Proper Feline Etti-cat. Review on Having Pets at Home

Proper Feline Etti-cat or

Why Cats Are Superior to Dogs

A little touch of something different!

Please note:  Although I am quite sure Ronda will try and take the credit for this, I am the true author.  My name is Minnie, and I am a 4 year old calico cat.

I am awakened from a nap by a marvelous smell wafting through the air. A smell that sends cats everywhere into anxious anticipation. A smell that makes a feline heart go pitter-patter. A smell more wonderful than any other smell on earth.

Tuna. I smell tuna.

Opening my eyes and standing, I see Sampson is still lying there curled up beside me, one furry paw covering his eyes.

'Sampson, are you still asleep?'

Mumbling.

'Sampson, will you please wake up?!'

More mumbling.

I know how to wake him up. Standing over him, I purr, licking his head sweetly with my tongue. Just as he is about to doze off completely again, I sink my teeth into the back of his neck, and he springs to his feet, instantly awake.

'YEOWWWCHHHHHHH! Minnie! What'd you have to go and do that for?'

'Hush up you silly cat, you should be thanking me! Don't you smell that?'

Forgetting the ache in his neck, Sampson sniffed the air curiously.

'It's TUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!' He howled, and started to run full speed into the kitchen.

'NO! Sampson, stop!' I said sternly, and he slid to a stop.

'Now what?' he whined.'It's tuna! Let's go! Let's go!'

Watching him standing there, so anxious, bouncing from foot to foot(to foot to foot), I couldn't help but take a little pity on him.

'We ARE going, Sampson, but how many times do I have to tell you? We are CATS, we don't run! We slowly saunter to the kitchen, and when Ronda sets the tuna down for us, we have to act extremely disinterested, sniff it a few times, and then slowly eat it as though it were a chore', I gently chastised.

'I know you have told me, but I guess I just don't get it', he moaned.'I just don't understand why we can't rush in and eat it, and eat it like we love it, because we DO love it!' When Brittany gets a treat, she doesn't stand on formalities. She gulps her food down, acts happy about it, and begs for more!'

'Brittany is a dog.' I told him.'Now, come walk with me into the kitchen, stick you tail up high in the air proudly, and don't forget.sniff, nibble, sniff, nibble. Don't gulp! And while we eat, I will explain to you the facts of life once again.'

As we ate, I patiently explained things to him.

'You see, in the competition between cats and dogs, we cats are by far superior. But with every good thing in life, some bad things must come also. Our act of disinterest over the tuna is simply one of the prices we pay for retaining our superior air.'

'But why Minnie? Why are we superior to dogs?' he asked as he daintily wiped the tuna morsels off of his whiskers.

'Jump up on the window sill' I told him, 'Now look outside in the backyard at Brittany and tell me what you see.'

'Ummmm, well I see Brittany lying down in the pen beside her doghouse.'

'Exactly. Brittany is lying down, in the dirt, outside, in the heat, with the bugs. She has to stay outdoors in cold, heat, and rain. She doesn't get to lie down in a nice soft bed in a 70 degree house all year long. She is too big and clumsy to stay indoors, whereas we are small and graceful.'

Sampson jumped down from the sill, and returned to the food bowl, searching for another morsel of tuna.

'Sampson, you have watched Ronda fix Brittany's supper. What does she get to each each night for supper? I'll tell you what. DOG FOOD! At least occasionally we do get a special treat of tuna, salmon, or some other wonderful delicacy. Brittany's treat is a dog biscuit. Translation: more dog food!'

'That's all true Minnie, ' Sampson replied, 'but still, Brittany gets to go for walks and play ball. And Minnie, she gets her tummy scratched!'

I sighed.'Sampson, would you please tell me what is so marvelous about having a clunky leash attached to your collar? If you move too fast, it chokes you, and it looks rather humiliating! A silly old ball? Who needs it? We have everything in the house to play with, at least once Ronda has gone to work. And have you ever had your belly scratched? No? Well I have, and let me tell you, it is torture! You have to lie flat on your back uncomfortably, and the fingers moving over your tummy tickles. And not only that, but all of that back and forth motion got my tummy fur all matted. Plus it is a rather embarrassing situation! I'm telling you, you wouldn't treat a human like that.'

'Oh, it certainly sounds HORRIBLE!' Sampson agreed.

'Sampson, the bottom line is this. We are more cuddly, dantier, more well-behaved, neater, and better groomers than dog. We don't make silly faces like they do and we certainly don't DROOL. That is disgusting! And we most assuredly smell better. And with all of that goes a bit of an attitude, I will admit. We do tend to put on airs, we won't come when humans call us(even when we want to), and we never give attention to humans. We pretend to not like being petted, and generally we have to be just a little bit prissy. But that's the price we have to pay to remain superior. It's all in the attitude.'

'Ok Minnie, I think I finally understand! Thank you so much for explaining it to me again!'

You are welcome Sampson. Now I have to make a quick trip to the litter box, and I'll join you for another nap.'

After making use of the rather crude facilities provided us, I set out to find Sampson for our nap. Hmm, he wasn't in the kitchen. He wasn't in the bedroom. Where is that cat? Then I saw him. He was curled up in Ronda's lap in the living room, purring contently and nuzzling her hand.

'Sampson!' I admonished him.'What did I just tell you about the petting and the attention? What did I just tell you about the attitude?'

He just smiled happily and said, 'I know what you told me Minnie, and I decided that I would rather have a little bit of loving than more tuna.'

Again I sighed. These kids today! Will they ever learn? But he sure does look comfortable up there!