Why under this Ikon head? It evolves from 3 years of ownership of a car which shares the same surname!
Why Car Maintenance?: Hello, do you know what maintenance can do to your backside.. yes, the one which sticks out in every tight thingy you wear? It can reduce the thickness of that wallet in such quick time that you may well prefer paying out the other kinda maintenance rather!
Why Mouse?: The mouse is an integral part of every man and woman's daily life now, with even the gulping of morsels of breakfast and lunch being timed with clicks of the mouse on some frank or free soul's Review, or Order book, or Bill Pay! But then, this mouse is the one which, though less famous, existed on our planet even before Charles Babbage started having his Cabbage soup on his own! And, as you read on, you shall figure out, in Newtonian style, why Mouse begins the title, which ends in Maintenance!
Cut the Crap!: I had a car. I still have a car. I have a wife. No, they didn't come together! The car has behaved magnificently (the wife too, she at times reads these you see!), though these days it is welting under intense competition from Fida-yeen siblings! The car is black. It has hardly been 'exploited'! It gives great mileage, and is ultimately reliable, at times even more than its driver-cum-owner! (Sorry, delete the 'cum' part, if it's offensive in a car!). The cum, oops the driver, had to go out of station for 3 weeks. The car, as would be the case with all of your, was parked in a slot adjacent to the apartment. Me went. Nobody used the car. Me had a rocking time, meeting MSians at the Capital. Me came back after 3 weeks. Car was being used by a pigeon couple with intense levels of fornication and consequent premature releases from multiple orifices! (Doc, name the symptom!) The area was well lit, but there was no Daya from the normally Shanti-ful but Flying Pigeons! Me washed car, got it shining. Me kicked tyres - all healthy, and JK! Me opened the door, switched on the battery. No unnatural red warning lights. Me cranked the engine. Engine acted like an angry spouse at night - no response! Me tried again - various forms of nava rasas, Amateurly of course! A Cloud passed overhead, but didn't stop at Cochin to pour its internals out! Me tried again, and then again. The spider's message, which newly weds too adopt, of 'again n again', yielded no results. Me opened bonnet. Me saw nothing, since me didn't know what to look for! SOS! Ford mobile arrived in 2 hours.
Prognosis: He said "Mouse!". I wondered why he wanted one. Agreed, Ford is all hi-tech and stuff, but a mouse for trouble-shooting! And, if so, he should have got his own. I don't like sharing things which roll under my fingers, anyway! He finally relented. "A Mouse has bit the rubber of the wiring assembly". The smell was so new-rubbery, even I had thought of a munch the first week (I'm talking about the car!). A mouse had eaten up part of a Ford Ikon's 2 year old rubber insulation on the wiring.
Quick Fix: No, that is not what you use in such cases! He tried re-insulating, but got confused about the sockets. There were too many openings. Plus, he was a bachelor! "Change wiring assembly", he said. "How much", asked me. "About 11K"! "No, I'll take an auto from now!", words. " Bloody mice. If I ever am at a land where they areeaten, I'll have one live!", thoughts. He managed to tape up, so I could drive it to the Workshop. Of course, the high idling rev-ving sounded as if Narain K was at the wheel! But it was done.
Putting the Finger: .. on the problem is what I mean! They took two days, opening up liver after stomach after colon. They finally found that the 'ON'-ing of the ignition botched the wiring, shorted it and this, in turn, hit the temperature sensor. When I force cranked the engine to life, this affected the Power Control Module, the brain! So, a bloody mouse had thumped the nerves, the lung and the brain of my car! And I was away, meeting MSians who are going to read all about this! Strange are the ways of the universe!
Jago Grahak Time: I shot off emotional and strong letters to the who's who of Ford, quoting Extended warranty, flimsy engineering (it was actually strong teeth!). Patiently and caringly, they advised me to approach the Insurance folks! I did! Letters flew. This time, though, grahak was screwed rather tight. Insurance collapsed, citing no report was made when damage was observed, hence they could not ascertain the cause! "I did not intend to rip it opn, just quick fix it" fell on glass walls! Ford said "Insurance", Insurance said "Improper method", I said "Shux, I've had it". That put the Consumer logic in me into proper order. (GoAir incident/ review was a effect of such reprogramming!). The bill? INR 49,499, like a Bata price tag! Being a card payment, they didn't return the 1 Re!
Lessons: You would say "High tech cars mein yahi hotha hai".
I say "To get some, you lose some. Plus, I botched it (the refund of cash), primarily due to procedural ignorance and hurry".
You say "So now what?"
I say "Spray chilli paste-in-oil (30 bucks) with a water sprayer (20 bucks) on all rubber parts under the bonnet, every 6 months (or earlier if you do a full waterjet wash). The 50 bucks spent saves a 50K or so".
You say " But my area doesn't have rats. And I don't think rats can enter under my bonnet (car's, I mean!)".
I say "Bend over! Go under! And look up! Prudish as it may sound, you will discover things! Every car has an open area under the bonnet, from where even a small flying elephant can enter, if it can only get under the car first!. And, when you find a place in India sans the rats, plague or not, buzz me too."
You say "What else?"
I say "Don't leave wafers, namkeen etc in the car. Rats like it as well, if not more, than humans, kids included! They attract rats like sleaze on MS attracts a certain surgeon, chocolates attract A (b)abe and rich, hunky men attract a certain Cloud!"
You say "If this still happens, then?"
I say "First call the insurance, along with the Company folks. Later, if you don't want to claim, they would be even more glad than you to agree! But if you don't, like me, then you get exclusive rights of membership to My Club - of those who lost the war because of a Mouse!"
You say "Good review. Thanks."
I say "Anybody wanna sponsor my repair cost, in lieu?"
When the Cat is away, be sure - The Mice will Play and You will Pay!
You are welcome to share your experiences of the Car-ry and Mouse-y kind and relevant hearsays and seesays in comments, please!
