Oh Krishna!!. Review on Krishna Cottage

Krishna Cottage is a movie that will fill you with resolve. Sit through this movie and you can find yourself making these pertinent resolutions:-

~ I shall stop waiting for the glorious day to dawn, when Bollywood realizes that horror films are supposed to scare and not arouse laughter / boredom / rage and other such undesirable emotions.

~ I won’t wonder why despite being an Ekta Kapoor movie its title is not weirdly spelt. Why not kKrshnnnaa Kottaegge?

~ I won’t question the plausibility of the plot, why would a novelist (Raj Zutshi.. mmmphhh.. hahahahahaha) donate a book he wrote to his alma mater even though he knows reading it has spooky repercussions.

~ One is not to ponder why students who don’t have any reading habits suddenly want to read a book titled Kahi Ankahi Batein. Also, never compare the special effects that take place each time after this book is read with The Ring

~ I won’t conclude that Sohail Khan looks like what I (or for that matter you, he, she, etc. anyone) will after I spend an hour immersed in a bathtub - pink and spongy!

~ I’ll try to look at things positively. So what if Isha Koppikar tries her best to act, and then fails. At least, she does this thing better than Esha Deol.

~ I’ll be polite and keep quiet about Natassha, I only want her to shut up forever. I won’t question why, if she says she is Bindaas, does she wear orange colored tights under her bikini. Not that we missed anything much, it was an awful figure those tights hid.

~ I wont ask why certain characters don’t live to their screen names.

What kind of name is Shanti anyway? Doesn’t Ekta Kapoor realise that parents stopped naming their daughters that for some two decades now? That’s Natassha’s name though she hardly believes in it. Screeching herself in deafening decibels to her and our delirium.

Manav - Sohail pink and spongy Khan, but he does not look and behave even remotely human.

~ I’ll shut my eyes off the screen till such time Vrajesh Hirji stops adopting the body language of a dying goldfish. In addition, I’ll shut my ears off too, till such time he stops quacking like a duck whenever he talks or laughs.

~ No one is supposed to laugh when a senior actresses like Rati Agnihotri dangles feng shui crystals, mumbling some chants with an angry face, to ward off spirits. Rati incidentally wears golden contact lenses each time she gets possessed. Evidently, Natassha liked the look so much that she must have cajoled Ekta to give her a similar scene too.

~ I will try to bear all the ruckus that occurs after every 20 minutes, which we are supposed to infer as songs and laud Annu Malik.

~ Don’t try to be a career counselor and advise Natassha and Sohail to stop acting, Santram Verma to stop directing, and the scriptwriter to take to professional mountaineering instead.

Among all these resolutions, notice the plot:-

In JC College, Babe1 loves Dude.

Enter Babe2.

Dude develops hots for Babe2, but is getting engaged to Babe1.

Ever since Babe 2 enters college, ghostly events start occurring.

Various babes and dudes start reading some dumb book and eventually die.

(not one of these babes and dudes look like college students, all look like somebodys Ammas and Bapus instead)

Enter lady tantrik to set things right and discover the secrets.

What are those secrets, frankly I gave up bothering post interval and so should you, unless you like getting enraged beyond endurance.

Which only reminds me of one more resolve that those who haven't seen Krishna Cottage must take.

~ We shall leave Krishna Cottage 10 minutes after the interval.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------