“the old man should just hang himself, why does he keep on screaming like that?”, “oh, for Christ’s sake, why doesn’t he just stop?”…I hear all of them whispering, wishing I would just die, just stop this incessant screaming. But can I hear them or are they just figments of my imagination, saying words that I THINK people are saying but maybe they aren’t actually? Or maybe people are saying these things but the ones I imagine to be saying all of it are not the ones saying it…
Paranoid? Yes…Manic Depressive? Yes…In Pain? Yes…Crazy? No…
Then why have I been committed to this institution…this…this mental asylum?
Because I keep on screaming…I just wont stop.they examine me from head to toe everyday, hoping to find a wound, or two so that they can satisfy their need for a reasonable explanation…it has nothing to do with wanting to actually cure me.
If I was bleeding, if my stomach had been torn open and my flesh and blood visible, if I had slit my wrists and wouldn’t stop screaming, then no one would question it and I would receive treatment. But just because you cant see my pain, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I’m dying inside, I’m hurting so bad, I feel like someone is alternately squeezing my heart and then tearing my insides…and so I keep on screaming, because I’m hurting, hurting really bad…but no one understands because they cant see the hurt…
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And that is the problem with our societies…we refuse to take depression as a serious illness until the person becomes so disturbed that they resort to continual screaming as a means of getting attention but are declared clinically insane because they are no longer able to explain why they are depressed…the reasons have dulled but the pain just wont go away…
'How heavy the days are. There is not a fire that can warm me, not a sun to laugh with me. Everything is base. Everything cold and meaningless. And even the beloved dear stars look desolately down.'(Hermann Hesse, German novelist and poet, 1877-1962)
Handling depression is one of the toughest things ever. The reason behind it is not important but the emotion is. It could be the regular appearance of a pimple every Saturday night, a break up because someone cheated on you, lack of attention from friends and family, low self esteem, a job you don’t enjoy, stress, loneliness, divorce, menstruation, menopause, death and so on… Though the reasons differ and so does their apparent importance in the eyes of others, to the depressed person, no matter what the reason may be, it is the biggest tragedy on earth!
The best way to do it is to speak about it. Admit that you are depressed to your close friends and family. Its okay to cry for help sometimes, its okay to admit that you feel down and out, and need to be bailed out. Alternatively, if you are an extremely private person or maybe your friends and family are the very reason you are down, educate yourself about it. Go hit “depression” on google, and read about what could be the reasons, what medical advice is there, remember, this is an illness…you can and SHOULD take it seriously…
List all the things you loved to do, or wanted to do, especially things that you always wanted to do when you were a kid. Go seek out those and other different activities that you may not have tried before.
You cant sleep because you keep on thinking about how depressed you are and how it seems like it will never ever get better, nothing will ever work out for you? Read a dead boring book or exhaust yourself during the day to ensure that your sleepless nights are chased away. If your sleeping problems persist, then go see a psychiatrist who may prescribe medicine.
Turn to fitness.you would be surprised at how it helps. We all live in a world obsessed with the outer self. So while you work on pursuing different activities and development of inner self, take up exercise, aerobics, yoga, or even kung fu! Get out, be active, work out that body, get yourself in shape, and you'll start to feel good.
Look around…appreciate the beauty in your life EVERY SINGLE DAY. Appreciate nature, the birds(and the bees;)!), the beach, the starry nights, the people…consciously take time out to notice every thing that’s beautiful and you have become desensitized to because of the fact that you see it everyday. Thank God or whoever or whatever you believe in for all your blessings. Check your pulse, your heartbeat.seems to be fine right? You are alive, you are healthy, you have food to eat and time to surf sites such as MS, you are more than half way ahead than a lot of people in this world.
Learn to accept yourself as the person that you are, and learn to love yourself. Look in the mirror and smile at your image, you are the most beautiful and most important person on earth.(I suggested this to my sister who used to be feel inferior in the looks department, told her to look in the mirror every morning and say'hello beautiful' and however corny it sounds, it seems to have really worked for her since she's turned into a conceited monster!)
Start writing…it may help you figure out what exactly is getting you down and give you a great outlet to pour out all your emotions without actually voicing them if that is something you don’t want to do.
And finally, if you’ve been depressed real long and cant figure out why…SNAP OUT OF IT! Live, laugh, love…”this is your life and it is ending one minute at a time, this isn’t a seminar and this isn’t a weekend retreat” THIS IS IT…make the most of it…live it to the fullest, break all barriers, take risks, experiment…figure out what makes you happy and do it fast…because you don’t have forever…
Recommended Websites:
https://blarg.net/~charlatn/Depression.html
https://zoloft.com/index.asp?pageid=2&o=PZO3002ASRCH00T0000000000
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/alt-support-depression/faq/part1
https://beanbagcentral.com/holeboy/2god.html(a weird interesting site)
