun as compared either Mars (a planet ruled by men in the past, if this book is to be believed) or Earth (a planet which is ruled by men today, if men are to be believed – pardon their ignorance, Ladies).

That apart the book starts like how any book should with contents, acknowledgements and an introduction. (How very enlightening, maybe I should start writing self help books). You can skip the acknowledgements (or read it in case you want to know to whom all, the author John Gray is indebted to) and move straight over to the introduction, which I must admit seems to be a pretty honest attempt at trying to set the pace for the book.

The book is divided into 13 chapters (Wondering why that spooked number? What else would you expect in a book about trying to demystify men and women?). The chapters are I should say, as logically arranged as possible while tackling an illogical issue like dealing with men and women. The book tries to explain with (some degree of success I must add) why men and women are inherently different in their make up (no pun intended), forms of expressions and types of expectations. The key issue being tackled in my opinion is the differences in perceptions as far as men and women are concerned. The two chapters I found most helpful were – Speaking Different Languages and Scoring Points With The Opposite Sex.

Impressions:

While most of the insights into male and female behavior sound logical at one read, on closer analysis, one can’t really stop wondering about the generalizations that creep into such kind of books. One typical example right at the start of the book is something like – “A Man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results” “A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships”. Without taking anything away from the author, I would like to say that today’s world has thrown up innumerable examples of women who would like to see themselves as achievers in their professional fields rather than be contended with happy relationships, as the purpose of their being. The same holds true for men too, I know of men who value family, friends and quality time spent with them, as much more satisfying than rising up the corporate ladder. Of course most men and women (that I know) today, are looking for an optimum balance of both personal and professional worlds.

Such generalization apart, the book gives the reader some pointers about how men and women feel and react to given situations. The knowledge of which can help us understand why certain “events” happened, the way they happened (Ah! Now I know why she emptied the whole pot of boiling Rasam on my bald head) even though it might not help preventing all future catastrophes. The book might not have you “Rolling On The Floor Laughing” (for those who do not understand that phrase, it means the same as ROFTL), it will give you a few giggles (as you relate to “events” like the one mentioned above) and a few hearty laughs when you read pure fiction like for example “When she prepares a meal (Okay John, keep fantasizing), complement her cooking (tough act to practice even in fictional situations).”

Epilogue:

No I haven’t changed my opinion on self help books. But I would make an exception for this book, not because it solved all my problems in dealing with the opposite sex, but because it does help me understand in most cases as to why I get into problems in dealing with them and in some rare cases warns me about potentially problematic situations that lies ahead. Before I sign off I guess should also let you know one more reason why 69 is special to me, though it looks rather mundane, 69 can be expressed as the difference of two special numbers 100 and 31. I guess you all will agree that 100 is a special number, to me 31 too is, because believe it or not that’s how old (young?) I am at the time of writing this review.

PS: Please don’t sympathize with this married man in your comments; Men do not like subjected to sympathy, if this book is to be believed.