Warning:Shahrukh fans... this review could cause you immense emotional trauma. If the review reads like SRKs filmography it is not authors fault.
Can't actually blame him for watching these movies. He had me more than warned all along using imaginative titles. It is me ...the undying optimist who has been watching all his movies with the hope of catching him off-gaurd... showing some real acting for a fleeting moment... say the blink of an eye ( or the raising of an eye brow)
Deewana - The Crazy One!
Hmm... can't say I was not warned. But the movie was not only crazy as the title suggests, but it was also horrendous. Middle aged Rishi Kapoor trying to pass off as a young bachelor with a funny nick name (was it Thunak Thun Thun...by any chance). Glam doll _Divya_ Bharathi acting no better than a mannequin. Over and above that...this also happens to be the first experiment of Mr. Khan in testing audience endurance.
You watch it once you are a Crazy one... you watch twice... you are a certified nutcase!
Raamjaane - God only knows
Well, thinking of this movie makes me spiritual & think of God
God only knows why the producer made this movie! God only knows why the director directed this movie! More importantly ... God Only knows why did I spend money watching this in a theatre! God only knows whether I can ever recover the money wasted on the hopeless pursuit of seeing SRK act someday!
In a nut shell... SRK at his hamming best! Some mindless movie where SRK plays a gangster who doesn't have enough moolah to even buy a decent dress!
Duplicate
Again how much more explicit can Shahrukh Khan be!
He duplicates his trade mark hamming donning dual role of a mentally challenged gangster & a cook who needs his mummy even to change his nappies! Do I need to say... the movie was absolutely crappy!
Even duplicate maal we buy at Burma Bazaar is gauranteed to be more genuine
Yes... Boss
Finally Shahrukh agrees to the allegations that he cannot act. But the moment you start to make up your mind to leave the theatre SRK starts - ''Arre baba... jaatha hai thu kahaan?!''. How much more can anyone read the audience pulse.
A movie where the nerve-grating Johnny Lever assists SRK in stopping his married boss from bedding his (SRKs) girl friend... at the same time pull the appearance of helping the boss in his cheating endeavors... so that he could open his own office!!!
Oh My God... can't think of a more filmsier premise. Wait I am wrong! There is a stiff competition...
Phir bhi Dil Hain Hindustani - But the heart is Indian
Well... SRKs heart may be Indian, no doubt. But rest of the film, the screen play, direction, story-line etc. are direct imports from Timbuctoo!
Shahrukh is a daring TV journalist who does bomb defusal , tracking terrorists & arranging public transmission of executions! Juhi chawla gives a tough compettion to SRK in grating our nerves
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Something is happening
In fact a lot will be happening to you after watching this movie. Severe migraine, nausea, constipation & finally the feeling of Nirvana when the curtains fall down. Can any other movie give you such a plethora of feelings all at once? This movie also marked the pairing up of Ghost & the Darkness... I mean SRK & Karan Johar.
The whole movie seemed to be to shot in an adult education center & an astronomical laboratory! With so many meteroites falling off the sky at the drop of a hat... it even seemed to me that the Judgement Day was nearer! Due credit must also be given to this movie for popularizing transvestite dressing code.
Luckily... Salman was not given a chance to sun-bathe his biceps. But then how could he... with Karan Johar around?
Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham - Sometimes Sunny... Sometimes Gloomy
Trust me... the only time I felt sunny was when I walked out of the matinee show. The rest of the movie was gloomy. Just to call this movie gloomy would be an understatement, it is a masterly thesis on the functioning of human tear gland. It appears as if someone kept cutting Onions in the film set!
With every actor & actress competing at shedding the highest numbers of buckets of glycerine, it is highly advisable to carry Kleenex tissues if you are watching this movie along with your wife or GF. Otherwise chances are you might get 'Water Kingdom' experience right in the theatre itself
Chalthe Chalthe - Going... Going...
Well no one seems to be knowing where the movie is going! It seems to be going everywhere... yet goes nowhere.
SRK acts himself... I mean as a loss making male chauvinist truck driver in love with the dumb daughter of a millionaire, who would dump her childhood sweet-heart & millionaire fiancee for a truck driver... who promises to cook food for her & look after the children himself if she marries him!! All he had to do was pick up a penny from a pond & gift a stuffed toy - compliments of a nut-case greek trader! ( Well.. the purpose of the movie for most parts was Greek to me)
Kal Ho Na Ho - There may not be a Tommorrow
There definitely will not be a tommorrow for SRK unless he pulls his act together & starts acting for a change! With back bones limiting simian stunts, progressing age pushing the limits of make-up to be applied... It's the time to (act or) Kisko... Mr. Khan
In this movie we find...
# SRK does a Michael Jackson - by almost forcing an under-age girl to be his GF. He nearly escapes getting booked under Child Marriage Act. I find it strange that no one including Kantha bai suspected him of being a child molester, the way he was acting with the girl (may be this could be the joke in the next film?)
# Womens Liberation - To be considered cool a girl must over-drink & dance with total strangers in a night club wearing skimpy clothes.
# Gay Issues - Shahrukh Khan innocently shares bed with Saif. Hey... please don't misunderstand. Two grown-up guys sharing a bed is bhai-bhai... boy-boy love! Kantha Re...
It also provides us a vista of new-age Bollywood dialogues like ''Humne Bahu maangi thi..par Daamad Mil gaya''... ''Bhagwan tera laak laak shukr hai ki mera Beta aur Daamad dono sahi salamath hain'' ( well... I made that one up)
# Family Values - The best place for a father to meet his son & discuss family problems is a strip bar!! That is where Satish Shah meets Saif to discuss gay issues
# Vulgar Gujju jokes - The dance ''Gujju... Gujju'' preceding Jind Mahive is in utterly bad taste & so does the Hall-Hole joke!
# Health issues - Drinking & jiving to disco in a night-club is extremely healthy for a weak heart! But eating oily Punjabi food at Sangeet parties & dancing to Bhangra(mix) tunes could be fatal!
Shahrukh may be a Star. His movies might be raking in millions . But so do the Ekta Kapoor's Saas-Bahu serials, so what's great? But a great actor... not in this millenium!
Conclusion
For paucity of space other SRK films like 'Hum Thumare hain Sanam', 'Devdas', 'Desi Mem Angrezi Babu', 'Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman', 'Asoka', 'Koyla' etc have been left out. Some day we will need separate categories like Worst films of SRK in 2004-2005 etc. I don't think this simple category of 'Five Worst Films of SRK' would suffice!
Anyway you are not missing anything. If you have wateched him act in any one of the movies... it is as good as watching him act in all his movies! He should definitely be awarded a National award for such continuous mono-dimensional acting in all his films!
