Kompletely Konfused Productions. Review on Five Worst Movies of Alok Nath

To,

Aruna Irani,

Director – Kompletely Konfused Tele-Serials.

Sub: Application towards post of a Father In Law at KK.

Dear Aruna,

It was with great interest I read about a recent advertisement in Times of India for the requirement of a mentally deranged father in law in your upcoming serial Tum Bin Desh Mein Chaand Nahi Nikaltha. For this challenging role, KK needs a seasoned performer in a variety of ham-till-you-go-crazy roles and one who can sustain a smiling face even in times of terrific adversity. Given my background and skill set, I am sure that I am the right person for this role.

A few key highlights about me –

I have excellent experience in the requisite background required for this challenging role. I have essayed the role of Father and father in law to perfection in many a movie alike, most notably in Hum Aapke Hain Koun and Hum Saath Saath Hain. I have essayed a complex role of a smiling father in both the films with utmost panache and ease with a smiling face and valiant heart. I am very well versed with sways and mannerisms of a happy family, behavioral patterns in marriages, family honeymoons, and roles of anguished father loss at society. In addition, my creative inputs in stealing sneaky glances from my in-laws in HAHK provides me a unique talent which I am sure you will find it appreciative in your serial, in case the mentally deranged father in law decides to have a extra marital affair.

I also bring with me varied exposure to different roles as village-simpleton-always-fooled-by-city-friends, albeit best indicated by my histrionics in Pardes and Maine Pyaar Kiya. My experience in Pardes has given me immense exposure to handling cows and buffaloes, managing an irritating band of kids and grownup alike and art of sad-expressions-when-my-daughter-is-at-sea situations. In addition, MPK has gives me immense value as a deranged villager going to Dubai to earn money. These qualities will prove indispensable to your company if your mentally deranged father in law happens to lose memory in a freak accident and find himself in village or has a face change operation and becomes a goon in Dubai.

In addition my excellent oral and written histrionics communication skills are well demonstrated in films like Ansh and Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak. My experience as sideys in Sone Ki Sita, Kachchi Kali, Majboor Ladki, Maut Ki Saza, and Shadyantra will prove to be immensely valuable incase you decide to shift focus of the serial from father in law to daughter in law and make me a sidey.

Attached herewith is my resume at your perusal. I would love to meet and discuss this opportunity with you at your earliest convenience. I can always be contacted at my private number 1-800-DIAL-HOWL.

Thanking you for your time and consideration,

Sincerely,

Alok Nath.

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Dear Alok,

It gives me immense pleasure to let you know that we have found your resume to be a perfect match for the position of the mentally deranged father in law in my serial.

I have always been a fan of you ever since I saw Hatimtai and you as the evil magician. Even then I could make out that you had makings of a great sidey star, and I am happy that you have chosen to associate yourself with our esteemed corporation. Indeed, in addition to your excellent background, I have always been impressed with your roles and acting in a variety of tele-serials, which I am sure will benefit us mutually. In particular, I like your role as a homicidal father in law with suicidal tendencies in Piya Ka Ghar – Indeed, this role is very much well modeled along the same lines.

A few key requisites for this role you must know before hand –

In this role, you will be required to play a multi-layered complex role of a mentally deranged father in law who is living with his daughter in law. Clearly, your role demands an acute sense of despair in your face, which you anyways possess and should work to our advantage. In addition to despair, you will be required to cry hoarse and threaten to kill yourself every 10 episodes in the serial.

After about half a year, your daughter in law dies in a car crash and takes a rebirth. You will survive the crash, though you will lose your memory. This is the most challenging part of serial which you must enact – you will be held by a tribe of adivasis who will perform voodoo on you to get your memory back. You will have to combine your expertise in village simpleton in addition to despairing face to get the desired effects. In some episodes, you may also get to wear large sherwanis as a part of voodoo rituals, where I am sure your experience from Hatimtai will prove immensely helpful.

In addition, after a couple of years, you will develop musical talents with adivasis, which you will sing songs with. I have always been a great admirer of your role in Taal, and I hope to further develop that role further here in my serial. Here, you will teach adivasis to sing and dance, and your reborn daughter in law hearing your voice will recognize you. She will ask you to come to Dubai (of course you don’t know her) – however your plane will crash and you will lose memory yet again, and face change will occur. Now you will become a music tycoon remixing your own songs, while still trying to figure out whatever you were in the first place.

I am sure that with your immense experience, your creative inputs will also help us in defining the finer points about your role. I don’t think I should need to interview you, as you are already well qualified and dignified for such a role.

Indeed, when you get this letter, please come to Kompletely Konfused Production House immediately. Shooting will commence from next month itself.

Looking forward to your joyous association with us,

Yours lovingly,

Aruna Irani.