Handling someone who's handling depression. Review on Handling Depression

One thing I?m blessed with is that I have a lot of people who love me; conversely, I have a lot of people to love. My life would be incomplete without these people, and it them which makes being me so darned special.

-

Early last year I was chatting to a very dear friend of mine. She was quiet but I didn?t notice. There was a lull in the conversation when I heard her sigh; she informed me that the reason she was unable to accompany me to a party a fortnight ago was because she was in hospital having her stomach pumped after she took sleeping pills with vodka.

I remember feeling absolutely stunned. This girl was one of my most intimate friends; we?d known each other since the first day of school. We had cheated of each other in tests, did each other?s hair, we hit puberty together, we discussed boys and most of all, we were there for each other when one of us was feeling down. I was devastated.

For a few weeks following her abrupt news I was overcome with guilt. I was her best friend and I did not notice her spiraling depression. There was a period when I would wake up at night because I was so worried about how she might be dead and no one would tell me because they thought I didn?t care. It took me months to realize(with the aid of the councilor) that people with depression try their hardest to keep their unhappiness from their loved ones.

I read up on depression as much as I could(there?s stacks of great info on the web). One aspect that kept coming up was that physical exercise was a powerful way to combat depression. From then on I would jog past her house in the mornings, drag her out of her bed and in to some sports gear and go for a trot around the park. Initially I was convinced that this was having no effect on her what so ever as she was thoroughly indignant about having to wake up before the sun and pant after me in the frosty mornings However, after a couple of months, I pointed out that her fitness was improving and she had lost weight. This improved her spirits drastically.

Over the following six months, she was put on high doses of medication and spent much time with a therapist. I?m not sure with it was her illness or her medication which made her temperament so unpredictable. There were time when she was once again the fun loving, vivacious person who was very popular and easy going? the person I had befriended so many years ago for those precise qualities. Then there was another aspect to her personality, the ugly one. Sometimes she would say very nasty stuff to us. It was hurtful and I found it difficult to keep my composure.

At least I knew the reason behind this sudden meanness, but many of our friends didn?t and would retaliate with equally hurtful comments. This would send my friend off on another bout of depression and she would spend hours crying on my shoulder afterwards as she tried to devise ways to make it better. I felt so inadequate to the situation. I hated what this disgusting illness was reducing my friend to, but what I hated more was the fact that I could do nothing it make it go away.

Uncontrollable crying was a part of depression I hated. I don?t cry very often, but on the few occasions I do, I feel completely wretched. The heartfelt sobs that she emitted saddened me, and I cannot even attempt to imagine how miserable she must of felt. There were also times when she would cry for hours and then pretend that nothing had happened. This constant stream of denials was very baffling for me. We were always honest with each other and these petty lies were not only irritating, but also inexplicable.

Regardless of all her nasty comments, her swinging temper tantrums and a constant stream of lies, I always tried to be as understanding and accepting as possible. She was going through hell and back and the last thing she needed was her own friend getting livid with her. There were also moments when she seemed so venerable, it almost physically hurt to see so sad and upset. After going to a party where she offended someone, we would go home and she would collapse on the couch and ask how many people she had upset so that she could apologize to them later.

She did not want many people to know about her depression. I respected her decision though I didn?t understand why. She would put on a façade when we out. She would have to act as being the clever, witty, fun person, as opposed to actually being the clever, witty, fun person she was before her depression. Her façade was so immaculate(except for a few cracks in it when she offended people) that most of our friends were fooled into believing that she was perfectly okay? much like I was before she told me.

Things went up and down over the following six months. For weeks her temperament would improve and she would feel more social, going out and having fun, but suddenly she would collapse into a sobbing mess while close friends and family watched on bewildered. She would feel down for days and then suddenly decide to organize an outing or a party, but then feel overwhelmed with her decision and cancel at the last minute. I think this frustrated her more then anyone else. She would think she was getting better and then suddenly fall into a slump. It was a very upsetting time for us.

These days she?s much better. She?s starting to ease off her medication and her moods are much more natural. No one is seriously scared that she might kill herself, and her original lively personality is returning at an astonishing rate. She hates talking about her?black dog?, but she still sees a therapist when things get a bit stressful.

Things are definitely on the up for her(touch wood) and it is a very big relief to her and all her friends and family. I think the cause of her depression was that she felt no one loved her(which is far from the truth).I think the only positive outcome from this depression was that my friend and I have forged a very deep bond. We know the best of each others personalities, and we have seen the worst, but still remained around long enough to ensure we were both alright.

So what to do?

1) Constant vigilance. Even to mates you think have never even heard of the word?Depression.

2) Remain proactive. If they tell you about their illness, it probably means they want your support. So be there for them whenever they need it, day or night.

3) Do research. .Unless you have depression, I suppose you never really know what your friends going through. However, do some background work so you can identify things like?signs? to see when your friend is feeling particularly miserable.

4) Stay Positive. This can be one of the hardest things to do when your friend is feeling down, but it is one of the most important. Don?t get too offended by the nasty things they may say. It?s the illness that is talking, not them.

5) Be there for them. This is VERY important. There were night when I felt my friend would attempt a suicide if I left her alone, so I would cancel any engagements and spend the day or night with her. You must do the same. Sometimes just communicating issues can do wonders for a person?s temperament

I hope this information was useful to you. I?m not sure how it would feel to lose someone you hold so dearly in such terrible circumstances. All I know is that I would do everything in my power to prevent such a thing from occurring.