May 20, 2005 05:08 PM
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(Updated May 20, 2005 05:09 PM)
This is a very serious topic of discussion indeed and I shall devote my complete aesthetic sensibilities to churn out some useful points regarding music videos and the after-effects upon the national psyche.
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To really understand how it all begins, a visit to a happening director of such classy videos may be of some help.
Director Saab seen busily talking on his cell phone to somebody.
Director: No, no, darling.you simply cannot come and visit me.you see, these reporters have become very badmaash.what if they hang me as another bakra on their sting operation? No, no it will be legal only.I shall ask for a private screen test.fifteen other beautiful hot hot ladies shall also come.it will be good competition(I shall make sure of that).
Criteria.no no, acting skills is all very fine, but latak jhatak is a must.I don't care if you have passed out of London Drama School, but a Bihar University degree in Specialization in the art of Music Videos is a must.you see, without it you cannot carry of a senseless piece of video without that oomph factor.I have to answer to the critics.
The director's conversation with the DJ.
Director: I don't know.you find out some trash song from the 70's or 80's.remember it has to have some remotely vulgar lyrics to it.you leave the portrayal to me.
DJ: Sir, what tempo.
Director: bhaad mein gaaya tempo.if it has high tempo I'll make it a disco song with raapchik dance troupe wearing bikinis and the main models making out in bathroom, Enrique ishtyle.romantic remix hoga to phir.I'll make it a bedroom number.couple making out in bedroom in stormy night after having jhagra.no, I'll also add another hero.only one man in love scene won't work.
The Director's casting headaches.
Director: Who do I cast as hero in the video.aha.that's a piece of cake.some hotbod from the fashion industry.they come cheap and do anything you tell them.who I saw in that underwear ad.secretary.call him up.
Finally, the shoot.
Director: (to the male lead) have fun, dude.leave the editing to me.
(to the female lead): now, darling.do not be afraid.this is the pillar of success for you.adarsh indian nari be damned.i need passion, lust.oh, and add some dreamy romantic looks as well.never mind if you can't but be hot and sizzling.you may still be the poor man's Mallika Sherawat.you can be the one to act in the desi version of Basic Instinct.think press conferences, sex starved teenagers.bollywood biggies and politicians will be after your @$.give me a good shot darling.careful with that top now, it's not meant to be stitched together.
After the video is aired.
(In an interview.)
Director: You see, a lot of thought process went into it.the heroine is very talented(oh yeahhhh), and I wish her all the luck.also, a lot of thought process went into the music.we listened to over 4000 songs to select this one, and hired a DJ from abroad to remake the song.a long and arduous process, but I am glad it has paid off.yes, I have been told they want me to direct the sequel to Murder.I am humbled.
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And the after effects.
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The teenager: What a hot babe.where's that wallpaper of her on the Net?
The boyfriend: I gotta buy my babe some of that lingerie.
The girlfriend: Hey I saw that hunk in the underwear ad.isn't he cute.
The'in' dude: I gotta keep that tape in my car.who cares if it sucks.
The common man: Video, what video.?
The next wannabe hero: I need to do an undie ad soon.
The next wannabe heroine: Hmph.I have not been on a diet for two years for nothing.who knows how to get in touch with that director.
The Pundits: A shame, a shame.to think of what the Indian culture has come to.we must protest immediately and ban the video from television channels and further harming Indian sentiments.I am aghast, I tell you.(whispering to secretary - tell that girl I want to speak to her - in private).
Political Parties: Let's get that girl to campaign for us in the rural areas.
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